Will it Never End?
Harry was beginning to panic. Hermione had not moved and he had been unable to get a reaction out of her. He was alone in the infirmary and scared to leave her side. He felt his inner struggle as his head told him to run for help and his heart told him he shouldn't leave her side.
"AHHHHHHH!" He screamed. "Stop. Just stop." He yelled at himself, his breathing was erratic and he was having trouble regaining control. He raised his arms, closed his eyes, and forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths. He knew he would be of no use to her if he were laying passed out on the floor.
He jerked his head toward the infirmary door when he heard the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching. Madam Pomfrey came bustling into the room faster then he'd ever seen her move.
"What is the meaning of this, Mister Potter?" She exclaimed. "I could hear you screaming all the way down the hall. Lucky for you there are no students here or…"
Harry put up a hand to interrupt her. He still could not breath properly and he was beginning to feel light-headed. Unable yet to speak he pointed toward Hermione still lying there with her arms covering her head.
"Wha…" Madam Pomfrey began. She looked questioningly from Harry to Hermione. When she saw Hermione lying there she rushed forward and pushed Harry out of the way. "Oh, my." She exclaimed as she put her hand to her heart. She checked first for a pulse and discovered that Hermione was indeed still alive though her pulse had slowed considerably since her earlier examination.
She looked at Harry. "She's alive, Mister Potter, but I want an explanation. I just left her a few minutes ago and she was fine. What happened?" She asked admonishingly. She began to struggle with removing Hermione's arms from around her head.
A sheen of sweat covered Harry's forehead as he began to perspire while he fought to get his breathing under control. It was through sheer force of will that he was finally able to get himself to a point where he think and function rationally.
He looked from Madam Pomfrey to Hermione and he pointed at the journal. "The journal." He said hoarsely. "She found the journal."
Madam Pomfrey had finally managed to get Hermione's arms down to her sides and she conjured a damp cloth, which she used to gently wipe Hermione's face and forehead. "Journal? Wha…?" She nodded her head in recognition. "That's what Professor Dumbledore was talking about, isn't it?" She asked knowingly.
"Yes." Harry murmured.
Her voice was even as she spoke and her tone made Harry's heart drop to the floor. "Would you mind telling me how Miss Granger managed to get it when just moments ago you assured me…no, Mister Potter…if I recall correctly, you promised me that you would wait a couple of days? Did I, or did I not caution you about upsetting her? Now you understand exactly why, don't you, Mister Potter?"
"But…I…" It was no use. He wanted to say that it wasn't his fault that Hermione had gotten the journal; he certainly didn't hand it to her. But the truth of the matter was, he had been careless when he'd left it behind. "Yes. I do understand." He said softly. "I forgot to pick the journal up from the floor when I left earlier. She must have found it right after you walked out. I didn't mean to leave it, but by the time I realized I'd forgotten it, it was too late to come back for it because of her checkup. I was hoping I'd dropped it in a spot where she wouldn't see it. What happened to her? Will she be all right?" He finished gravely. His eyes had begun to tear and he lifted his glasses to rub them in hopes of stopping them before they started.
"Harry, when people suffer head injuries there is a period of time when emotional overload sort of short-circuits the brain and the pain becomes unbearable. This can cause the person to pass out, such as Miss Granger did. She should be all right, just give her a little time." She said as she checked her pulse again and found that it had almost returned to normal and she was breathing more evenly. "Unfortunately, the extent of damage to the head after a blow such as Miss Granger's is often not revealed until long after the trauma occurred; generally when we are under the impression that the healing process has begun. The same can be true of us. Because of our blood we tend to heal more quickly but oftentimes that healing begins after a spell has been performed. If we do not know the damage, how can we perform the proper spell? Spells were, of course, performed on Miss Granger to prevent swelling and things of that nature, but you know, Mister Potter, that Miss Granger's case was very unusual. It is not often that a witch or wizard falls into a coma. Under normal circumstances we are generally able to prevent that type of thing."
"Normal circumstances?" Harry asked questioningly. "What exactly do you mean by normal circumstances? I understand that her falling into a coma is not common, but it sounds like you're trying to say something else. Like there's something more."
Madam Pomfrey nodded. "Yes, Mister Potter, you are quite astute, aren't you?" She said smiling as though she were proud of him for his insightfulness. "The truth is, we have been unable at this point to determine what went wrong when she was cursed. Ordinarily with the use of a killing curse the one on the receiving end would die immediately. However, th…"
Harry held up his hand to interrupt her. "Sorry." He said. "But isn't it possible that the one performing the curse didn't mean it enough? I mean, I've been told that in order for any unforgivable curse to be effective, the one performing it has to truly mean it. They have to really want it to work."
Madam Pomfrey nodded again. "That is true, Harry, they do have to mean it." She said. "Have you talked to Professor Dumbledore about this?" She asked. Harry was confused by the abrupt change in conversation.
"About unforgivable curses?" Harry asked, confused by her question.
"No, Mister Potter, have you talked to him about Miss Granger? About this?" She said gesturing her hands at the whole of Hermione. "About why she is here?"
He was finally beginning to understand her meaning. "Sort of. I mean, when he was starting to tell me what really happened I asked him whether or not the person who cursed her meant to kill her or just harm her."
"And what did he say?" She asked.
"He said that he thought they very much intended to kill her." He said softly as he looked at her. His voice was filled with pain as he remembered who had done this to her…and that he was the reason for it. His body swayed uncontrollably.
"Mister Potter?" Madam Pomfrey's voice cut through his painful thoughts and he jerked his head up in
response. "Are you all right?" She asked; concern etched her voice. "Do you need to lie
down?"
Harry shook his head. "No. No…I'm fine. I'm okay." He stammered. He looked at her questioningly once again. "Why are you asking me about Professor Dumbledore?"
"Ah. My timing is perfect, I see." Both Harry and Madam Pomfrey looked up at the sound of Dumbledore's voice as he approached them. "Talking about me, are you?" He asked, looking between the two of them. Neither of them spoke and Dumbledore smiled. "Well, I am here now. Is there something that either of you wishes to say? I promise I won't bite." He said chuckling softly.
Madam Pomfrey smiled at him. "I was just asking Mister Potter if he had spoken with you about how Miss Granger came to be here." She said.
"I assume that he has told you what was said?" Dumbledore said.
"He told me that he had inquired as to whether her assailant intended to kill her or merely harm her; apparently you told him that you believed her assailant very much intended to kill her." She stated matter-of-factly.
"Ah, yes. That is the extent of it then, isn't it?" He said, looking at Harry. "Is there more you think I should tell him Poppy?" He asked with a sideways glance at Madam Pomfrey.
"Yes, Albus. The entire truth." She said gravely. "The worst of it may be knowing that the intent was to kill Miss Granger, but we both know that there could more to it than that. Miss Granger has passed out upon the discovery of the journal and Mister Potter is in need of an explanation."
Harry watched as Dumbledore looked at her while he contemplated what she'd said. "I assume that she will be all right?" He inquired of her. When she nodded Harry was taken aback when he suddenly turned to look at him. "Harry, before we proceed, I must ask you something." He said solemnly. "I fear it may be too soon to tell because Miss Granger has only been awake for a short while. However, I must ask anyway. Have you noticed any changes in her behavior, Harry? Anything out of the ordinary?"
Harry's eyes widened as he nodded. "Yes…yes…I have." He stammered. "When I came in to see her after I talked with Madam Pomfrey outside the door she was…well…different."
"How do you mean, Harry? Tell me precisely what you mean by `different'." He said intently.
Harry was looking at him as though he'd gone mad. He couldn't understand why they were so interested in `precisely' knowing the way in which Hermione was different…he wasn't convinced he wanted to know, either.
His voice was shaky as he started to answer. "When I walked in she was crying." He said slowly as he envisioned the sight he had seen when he entered the room. His voice had taken on a trance-like tone as he continued, "I stopped walking so I could look at her. She was looking down at her lap so I tried to see what she was looking at. That's when I saw the journal. I must have gasped or something because she looked up at me. She called out to me and I walked closer. She looked sad and hurt but there was more; she looked…she looked…angry and full of something that looked like…hate. I've never seen her like that and it scared me. She pointed at the book and asked what it was. I was so shocked by what I saw in her eyes that all I could say what that it was a journal. Then…she changed. She started yelling; even cursing a little, and her face turned red. She said…" He hadn't realized that his voice changed to reflect Hermione's as he continued to recite her words. "She said, `Damn it Harry. I'm not stupid. I can see it's a journal. What I want to know is where the hell it came from and how it came to be in your possession." Her words were repeated verbatim. He looked up to see Dumbledore's worried eyes staring back at him.
Dumbledore was momentarily taken aback. Harry could not remember there ever being a time when Dumbledore looked helpless and it scared him to his very core.
Dumbledore coughed and cleared his throat. He sighed before he spoke. "Tell me, Harry." He said solemnly. "What did Miss Granger do when you told her that I was responsible for giving you the journal?"
Harry blinked rapidly then looked straight at Dumbledore. "She was furious." He said. "All emotion save for pure, raw anger left her eyes. I've never seen her so angry. She yelled and her face became a darker, deeper shade of red. Then she started to say something...she said, `What the hell was he thinking giving you…' and then she was done. She grabbed her head and cried out in pain. When I went to her she wasn't moving. I tried to make her move. I tried to get a reaction. But I couldn't. She just lay there. That's when I screamed. That's when Madam Pomfrey came running in here. What does it mean? He asked worriedly.
Dumbledore quickly conjured a chair from midair and sat down heavily. "Please, Harry. Have a seat." He said; pointing to the chair Harry had been sitting in for two solid weeks. Dumbledore looked at Madam Pomfrey. "Are you interested in staying Poppy or would you rather leave us?" He inquired.
"I'd like to stay if that's alright with you…and Mister Potter." She added quickly, looking from one to the other.
"Of course." Dumbledore said. He looked at Harry. "Harry?"
Harry looked at Madam Pomfrey. "Yes…yes…sure. Of course." He stammered.
Dumbledore conjured another chair and after another check on the now sleeping Hermione, Madam Pomfrey sat down to join them.
Harry saw the look that passed between them and his fear increased tenfold. "Will someone please tell me what's going on here?" He asked abruptly.
"Yes, Harry. Please…just give me a moment to collect my thoughts." Dumbledore said. "After all that you've been through, this is not an easy thing to tell you."
"Please?" Harry begged. "The suspense is killing me faster than any words you say might."
"All right, Harry." Dumbledore said. "Tell me what you know about unforgivable curses."
Harry couldn't believe it. Here he was, waiting anxiously for some kind of answer to what was happening with Hermione and Dumbledore was giving him a pop quiz. He shook his head in disbelief. "What?" He asked. "Why? I don't get it. Can't you just tell me what's going on? Why are you asking me questions when you're the one with all the answers?"
"Harry, please. Whether or not you see the point in it now is irrelevant at the moment. There is a reason, which shall be revealed momentarily; just as soon as you answer my question." Dumbledore said. "Now tell me, Harry, what do you know about unforgivable curses?"
Harry sighed. There would be no way around this game and he was tired of wasting time. He took a deep breath to control the anger that was boiling just below the surface. "I know that you have to mean them. They are ineffective if you have the slightest bit of doubt or hesitation when you use them." He said quickly.
"That is true, Harry. That is true." Dumbledore replied, nodding his head. "However, there is more to it then merely meaning the curse. Do you know what happens when an unforgivable curse is used by someone who does not perform it with the proper feeling behind it?"
Harry thought back to the time he fought Bellatrix LeStrange at the Department of Mysteries during his fifth year. "I know that when I tried to use `Crucio' on Bellatrix she barely reacted at all, it only knocked her off her feet and she was up again quickly. She told me then that I would have to mean it if I wanted it to work…and although she had killed Sirius, I couldn't do it."
Dumbledore nodded again. "Yes, Harry. Even under circumstances such as those, your heart is too good to allow you to do such harm to another…even if they deserved it." He said looking at Harry over the top of his glasses.
"But what does that have to do with anything?" Harry asked. "I'm not getting it."
"We do not know which unforgivable curse Miss Chang performed on Miss Granger. We have assumed to this point that it was the `Avada' curse." Dumbledore said. "However, now that you have informed us of the abrupt change in Miss Granger…" he looked at Madam Pomfrey before continuing, "we are more inclined to believe that another curse was used."
The look of confusion had returned to Harry's face. "So…you mean…you're saying…" He cleared his throat and chose his words carefully to be sure he understood, "so…you're saying that maybe she didn't mean to kill Hermione? She only wanted to injure her or…or worse?"
Dumbledore shook his head quickly. "Oh no, Harry. No. I still believe that Miss Chang's intent was to do more than harm or permanently disfigure or injure Miss Granger. No. What I believe has happened, is that other emotions interfered with the effectiveness of the spell."
"And that means…" Harry said, urging Dumbledore to continue.
"It means, Harry, that her emotions prevented her from utilizing the full intent of the curse. Have you read any of her journal? Do you have any indication of the amount of anger she has harbored for the past three years?"
"I've only read the first entry. I sensed a lot of bitterness and sadness mixed with a small amount of anger."
Dumbledore looked at him and Harry saw an overwhelming sadness in his eyes. Dumbledore sighed. "As you read the journal, Harry, you will discover that her emotions go well beyond the depths of bitterness. She is more than sad, more than angry, and more than a little…jealous." He said.
"Jealous?" Harry asked bewildered. "Why on earth would she be jealous?"
"You had what she didn't, Harry." Dumbledore said slowly, deliberately choosing his words carefully.
"What is that?" Harry asked.
"Love."
"What? What love?" He said.
Dumbledore said nothing as he looked at Hermione's sleeping form.
"What…?" Harry said. "What are you trying to say? I didn't have love with Hermione when Cedric died. I liked her then. Not Hermione."
"I know that is what you believe, Harry. But that is not the way that others have perceived it. Myself included, I must admit." Dumbledore said.
"Wha…" Harry began, his anger starting to surface again.
Dumbledore held up his hand. "Wait, Harry. Just wait." He said. "I do not, by any means, want you to think that I am trying to justify the actions of Miss Chang. However, whether or not you admit it to yourself you have been blind when it comes to your feelings for Miss Granger. There is much more that I would like to say on this subject. So many realizations that I feel would greatly benefit you. However, now is neither the time nor the place for that. The issue at hand is Miss Chang and her curse."
Harry conceded. "You're right. It's not the time. Although, I would very much like to hear what sort of insight you feel you had regarding my personal life more than three years ago." He said sardonically.
Dumbledore chuckled and shook his head. "Oh no, Harry. You misunderstand. My `insight', as you call it, goes well beyond three years ago. I believe I can precisely pinpoint the exact moment you fell in love with Miss Granger."
Harry jumped back in his seat, shocked and not a little annoyed. "Tell me about, Cho." He said abruptly. "We'll talk about the rest later. I need to know what's happening with Hermione right now."
"You are quite right, Harry. Now where were we?" He said. "Oh yes. Miss Chang was quite jealous of your relationship with Miss Granger. In her mind, you took away her one true love and yet, there you were…with yours. How unfair was it that the one responsible got to go on living when so much of her had died with Mister Diggory?" He looked at the pained expression on Harry's face and quickly added, "These are her words, Harry. Not mine. You must know that I find you in no way responsible for Mister Diggory's death, nor does anyone else. Do you recall what I told you earlier about not forgetting who you truly are?" He asked.
Harry nodded.
"Good." Said Dumbledore. "Then do not forget. These are the reasons that I have been so adamant in telling you such things. If you are to survive discovering the truth, you must remember that what you will read and learn is by no means an indication of who you truly are."
Harry looked down at the floor then slowly back up again. "Okay." He said softly. "I'll try."
Dumbledore nodded. "Very well, Harry. For now that is all that I can ask." He said before he reverted back to the subject at hand. "Unforgivable curses. The witch or wizard performing the curse must feel the emotion necessary to make the curse effective. However, if a person is feeling any other emotion the effectiveness is weakened and sometimes…changed."
"Changed?" Harry said curiously. "What do you mean `changed'?"
"As I've already stated, Miss Chang was filled with conflicting emotions where yourself and Miss Granger were concerned. She hated the both of you and yet, she envied you. She wanted what you had…what Miss Granger had with you. I fear those emotions were in conflict with one another and it was a constant struggle for her to determine which emotion was stronger…hate or envy." He said. "In order for an unforgivable curse to work effectively, hate would have to be the stronger of the two emotions. Judging by the changes you've witnessed in Miss Granger, it does not appear as though that was the case."
"So what are you saying?" Harry asked worriedly.
"What I am saying is…it would appear as though Miss Granger was struck by a curse that was fueled by the entirely wrong emotion." Dumbledore said patiently.
"Okay." Harry said. "I get that…but…"
Dumbledore sighed. "If Miss Granger was struck by a curse emotionally charged with envy there is the chance…and this is not for certain, Harry. But there is a chance that…"
Harry jumped out of his seat and began pacing. He shook his head as he looked intermittingly between Dumbledore and Hermione. "No. No." He said, his anger rising. He looked up at Dumbledore with fury in his eyes. "NO!" He yelled vehemently. "You cannot tell me…" he took a deep breath, "you CANNOT tell me…" He looked at Hermione again and sighed. Tears stung his eyes. He loved her, damn it, and even if what he was thinking were true, he would love her; together they would conquer the demons. He looked back at Dumbledore. "Are you trying to tell me that a part of Cho could be living inside Hermione?" He asked; his voice even, steady and yet filled with an undeterminable amount of emotion.
Dumbledore lowered his head and sighed once again. Harry did not deserve this. He thought. He had been through so much already and he did not deserve this.
Harry watched him and he knew. The answer to his question was reflected back as clearly as if Dumbledore had raised a giant neon sign. He reached for the journal where it still lay near Hermione. He returned to his chair and sat down heavily. He looked at the book he held tightly in his hand. The tears that had merely stung just a moment ago now fell freely from his eyes. "AGHH!" He screamed as threw the book across the length of the infirmary. He watched it as it flew he heard a loud thump as it struck the ground. He put his head in his hands and cried.
Dumbledore stood and walked to stand near him. He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder to comfort him. He braced himself, knowing full well what Harry would do next.
Harry looked up and struck out him. He held nothing back as he shoved his hand away. "Don't…" He looked up at Dumbledore, "touch me." He said ferociously.
Dumbledore stood his ground. "Harry?" He said earnestly. "Harry, you must listen to me."
"What?" Harry said angrily. "What could you possibly have to say that would make this all right? Hermione's been through hell because of me and now…and now…" his tone softened as the feeling of defeat crept over him, "and now, this." He raised his hands. "Whatever this is. Is there no mercy? Is there no point where it all stops? Can't it just be enough already?"
"Harry, listen. I understand what you are feeling…" Dumbledore began before Harry interrupted him.
"How could you?" Harry asked.
"Harry, please. You must listen." Dumbledore said anxiously. "This is only a possibility. We do not know for certain that any of this is factual. We…" He gestured between himself and Madam Pomfrey; whom Harry had forgotten was in the room until then, "are only trying to make you aware of the possibilities; to prepare you. You mustn't let yourself get too upset. It wasn't long ago that you, yourself, were lying in a bed here. You do not want to return. You will be of no assistance to Miss Granger if you are lying helplessly in a bed next to her."
Harry reluctantly conceded. Maybe there was hope. Maybe everything would be all right in the end. God let it be all right, he sighed. "You said that this is just a possibility. Can you give me another explanation for her irrational behavior? I've been through a lot with Hermione over the last seven years and I have never, never seen her behave that way…and I've done some pretty messed up, stupid things." He said.
Madam Pomfrey spoke up. "Mister Potter…"
Harry interrupted. "Please, don't call me that." He said. "Can you please just call me Harry?" He looked then at Hermione, "And her Hermione. Her name is Hermione."
Both Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey nodded. "Very well, then…Harry." She said. "As I was saying, Harry, trauma such as that experienced by…Hermione," said with concentrated effort, "can oftentimes make the victim more emotional then they might normally be. It's as though their emotions are magnified. Whereas one might normally be mildly upset about something, after a trauma such as this, that same thing might trigger much more violent emotions such as the anger experienced by Hermione earlier."
"So your saying that there's a chance she could just be emotionally imbalanced, or something, right now?" Harry asked, relief beginning to spread through nearly as quickly as the anger had moments ago.
"Yes, Harry. That is what we are counting on. That is why I told you not to let her get too upset or emotional for at least the next couple of days. She needs time to regain her emotional balance. It may, in fact, take longer than a couple of days, even for a witch, but at least that would be a start. I know that you want to discover the entire truth about what happened to her, but you must be willing to wait until the time is appropriate to do so." She said. "Now is not that time."
"Okay." Harry agreed. "From this point forward I will do everything within my power to ensure that Hermione stays relaxed and rested." He looked at them both as a sudden thought came to mind. "But what am I supposed to do when she gets tired of resting and relaxing? This is Hermione we're talking about after all. That's not going to last long, you know? In fact, I bet she's restless and ready to wring my neck by this time tomorrow." He said and he raised his hands up as if to prevent her from choking him. He looked at Dumbledore. "You have her wand tucked away somewhere, right? You know what she can do with that thing and I don't intend to be on the receiving end of it."
Dumbledore laughed; a real laugh. It was the first time in a long time that Harry had heard it and he began to laugh with him.
"Don't worry, Harry." He said. "I am in possession of her wand. You should be safe. Unless…" He said mischievously.
"Unless?" Harry said, the slightest trace of fear creeping back into his voice.
Dumbledore smiled. "Unless she knows some wandless magic that you're not aware of." He said, his eyes twinkling once again.
Harry swallowed hard through the smile he kept plastered on his face. Does she? He wondered. Nah! He thought as he glanced worriedly in her direction.
He looked back at Dumbledore and then to Madam Pomfrey. "So." He said. "You're telling me that Hermione could either be carrying around an overly-emotional part of Cho Chang, or she could just be emotionally imbalanced herself…which we hope is only temporary? Right?"
They both nodded.
"Well. Okay, then. Emotionally imbalanced it is then." He said.
"Harry, you cannot entirely rule out the other possibility." Dumbledore said.
"Oh. Well. Sure I can." Harry replied. "See, this is me and…" he raised his arms to indicate himself and the entire infirmary, "this is my world of make-believe." He finished with a smile.
Through their laughter they did not see the young woman who lay close by, silently watching them. A devilish gleam in her eye the only indication that she'd heard them…
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A/N: Okay, I took a few liberties with this one with the spells, head trauma, and such…I had too.
I hope that you enjoyed it.
Thanks. H_HrFan
PS I get a lot of comments about cliffhangers…I love them but I don't want to risk losing readers because of them. If the majority of you prefer it, I can write more chapters that don't leave you hanging like this…though I don't think it'll be as much fun for any of us. My schedule has recently opened up a lot more so I'm hoping to be able to write faster than I have been (though I think I've done pretty well to this point). Anyway, if you really, truly are perturbed by cliffies and are on the verge of leaving, let me know. I'll see what I can do about it.
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