A/N: I like this chapter…surprisingly enough. I hope you do too!
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Someday, Love
Harry looked at her cautiously, "Hermione?"
She looked back at him defiantly, "What?" She asked brusquely.
"Hermione, I need you to tell me what's in the journal. We need to find the answers so we can figure this all out." He said with great care. "I…" he shook his head, "we need to get you back."
"What if I don't want to help? What if I don't want to 'be back' as you put it? What if…" She looked at him to gauge his reaction, "…I like being this way?"
Harry jumped out of his chair and reached his hand out for the journal, "Give me the journal, Hermione," He said forcefully.
"No," She answered with equal force.
Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he slowly opened them and looked at her piercingly, "I said, give…me…the journal." He said slowly, punctuating each word.
"I…said…no!" She replied, matching him emotion for emotion.
Harry took another deep breath in a desperate attempt to control the rage that was building within him. His voice was calm, even, as he spoke, "This isn't getting us anywhere. I need you to give me the journal so I can put these pieces together. I need to know what to do and I need to know…" he looked at her wry smile and narrowed eyes and the next word exploded from within him, "NOW!"
Hermione jumped and her eyes shot open as she watched the color drain from his face as he realized how close he'd been to losing all control. She was frightened now, but a part of her enjoyed watching his struggle.
She looked into his seemingly unfocused eyes and silent tears began to fall as she felt his pain. Hermione fought against the demons that raged inside her and reached out to hand him the journal.
It took him a moment to realize that she was handing it to him and as finally he reached for it, she snatched it back. "NO!" She yelled. "I told you to stay away from it." She shouted at him.
Harry jumped back in surprise. He looked into her eyes and he was sure that he was looking into the eyes of his Hermione. But the look on her face and the way she held the journal away from him was enough for him to know that while he could see his Hermione's sorrow in her eyes, she was far from being in control.
"Tell me what it says, Hermione," He said softly. He was unwilling now to push her any further. The look in her eyes could have destroyed a lesser man and he could not bear to watch her suffer anymore.
"Why should I?" Her voice had mellowed and taken on a note of curiosity.
"Because I want to help," He said in the same soft tones.
"Who do you want to help?" She said. He looked up quickly when he heard the note of sincerity in her voice.
He looked straight into her eyes and saw that while the fighting had suddenly mellowed, the battle still raged. He reached for her hand as he searched her eyes and her face, "I want to help both of you," He said with empathy.
Her tears began to fall again as she watched him and for a moment she felt every last ounce of his pain. Her eyes dropped to the journal she still held tightly in her hands. Slowly she opened the book and turned the pages until she found the entry he needed. She lifted her eyes to him. The look on his face and the love reflected in his eyes steeled her resolve and quietly she began to read…
Journal Entry
Finally it's over! Graduation day. You should have been here Cedric. You should have been standing next to me as this chapter in our lives ends and new doors begin to open. No doors are opening for me anymore because I've sealed myself away. All I live for now is the end of it all. I've tried to let go…or at least I thought I had. It's been two years and still he lives while you have died, and I can't bear the thought of ending it before he, too, can realize this pain.
He lost his parents but he was a baby. He didn't really know them. He lost his godfather but he didn't have that much time with him so I doubt he could have loved him much at all. It's not the kind of love that he would feel as deeply as what I feel anyway. For five years Cedric…five years I loved you. We were friends and then became so much more before it was taken away. I'm sorry I can't let go; I really wish that I could. He has to know the pain…he has to experience it. Only then can I let go…I know that now. The hate I feel for him far outweighs my need to end it all too soon. Today I feel it stronger than I ever have before because today is the day we should be starting our life together.
I saved all of the articles about you and I know the place where you were killed. Now that I've graduated I'm finally free to do what I want. Although I know it's not possible, I want to share this day with you. As soon as the Hogwarts Express stops at King's Cross Station, I will be boarding another train bound for Little Hangleton so I can see where it happened…I need to see the place where your spirit lies so I can feel closer to you. I know you'll find me there, you've always known where to find me.
Until then, I'll look for you in my dreams. I'll love you always.
This time Harry could not fight the tears that threatened to fall. There was a lot of pain in that entry and he had been the cause of it. It had not been Cedric's time and if he hadn't been so damn noble at the end of the tournament he would have taken that trophy and spun off into nowhere on his own. It had been his nobility and 'people saving thing' that had gotten him in the most trouble over the years. It had gotten Cedric and Sirius and countless others killed and every person gone took a tiny piece of his heart with them. He only hoped that by the time they were done, there would be enough left for him to feel worthy of Hermione's love. Who could love a heartless man? Hermione deserved so much more than he felt he could offer.
She watched him from the bed. The emotions played across his face like a movie and she was on the verge of giving him four stars. All I need is popcorn, she thought amusedly as she continued to watch.
NO! Hermione screamed inside her head. The sound did not escape her but the echo resounded through her head as though it had. "Harry what's next?" She asked quickly, desperately, as she tried to hold back the hurtful thoughts that were wreaking havoc on her mind.
He looked up in surprise. "Hermione?" He asked anxiously.
She nodded and spoke quickly, "But I don't know for how long Harry. Please. Help me." She cried out desperately.
Harry looked at the journal still in her hands. "Put the journal away, Hermione. Let go of it," He said in a desperate attempt to get her back. They had what they needed…Little Hangleton. But what's next? He wondered. He didn't have time to dwell on his thoughts as he heard the journal go crashing to the floor.
Startled, he looked up to see Hermione's arms outstretched and her fingers splayed as though waiting for the journal to return on its own. After a moment her hands dropped to the bed and she fell back against the pillows.
He rushed forward to check on her and discovered, much to his relief, that she'd only fallen asleep. He sat back down and contemplated all that had happened. There was too much…too many things to process. She was breathing normally when he checked on her again so he kissed her cheek and left to get some parchment and a quill.
He met Professor Dumbledore in the corridor on his way to his room. Dumbledore wasted no time in getting to the point, "Ah Harry, so good to see you. Tell me, what have you learned?"
"Nothing." Harry said exasperatedly. He noted Dumbledore's curious stare and replied, "Okay, we've learned a lot but none of it makes any sense. It's like putting together a 5000-piece puzzle in only 5 minutes. In the right state of mind, Hermione could probably do it, but right now she can't and to be honest…" he looked up at Dumbledore with a look of desperation as his voice dropped, "I feel lost without her."
"You are much further than you think, Harry." Dumbledore replied thoughtfully. "Remember your dreams."
"I'm trying," Harry said softly.
"Do you remember what happened to you during your fourth confrontation with Voldemort?" Dumbledore asked seemingly out of the blue.
Harry thought back…the stone, the chamber, the tournament, the Department of Mysteries. "How could I forget?" He replied softly. "That's when I got Sirius killed."
Dumbledore placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Listen to me, Harry, you are not responsible for Sirius' death and you must find a way to forgive yourself if you wish to move on. You continue to torture yourself by carrying a guilt that is not yours to carry. Sirius was a grown man and he made the choice, of his own volition, to join in the fight that night. You did not ask him to come nor did you wield the curse that sent him through the veil. You must let go, Harry."
"I can't," He replied, his voice filled with the same sorrow that accompanied Sirius' death two years ago.
"You must, Harry." Dumbledore replied firmly. "Back to my question," He said in another apparent attempt to change the conversation. "I am inquiring as to your fourth confrontation, not your fifth. Do you remember what happened? The events that took place?"
Harry nodded. "That's the night that Voldemort regained his power. It's the night he was reborn."
Dumbledore nodded. "That is correct Harry. I want you to concentrate on your dreams and concentrate on the events of that evening. You are much closer than you think, Harry." He said, looking over the top of his glasses at Harry. "Think, Harry. Remember."
Harry stared at him for a moment and was startled to see him turn and walk away without so much as a goodbye. Weird, Harry thought, as he stood there transfixed on the retreating form.
Remembering his intended destination, he hurriedly went to his room and grabbed the parchment and a quill. There were so many things going on that he needed to organize his thoughts. Hermione would be so proud, he thought with a smile. He quickly returned to the infirmary and much to his surprise Hermione was sitting up in the bed, her eyes searching frantically around the room for him. She smiled and released a sigh of relief when finally she saw him enter.
"Where have you been Harry?"
He smiled at her and moved quickly to her bedside to kiss her. After a few lingering kisses he reluctantly pulled away. "It's so good to have you back," He said with a smile as he searched her face and her eyes and found no trace of anyone but his Hermione.
She smiled back and nodded her head. "But where have you been?" She repeated.
He held out the parchment and quill and said, "I needed to get some parchment so I could write all this stuff down. There's too much to think about and piece together without writing it down first. Now that you're awake, you can help."
She nodded her head, "Okay. Let's get to it."
They decided not to number anything, they just needed to list everything they could remember and hope they didn't forget anything important.
He sat down on the bed next to her and started to write. He decided to start with his dreams…
DREAMS
The battlefield…Cho, Millicent, Draco
The light
The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again.
Little Hangleton
The graveyard
The light
The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again.
Listen and remember your dreams
Your dreams are the portal to finding the answers
DUMBLEDORE
Remember your dreams
Portal
Events during fourth confrontation with Voldemort
"What's that one Harry?" Hermione asked as she watched him write down the one about Voldemort.
He looked up at her in surprise. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I saw Dumbledore on my way to get the parchment. He told me to 'remember your dreams and concentrate on the events of that evening'," He said in his best, wise Dumbledore impression. Hermione looked at him curiously and he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head to tell her he had no idea yet.
GENERAL
Trelawney killed
Cho cursed Hermione
Cho killed
Draco, and Millicent killed
HERMIONE'S DREAM
Lessons learned
- Let go of fear of being alone
- Let go of fear of future
- Trust her heart
HARRY'S LESSONS
Don't trust Cho Chang (too late)
HARRY'S FEARS
Losing the people I love
Not finding the answers in time (or not at all)
Not feeling worthy of Hermione (and her realizing I'm not)
"Okay Harry. That's enough." Hermione said as she saw how ridiculous his list was getting. "Self-pity isn't going to help anything right now and you know damn good well that if you weren't worthy I wouldn't waste my time with you." She said in mock frustration as she snaked her arms around his waist. He turned to face her and for the moment, the desire in her eyes melted away all his worries as he leaned forward to kiss her.
"Mmm…" He heard her sigh, the sound vibrated through his body and he pressed his mouth harder against hers. She opened up to him immediately and allowed herself to succumb to this moment; to this chance to lose herself, to forget all the pain and to just enjoy the feel of him, the taste of him. He was intoxicating and the more he kissed her, the more she felt as though her body were floating.
The light, airy feeling sent her mind and body reeling and she moved her hands to his back and pulled him down with her until she was lying flat and he lay above her. The weight of his body pressed against hers gave her a sense of security and she maneuvered herself until his body nearly covered hers. She pulled away to look into his eyes and the hunger she saw in them caused pinpricks of electric shock to burst within the pit of her stomach. She moved her arms from his back to wrap them around his neck so she could hold him tighter. Their kisses were passionate, their hunger for each other undeniable as the speed with which they sought each other increased with every flick of the tongue.
She felt his hardness pressed against her thigh and she gasped as the reality of what could so easily happen, hit her. He saw her widened eyes and the sudden look of fear in them. Not wanting to let go of her and the feelings she aroused in him, he gentle pulled her lip with his teeth and kissed her one more time before he rolled off and laid beside her. "I'm sorry Harry." She whispered breathlessly as she searched his face for signs of anger or regret. "I didn't mean to…"
He placed his finger on her lips and whispered, "Don't Hermione. I already know." He smiled gently and ran his fingers along her jaw as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "Someday, Love."
She shivered uncontrollably at the gentleness of his words and the tenderness of his caress. She could still see the desire in his eyes and it filled her heart to know that it was there for her. Someday was right…someday soon is what she hoped for…
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A/N: I don't think I'll be able to post again until Tuesday. I'll be out of town until sometime Monday. Hopefully I'll at least get a chance to write the next chapter and have it ready to post. At least I left you without a cliffhanger! Now I'll just have to hope you'll all come back without one! You know that's why I leave them, right? I have to keep you coming back somehow! LOL
Thanks for your continued support. This is a great learning experience and I thank you for your reviews.
Have a great weekend and I hope to see you back on Tuesday!
H_HrFan