A/N: This chapter is shorter (not to mention a little more sarcastic) then most but I feel like there's not a lot more that I can add to it without overdoing it just for the sake of word count. I can't wait to see if anyone notices what I have intentionally left out…
Keep in mind, some chapters have to be for answers…this is one of those!
As always, thanks for reading…and most especially, reviewing. I look forward to your comments.
I hope that you enjoy this new installment…
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A Longing for the Simple Life
"Your world of make-believe now, is it?" Dumbledore said smiling.
"Well. You know, I look at it this way." Harry said amusedly. "If I make this my make-believe world I get to set the rules. And if I have to choose between a Hermione who is emotionally imbalanced or a Hermione who is channeling some emotionally-overcharged part of Cho Chang…" he raised his hands as if he were weighing his options, "well…not much competition there, let me tell you. I'll take an emotionally imbalanced Hermione any day."
Dumbledore's smile slowly began to fade and his voice took on a more serious tone. "People who live in worlds of make-believe often fall much harder when hit unexpectedly with the harshness of reality, Harry. I must caution you not to become one of those people." He said wisely…in that same, all-knowing voice that often drove Harry insane; this time was no exception.
Harry looked at Dumbledore. "Don't worry." He said cynically. "There's always something new to prevent me from escaping reality for too long. Although I must say, escape would be a nice change." He added off-handedly.
"We all want that, Harry." Said Dumbledore knowingly. "We all do."
"So tell me about this spell or curse or…whatever it is that went wrong." Harry said. "Is it similar to what happened to me when Voldemort tried to kill me the first time? I know he transferred some of his powers to me but that nearly killed him. From the letter, Cho walked away just fine. Why is that?"
Dumbledore considered Harry's questions before answering. "I suppose, Harry, you could say it is something similar to that which happened to you." He said. "I would think however, that the difference in the way the curses reflected back upon Voldemort and Miss Chang would be quite obvious to you." He said, looking once again at Harry over the top of his half-moon spectacles.
Harry, who had been watching him closely, lowered his head as the realization slowly dawned on him. He looked up slowly and concentrated for a moment on Dumbledore before speaking. "Voldemort had no conflicting emotion." He said softly as Dumbledore slowly nodded his encouragement. The more Harry spoke…the more he was sure that he finally knew an answer…the louder, more confident, his voice became. He sat up straighter and began to move his hand up and down with the rhythm of his words. "So when he cursed me it was pure hate that rebounded on him and the intensity of it nearly killed him. But because Cho's emotion was more envy and less hate, it wasn't as powerful, so what rebounded on her wouldn't have had the same impact as what rebounded on Voldemort. So, she wouldn't have suffered as greatly and she would have been able to walk away."
"Yes…and no." Dumbledore said noncommittally.
Damn. Harry thought. Wrong again.
Dumbledore was watching him closely and he knew the thought that now went through Harry's mind. "Do not fret, Harry. One day you will have the answers. Your ability to deduce the clues is remarkable; it only becomes greater with every new attempt." He said. "There is much more going on then your mere seventeen years can even hope to understand. I am still trying to work through much of it myself. Just give it time, Harry. Just give it time. Only with time will you gain the wisdom and knowledge you now desire."
Harry looked up, surprised. "But…I…how…?" He stammered. "Ah forget it! I don't even think I want to know anymore." He said waving his arm toward Dumbledore.
"Your eyes, Harry. You're eyes say so much more than you could ever hope to convey with mere words. They are, as you know…" he said with a flourish of his hand, "a window to your soul."
Note to self, Harry thought, get darker glasses. It's time my `windows' had a curtain.
"O-kay." Harry said, as he lowered his head and proceeded to shake it back and forth. "I'll keep that in mind." He looked back at Dumbledore. "Enough about my eyes and lack of wisdom, now. Can you tell me what you mean by `yes…and no'?" He asked, assuming Dumbledore's tone.
"Very well." Dumbledore said, becoming serious once again. "You mustn't forget, Harry, that you had your mother's love, which acted as a shield to protect you. Mi…" he paused, remembering Harry's words, "Hermione did not have that same sort of protection. It is highly probable that Miss Chang's curse never rebounded. Voldemort, on the other hand, was not nearly as fortunate. The power of love can do wondrous things, Harry."
"So…what then?" Harry asked.
"First and foremost, Harry, this is all very new to us. It is not common for things such as this to occur. Therefore, you must know that anything we say or perceive is purely speculation, at this point, on the part of myself and Madam Pomfrey." Dumbledore said with a glance in her direction.
"Okay." Harry said. "Speculate." He gestured with his hands as though giving Dumbledore the floor, urging him to speak.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "I am inclined to believe that if Hermione is indeed `channeling' Miss Chang the transference of emotion occurred after she fell and sustained her head injury. In her unconscious state she would have been defenseless against that which chose to invade her mind." He said.
"Do you think it was done on purpose? I mean, do you think that Cho could have known that a killing curse wouldn't be effective so she chose instead to…" Harry looked up at Dumbledore and slumped back in his chair; a terrifying thought creeping in…taking hold of his mind.
"What is it, Harry?" Dumbledore inquired.
Harry shook his head; shocked as his mind took him once again to a place he didn't want to be. As before, he refused to believe the horrifying thoughts that seemed to constantly invade him of late. His breathing became rapid and his body temperature began to rise. He struggled to take a few deep breaths. He wasn't sure what was worse at the moment; his fear of what may come, or the anger he felt should his fears be proven true. At that moment, without knowledge of whether or not he could be right or wrong, without any justification…for the first time ever…he wanted to kill someone other than Voldemort; but he couldn't … because she was already dead.
"Mister Potter?" Said Madam Pomfrey, her concern for him growing rapidly. She started to rise from her seat only to be stopped by Dumbledore who had been watching Harry intently. He looked quickly at Madam Pomfrey and shook his head `no' and guided her back to her seat.
"Give him a moment." Dumbledore whispered softly to her. She glanced worriedly from Harry to Dumbledore and slowly nodded her head.
Caught up in his own dark thoughts, Harry had not noticed the interaction between Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. Nor did he notice the curious look that Dumbledore was now directing his way…or his slow, silent nod of encouragement. He waited in anticipation for Harry to sort it out; it was yet another conclusion they could bring into the open; and with any luck, dismiss as improbable. He wanted Harry to move forth, into his quest for the truth, with the confidence he would need in his own ability to reason; he had relied far too long on both Dumbledore and Hermione and it was time he learned to rely upon himself.
Harry struggled with a few more deep breaths…breathe in…1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10…breathe out…breathe in…1,2,3,4,5…. After a minute of conscious counting and a few successful breaths he was finally able to pull himself together. His body temperature and breathing now more regulated, he gave an outward appearance of control; his eyes, however, belied a much deeper threat to his already fragile state of mind.
"O-kay, then." Harry said irreverently. "Think I'll banish that thought before I have to hunt down an already dead cow or something so I can slaughter it again."
Madam Pomfrey looked up in alarm. "Wha…Harry…" She looked at Dumbledore for an explanation.
Dumbledore smiled at Harry's choice of words. "The only way to truly banish the thought, Harry, is to say it aloud so we can prove it to be incorrect." He said. "Tell us what it is you are thinking."
Harry looked directly at him and shook his head. "I don't think I can." He said wistfully.
"You must allow us to assist you in working through it, Harry." Dumbledore said with the slightest echo of impatience in his voice. "Please do not make me insist upon it."
Harry sighed. "All right." He said. "But before I tell you, you have to promise to tell me that I'm wrong…no matter what you might think about the possibility of it being true.
"Come now." Dumbledore reasoned. "By now you must know me better than that. Do you recall my saying, Harry, that I wanted to ask that you promise me you would not to take Miss Chang's words to heart when I gave to you her journal?"
Harry nodded. "You told me that you thought it would be too difficult a promise to keep." He said.
"As such, Harry, did I ask you to promise?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry shook his head. "No, sir." He replied.
"As a rule, Harry, we do not make promises we cannot keep, correct?" Harry nodded. "Nor do we ask of people to make promises that they cannot possibly keep." He said firmly. "Now, whatever conclusion you may have reached, Harry, no matter how true it may be, we will work it out…the three of us, together; if that is the way you choose." He said with a lingering look at Hermione. "Now tell us what it is you are thinking."
Harry sighed. He hated it when Dumbledore stated the obvious like that. Every time it happened it made him realize just how far he had to go before he could call himself anything but mediocre in nearly everything; the only exception being magic, he was damn good at that.
"What I was thinking…" He began. He took a deep breath and looked at Hermione; willing her to give him strength while at the same time praying he was wrong. He closed his eyes and concentrated on calming his quickening heart rate before he tried again, "What I was wondering is…" Damn it. He thought. Damn her. DAMN YOU CHO CHANG for putting us through this. What the hell did I ever see in her?
"Go on, Harry." Dumbledore gently urged.
Harry tried again. This time he took a deep breath and plunged ahead, his words pouring out faster than he could ever remember speaking, "I want to know if she could have done this on purpose. You know, possessed Hermione so it might…so that it would…so maybe…" He drifted off; unable to lay voice to the horrible thoughts that now ran rampant in his mind.
This was what Dumbledore had been waiting for. He needed for Harry to ask the questions so they could work out the possibilities now; if he didn't, the consequences could be disastrous later. "To keep you apart, Harry?" he finished for him. "To drive a wedge between you, perhaps?"
Harry nodded. "Or worse." He said solemnly. "What if she did it on purpose in the hope that Hermione would get so overwhelmed emotionally that she would try to…" he took a deep, ragged breath, "to…kill herself or something? Then I would be left without the love of my life…just as she felt she was. Wouldn't that be the ultimate revenge?"
"If it is any consolation, Harry, I do not believe Miss Chang to be capable of the dark magic necessary to perform such a curse. I stand firm in my belief that Miss Chang's sole intention was to kill Miss Granger." He said solemnly; ignoring this time, Harry's request to address her as Hermione. "I know finding consolation in that may be difficult but you must believe, Harry…you must believe that regardless of Miss Granger's current state of being, it is far better to have her here with you…then to have to face the alternative of a life without her. As I have said, love can do wondrous things."
"I don't even want to think about it." Harry said. "I already can't imagine my life without her and I've only really known for two weeks that I'm in love with her. All I want is to spend the rest of my life with her; making her happy, loving her, building a family…it should all be so simple now, you know? Why can't it just be simple?"
"Nothing in life is simple, Harry, one must first…"
Harry raised his hands in defeat. "No more." He said. "Not right now. No more. I understand, you know? I do. I understand that I am Harry Potter … The-Boy-Who-Lived; Harry Potter … The-Boy-Who-Lived-Again; and now I am Harry Potter … The-Boy-Who-Saved-The-World-And-Still-Can't-Catch-A-Bloody-Break…that's who I am. Am I wallowing in self-pity, you wonder? Well hell yes, damn it. I am tired of living like this." He yelled. He raised his arms again and looked toward the heavens before his eyes rested on Dumbledore. "Bloody hell." Defeat now echoed in his voice. "My destiny has been fulfilled … I saved the world … now tell me when I'm supposed to catch my break. Can you tell me that?"
"Harry, please. You must not…"
Harry put up his hand to interrupt Dumbledore once more. "No. You can't tell me what I need to hear and I'm tired of listening to the crap I don't want to hear." He said. "Don't think I don't appreciate it, but I want to make this very clear: I - don't - give - a damn - about - Cho." He said slowly, deliberately. "Do you hear me? I don't give a damn about her. She's dead. Hopefully she's reunited with Diggory; though I could bloody well care less. All I want right now is Hermione…that's it. Nothing more. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?"
"No, Harry." Dumbledore said softly, shaking his head. "That is most definitely not too much to ask."
"I told you," Harry began as he raised his arms to indicate the room around him, "this is my make-believe world. Mine. And that makes me supreme ruler…the King." In his rant, Harry did not see the look of alarm that passed between Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey; who were now wondering if he had indeed, lost his mind. "…And right now the king doesn't want to hear it anymore." Harry continued. "Right now I, the King, want only to be left alone with Hermione, my…"
"Queen?" Hermione said imperiously from where she now sat up in her bed.
All three were startled at the sound of her voice; in the midst of their discussion, and her quiet slumber, they'd somehow managed to forget she was there. Harry jumped up and reached for her. "Hermione. Oh my…" He cried. "You had me so scared. I thought…" he breathed deeply, "I thought…" he dropped his head.
She reached for him and lifted his chin, forcing him to look at her. "I could never leave you, Harry." She said softly as their eyes met. She pulled him toward her as she leaned forward; capturing his lips in the longest, sweetest, most heart-stopping kiss Harry could have imagined.
He couldn't breathe. He didn't want to breathe. Breathing, he decided, was highly overrated. All he wanted to do was lose himself to the sensations she was creating within him. He became lightheaded as the pressure in his chest increased as his heart felt more and more like it was being squeezed in a vice. Nothing had ever felt so good…so right and so … wrong …wait a minute, he thought, wrong? Why does this feel wrong?
He pulled back suddenly and caught the faintest trace of an unfamiliar gleam in her eyes just before it faded and disappeared from view. He searched her face for any sign that she may be someone other than the one he'd silently pledged his heart to. Hermione? He wondered. Am I really looking at Hermione?
"What's wrong, Harry?" She said flirtatiously. "You're not scared to kiss me, are you?" She licked at her lips as she watched his mouth; she was eager to taste more of him.
Her hand still held his chin and he was not more than a couple of inches away from her. A huge … really huge … really, really, huge (even) … part of him wanted to kiss her again. That small part of him, the one he thought must actually reside somewhere in the vicinity of his toes, would not allow him to do it; he maintained eye contact with her as he backed away. "Who are you?" He asked. He reached up to touch his palm to her cheek as he continued to look at her questioningly; his eyes desperately searching her face as he did so. "Are you really my Hermione?"
"Of course I am, Harry." She laughed. "Who else would I be? Is there someone else you'd like me to be?" She asked playfully.
Harry looked confused when he answered. "No. Of course not. Why would you even say such a thing?" He said, suddenly disgusted by her behavior.
"I don't know." She said thoughtfully, dropping her hands and eyes to her blanket. "I thought perhaps you might like for me to be…oh…I don't know…" She looked him dead in his eyes and he saw the flash of anger that passed through them before she smiled. "Cho, maybe?" She said scathingly.
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They were so wrapped up in each other that neither of them heard Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey stand up and make their way out of the infirmary. Nearly to the door, Dumbledore took a backward glance at Hermione and his eyes seemed to pierce through her as though he were searching her mind for the truth of who, or what, might be in control. Satisfied he had the answer, he walked away, leaving Harry alone to discover the truth…
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A/N2: I want to thank everyone who mentioned the cliffhangers in their reviews. YAY! I don't have to stop. I really like them too, and it would have been hard to write without them…but I could have, I think.
I suppose I wasn't so concerned with the cliffhangers themselves as I was the use of too many of them. I don't want the story to become too predictable…it takes the fun out of it.
Well, thanks!
Take care. Happy 2005!
H_HrFan
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