A/N: At the risk of people getting irritated with me, a journal entry still did not fit in here. There is some interesting stuff happening though, so I hope you can overlook it. I keep saying they are coming…and they are…but as I said, I have to go with what I feel and for your sake, as well as mine, I can't/won't disrupt the flow just to add stuff in where it doesn't work. It wouldn't be fair to any of us. Sorry…
All I can do is ask for your patience and hope that what I'm writing is interesting enough to keep you coming back regardless.
Thanks again for your support.
****For some reason my review count is going up but I'm not receiving any reviews nor are they posting to the review page. Also, my feedback is not showing up on the review page so I can't tell whether or not reviewers are getting my comments.**** If there is a message you'd like to be sure I get (scream at me, whatever J) please send it to my email if you have the time. H_HrFan@yahoo.com. Thanks. I really, really, really hope they get that page working right pretty soon!
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Mixed Emotions
Reluctantly Hermione pulled away. Everything about him was intoxicating and it would be so easy to lose herself in the feel of his lips on hers or the touch of his fingers as they drew lazy circles near the base of her spine. She closed her eyes and moved forward to rest her forehead against his as she struggled to bring her rapidly beating heart under control.
"I love you, Harry." She whispered breathlessly as she looked into his still darkened eyes. She lowered her lips to his and kissed him twice before lowering her head to his chest where she listened to the rapid beating of his heart as it kept time with her own.
He moved his hand to run his fingers through her hair. "I love you too, Hermione." He answered huskily, his voice full of nearly uncontrollable desire.
As they lay there in silence he felt the tension in his body slowly begin to release its hold and he pulled her closer. The now steadying rhythm of his heartbeat began to lull her to sleep and she closed her eyes, safe in the comfort of his arms. He felt the change in her breathing as she gave herself over to sleep. Knowing she was safe, he kissed her head and closed his eyes and felt himself succumb to the welcome darkness.
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Hermione woke several hours later still wrapped securely, safely in Harry's arms. She was awakened by the smell of food that seemed to permeate the air. She hadn't eaten in a long time and she was famished. She stretched slowly, trying to get Harry to shift just enough so she could get up without waking him. He rolled slightly away from her and the arm that encircled her moved until his hand rested on his chest. Thank goodness, she thought gratefully when she was sure he hadn't woken.
She sat up in the bed and was startled to see Dobby placing a basket of food on Harry's chair.
Dobby jumped when he saw her watching him. He looked at Harry before he spoke in a hoarse whisper, "Dobby is sorry Miss Hermione. Dobby did not mean to be so noisy." He said apologetically.
Hermione smiled at him and whispered back, "its okay, Dobby. I thought I was having a dream about food. That smells wonderful and I'm starving, your timing couldn't be more perfect."
Dobby's smile stretched from ear to ear. "Thanks you, Miss Hermione. Dobby is most happy to brings food. Madm Pomfrey says to Dobby this is good for Miss."
"Thank you, Dobby. I'm sure Harry will appreciate it when he wakes up as well." She said thoughtfully. "Unless of course I eat it all while he's sleeping." She added with a wink.
Dobby continued to smile back at her. He liked Miss Hermione. She was good for Harry Potter. "Theres is lots of food Miss Hermione but now Dobby wonders if he should bring more."
Hermione laughed. Knowing Dobby there was enough food in there for her, Harry, and a couple of Rons. "No, Dobby, no, it's okay, I'm sure there's plenty of food in there, its fine." She said, waving her hand at him. "I was just teasing you, there's no way I could eat all that."
Dobby released a heavy sigh. "Thanks you Miss. Dobby will go now so he does not wake up Harry Potter."
"Okay, Dobby. Thanks for the food." She said, still smiling at him. He turned to walk away and she called out, "Oh, and Dobby?"
He turned back to look at her, his eyes wide, "Yes, Miss?"
"It's really great to see you."
Dobby's shoulders visibly relaxed and he smiled once again. "It is great for Dobby to see Miss Hermione." He replied happily, and then he turned and ran to the infirmary door before he apparated back to the kitchen.
She checked on Harry to be sure they hadn't wakened him. She decided that he needed sleep more than he needed food so she let him be while she got up and invaded the basket Dobby brought. She moved the basket to the floor and took out what she wanted before she looked around the infirmary for something to do while she ate. As she glanced around, a corner of the journal caught her eye and she went to pick it up. Remembering her promise to Harry, she resolved to read only the entries they'd already read. Maybe she could find clues in there as to what happened or what they might need to know in order to be free of the curse they seemed to be under.
After retrieving the journal she sat down in Harry's chair and began to read while she ate. Not finding anything particularly unusual in the first two entries, she set her plate aside and began to re-read the entry about Trelawney. Everything had been so crazy when they'd read the entry earlier that they hadn't really had time to absorb what was written.
As she read, feelings of sadness and anxiety began invading her. They were not the feelings of anger and hate and jealousy that she had come to associate with Cho, but these emotions were not her own; they overwhelmed her and she lost all conscious thought. "She was sorry." She said softly. "She was truly sorry for this."
"Who was sorry?" Harry asked groggily as he tried to shake the haze of sleep from his head. He looked dazedly at Hermione and tried to focus on what she was saying. She appeared to be in some sort of trance, a mix of sorrow and bewilderment on her face. He quickly recovered from his stupor and got up to check on her. When he leaned down to touch her he saw the journal in her hands. He reached out to gently shake her; he would have shaken her harder had he not had the sense of mind to notice the journal was open to an entry they'd already read. "Hermione?" He called out to her, "Hermione, are you all right?"
When she looked up at him her expression didn't change, "She was." She said, pointing to the journal. "Cho. She was sorry." Her answer surprised him, as he felt sure she hadn't heard the question. He watched as tears began to well up in her eyes.
Harry began to shake her harder. "Hermione!" He yelled.
Finally she shook her head. She saw that he was sitting up in the bed and she smiled, "Harry, you're awake. How long have you been awake?" She asked as though nothing had happened. When he didn't answer she looked up to find him looking at her with deep concern.
"What's wrong, Harry? Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked worriedly. "Did you have another bad dream?"
He shook his head slowly as his concern for her deepened, "no" he answered, he himself bewildered now by her sudden change in behavior.
"Then what's wrong? What's happened?" She asked anxiously.
"Hermione," he said cautiously, watching her carefully, "where were you just now? I mean…what were you doing?"
Hermione looked at him curiously, "I've been right here, Harry. I was just reading this journal entry we read earlier. I was hoping to find something in it that we might have missed. Why do you ask?"
Not wanting her to worry any further he forced himself to appear relaxed before he spoke, "Nothing. It's nothing." He looked at the floor and saw the basket Dobby had brought for them. "What's that?" He asked, grateful for a change of subject.
"Oh, Dobby brought us some food." She answered. "Sorry I didn't wait for you, I was starving and I thought you'd probably prefer to sleep so I didn't wake you up."
He smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks, I think sleep is what I needed more, but now I'm starving." He said as he jumped off the bed and immediately began invading the basket. "Did you save anything good for me?" He joked. He knew that if the basket had been delivered by Dobby, then it definitely contained enough for a small army…or a couple of Rons; which meant there was plenty of food for him and Hermione.
He dished up what he wanted and sat back on his bed to eat. He looked at Hermione as she concentrated on the journal entry. It scared him to death to see her with that journal but at this point, if that journal would help them to discover a way to rid her of Cho, then he'd just have to face that fear. "Have you found anything in there?" He asked conversationally; he didn't really expect her to find anything. Cho had admitted to killing Trelawney and he didn't think there could be much else.
She looked up at him and nodded.
He dropped his food back onto the plate and jumped off the bed to kneel next to her so he could see the book. "What is it, Hermione?" He asked anxiously.
"I'm just wondering about some things. She says in here that Professor Trelawney told her that 'the two shall find' her and 'they know the truth'. You don't suppose that's Draco and Millicent, do you? Do you think they knew it was Cho beforehand?"
He thought about his conversation with Dumbledore and what he'd seen in the pensieve and he shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so. Dumbledore showed me Professor Trelawney in his pensieve and she didn't know about Cho then."
She looked at him questioningly, "What do you mean he showed you in his pensieve? He talked to Trelawney about this and he showed you the memory?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, he told me that Trelawney had a vision of some sort and that she went to him with a warning. It was something like; beware of the one whose heart is filled with jealousy and hate. Two will defy their families and sacrifice everything to protect the one the dark lord seeks. That's not exact, but it's close." He said. "I forgot about it. When Dumbledore asked if there was any more or if she knew who was involved she told him no. She was pretty upset but I don't think she would've lied about it, I mean, what would be the point, right?"
"Yeah, Harry," she said softly, "what would be the point?"
"I think she was just trying scare her." He said.
"What?" She said as she tried to focus her attention more on the conversation. "Who tried to scare who?"
"Trelawney." He said as though it were obvious. "I think Trelawney was just trying scare Cho. She knew her own vision so she knew two people were going to do something, I think she was just trying to scare her into thinking someone was on to her, maybe hoping she wouldn't go through with her plan or something."
She nodded. "Yeah, I bet you're right," she said, still lost in thought, "but I wonder how Draco and Millicent came to be there that night if they didn't already know what was going on."
He looked up at her and shook his head, "I think there are just some truths we'll never know."
She nodded. "I guess you're right." She said softly.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, each caught up in their own thoughts of the people and events that had recently shaped their world. Neither could believe that something so outrageous could be happening to the two of them. Weren't they just ordinary kids who wanted nothing more than a long, loving life together? They weren't now, but would they be? Would they ever get their chance to be?
Harry broke the silence, "Is that it, is there anything else you were wondering about?"
Hermione nodded her head, "I can't help wondering why, number one," she said, counting on her fingers, "Cho poisoned her when she says she didn't mean to, and number two, why Trelawney took the cup. It doesn't make any sense."
"I don't know, you're the smart one here, remember? It's your turn to figure it out." He said with a smile as he reached for more food.
"Nice, Harry, thanks." She quipped. She gave him a sidelong glance and a smirk before she returned to the journal. "I suppose…" she said as she began to read the entry again, "she must have thought she didn't have a choice. Like maybe she had to do it before Trelawney could actually tell anyone about her. Maybe she panicked." Hermione was nodding her head, "That's gotta be it. I bet Trelawney didn't know it was her until she saw her standing there and when she called her a betrayer, Cho must have figured she had no choice but to kill her."
"Yeah," He chimed in, "and when Trelawney realized her mistake she told her that 'the two' knew the truth. That way Cho would think there were others out there who knew about her."
"But what about the cup? Why would Trelawney take the cup from her if she didn't trust her? In my dream she was quite ordinary, intelligent even, I don't th…"
Harry interrupted her. "This wasn't your dream Hermione, this was the Trelawney we've known since third year. If she was upset, she probably would've taken it without thinking. She can be a little out there, you know?"
"Oh. Right." She replied. "I feel sorry for her, she didn't deserve that. She didn't even do anything to her. I don't understand how Cho can justify all this stuff." She looked down at him, "I don't know how she thinks it's all right to blame it all on you. I hope she's burning in hell right now, Harry." She said hastily, "I really do."
"You know, Hermione," Harry said guardedly, "earlier, when I woke up you were…" he paused to choose his words carefully, "you, um…"
"What Harry? What is it?" She asked as the sudden change in him began making her nervous. "You're scaring me."
He took a deep breath. "I don't know Hermione, you just weren't yourself. You were just sitting there, you had this look, like you were confused or something, and you kept saying 'she was sorry'."
"I was…I did…what?" She asked incredulously.
"You were saying she was sorry. When I asked you who was sorry…" he watched her closely as he spoke, "you said, 'Cho'.
Hermione was shaking her head, "No. You must have misunderstood. How could I have…how could I not remember that, Harry?" She cried. "How could I not know?" Her demeanor frightened him as she began to get more and more agitated. "Was I angry?" She asked, her voice suddenly sounding hopeful.
He put his hand on her knee and tried to catch her eyes, "Look at me, Hermione." He pleaded. When she finally looked down at him he saw the tears in her eyes, "No, Hermione, you weren't angry. You looked…sad. But hey, come on," he reached up to caress her cheek, "I told you we'll get through this, didn't I? Everything will be fine. You'll see. We just have to…"
"But you don't understand," she said as she fought the tears that threatened to fall, "this is different."
"You're right, I don't understand," he said softly as he continued to caress her cheek, "tell me how is this different."
She closed her eyes and choked back a sob, "It's different because it's mine, Harry. Sadness is my emotion not hers. She has anger, jealousy, and hate…not sadness. She has all those things that make up someone other than me. She has the emotions that make you realize it's not really me trying to hurt you; it's how you know, Harry, it's how you can tell. I may not be able to control the things I say when her emotions surface, but at least I can feel when it's happening. I don't remember anything this time…I didn't feel it. How can I fight it if I don't know it's happening?"
Harry got to his feet and pulled her up. "Come here, Love." He said as he sat down in the chair and pulled her gently into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head on his shoulders. He held her tightly around the waist and began to rock her back and forth. "Somehow, Hermione, some way, I promise you we'll get through this."
"I'm scared, Harry." She whispered.
"So am I, Love. So am I."
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He held her that way for a long time, well beyond the point of aching legs and numb limbs. He held her until he had gone full-circle through the pain and discomfort. She had long since fallen asleep and still he found himself unable to let go. He was frightened for her. He could not recall a single time in his life when he was more frightened then he was at this moment. What did it mean to them…to her…if Cho's emotions somehow spilled over into her own? How long could Hermione survive if she's battling not only emotions foreign to her, but her own emotions which now seemed to be betraying her as well?
He slowly rose from the chair so he could lay her down in the bed. He lay down beside her and pulled her to him. He was exhausted and eager for sleep to take him once more…
This time his dream had taken him to a graveyard. As he looked around he felt a certain familiarity, as though he'd been there before. He began to walk around, weaving in and out of the headstones; the names of the deceased too old and faded to read. I've been here before, he thought. Why is this so familiar?
The fog in his brain was beginning to clear when suddenly the white light of his previous dream reappeared, "The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again."
"What does that mean?" Harry questioned, though he expected no response.
"Listen and remember your dreams, Harry. Your dreams are the portal to finding the answers."
"Professor Dumbledore?" Harry asked in wonder. Hadn't Dumbledore said something almost exactly like that before he walked out of the infirmary, he wondered.
"Where am I?"
"Remember…"
With one final word the light vanished and Harry awoke to find that he was lying in the bed next to Hermione.
This time he wasn't scared. The dream had not frightened him nor had it brought him comfort or understanding. "A graveyard. Why a graveyard?" He said aloud. Suddenly he remembered. It was so obvious that he wanted to kick himself for failing to recognize it immediately.
He began to shake Hermione. "Hermione?" He called out to her, "Hermione, wake up."
"Hmm?" She said sleepily. "Harry?"
"Hermione wake up, I need your help." He said anxiously.
Upon hearing his words she immediately turned to face him, her eyes were clear and there was no sign that he had awakened her so abruptly. "What is it, Harry? What's wrong?"
"I need you to tell me something…I need you to tell me the place where Tom Riddle's father was buried…"
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A/N2: I'll give you a hint into the understanding of this chapter…if you pay attention, you may be able to piece together at least a small part of where this is going!