A/N: This gives you an indication of what's in the journal…there are still a few more entries to discover. The timeframe is 3 years, the end of Harry's fourth to the end of his seventh…there will be a lot of time missing in the story because this isn't ALL about the journal. From this point it will only be entries that matter… I hope I haven't left any major errors…I'm exhausted, but I'll be gone for the weekend so I'd like to concentrate on a new chapter for tomorrow since I probably won't update all weekend. Thanks again for all your support. As I said in my feedback to a recent review, this is my very first foray into anything like this so your reviews really do mean a lot to me and I appreciate the time you take to leave them.
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A Journey Through a Journal
"What?" Hermione asked in confusion, "Wait a minute, how would I…you need me to tell you what?"
Frustrated, Harry jumped off the bed and began to pace back and forth, as he muttered to himself, "where was it? Damn it, where the hell was it?" over and over as he racked his brain trying to remember the name of the town.
"Harry!" She yelled at him.
Startled, he turned abruptly to face her and looked at her as though surprised to see her there, "What?"
"What are you doing? Stop pacing and tell me what's going on, why do you need to know where Tom Riddle's father was buried?"
He looked at her as though the answer were obvious, "I had another dream, Hermione, only this time it took me to the graveyard where Voldemort was waiting for me during the Tri-Wizard tournament, and his father was buried there. It's where he made his 'triumphant return' and where…"
They looked sharply at each other as the realization hit them at the same time, "…Cedric was killed."
"But how do…I mean why…what's going on Harry? What kind of dream? What happened?" She stammered as she fought to get her racing thoughts under control.
"Remember I was telling you about my last dream when I saw Malfoy, Millicent, and Cho?"
She nodded, "yeah."
"Well, I was on a battlefield and there were bodies everywhere, I looked around and all I wanted to do was cry, there were so many people and the battle had been so pointless. Then all of a sudden I was being pulled forward to the clearing where I saw the bodies of Draco, Millicent and Cho. Then the strangest thing happened…" he paused as he tried to remember exactly, the words that had emanated from the light.
Hermione began to get restless as she watched him concentrate. Man I wish I could loan him my memory sometimes, she thought in frustration, at least it wouldn't take him so long to remember everything!
Harry's eyes were faraway, lost in the world of his dreams, "…there was a light. I don't know where it came from or what it was but it said something like, "The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again." He looked at her as though she held the answers to all of life's questions and it broke her heart to know she couldn't help him this time.
"I don't get it." She said shaking her head. "The one who suffers the most must free the one who cannot find its way? What does that even mean? Is someone stuck somewhere and you have to set them free?"
Harry shrugged. "I don't know, but that's not everything. In this dream, the one just now, I was at the graveyard and I saw the same light and it said the same thing only this time…" he looked at her, eager to see her reaction, "this time it also said, "Listen and remember your dreams, Harry. Your dreams are the portal to finding the answers.""
She looked at him in shock as she shook her head, "Wait a minute, didn't Professor Dumbledore say something like that before he walked out of here earlier?"
"That's the same thing I thought when I heard it," He said.
"Well you don't suppose…" she shook here head again, "nah, never mind," She said as she waved her hand as if to strike out whatever she'd been thinking.
"I don't know." He replied in response to her unasked question. "I don't think so. I called out his name in my dream but no one answered. It didn't seem like him though, it just seemed…different. But I didn't recognize the voice so I guess I can't say for sure."
"But Harry, Dumbledore was just here, he can't actually get into your dreams, can he? I mean, he can do a lot of things but dream walking? That seems a little out there, even for him, don't you think?" She asked incredulously.
Harry shrugged, "If anyone could do it Hermione…"
She shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head in agreement.
"So what's next?" She asked. "I don't know where Tom Riddle's father was buried. I don't recall ever seeing anything. I suppose we could go to the library and check old papers or something. Wasn't that almost sixty years ago though?"
Harry nodded, "Yeah, I guess so. It was about fifty years when I went into the chamber and that was five years ago, so yeah, fifty-five, sixty years, somewhere in there. Do the papers in the library go back that far?" He asked, sure that if anyone would know, it would be his Hermione.
"I'm sure they do Harry but that's a lot of searching. Maybe it'd just be quicker if we asked Dumbledore," She answered.
Harry shook his head, "Not yet. I don't want to ask him anything unless we have to. I really want us to figure this out on our own if we can. I know he's counting on that."
"Well, Cedric's death would be more recent, we could look that up in the library. It should say the name of the town in one of the articles about him, don't you think?"
Harry's eyes lit up as another idea began to form. "Hermione, check the journal. Maybe Cho has it in there somewhere. Maybe she's been there or something. If we don't find anything in there then we'll go either to the library or to Dumbledore."
Hermione suddenly looked nervous as she looked from Harry to the journal. "Are you sure, Harry? Are you sure you want me to read it?"
Harry nodded, "what choice do we have? You know how much I hate the library." He laughed, "No, seriously, if we can find it this way it'll save us a lot of time." He grabbed her hand and caught her eyes before he spoke again, "it's okay, Hermione, whatever happens, it'll be all right. Just do what you have to do so we can find the answers, okay? Don't be scared, I'm right here."
"I'm more worried about you Harry," She said with a look of deep concern. "What if I say something to hurt you? I don't want to do that."
He smiled and kissed her tenderly, "Don't worry, Hermione," he said softly, "you won't."
She lowered her head and shook it slowly from side to side; still not convinced that it was a good idea.
He put his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him, "I'll be all right," he said with as much conviction as he could muster, "I promise."
Hermione nodded and reluctantly reached for the journal. The moment she held it in her hand something within her changed and she smiled, eager to begin reading aloud…
Harry noticed the change as he watched her and silently he prayed that his Hermione, the one he loved with all his heart, would somehow manage to tame the demons that Cho had released within her.
Journal Entry
I've spent all summer thinking about a way to get to Harry. The only way I can think of is his 'darling' Hermione Granger. There's no one else that means as much to him as she does so there's no one he'll be more devastated to lose.
I think the only way to begin is for me to call him on his so-called feelings for me. I think I'll start by encouraging him without 'really' encouraging him, a few smiles, some well-timed laughter, all that crap that boys seems to like in pretty little girls like me. Then, once I have him where I want him, I'll start to talk about his precious Hermione and how unfair it is to me that he spends so much time with her. I'll compare myself to her in subtle ways and make snide comments about how she's more important to him than I am….the more I say, the closer he'll get to understanding his feeling for her…and the more he understands his feelings, the more he'll realize just exactly how much he stands to lose.
He's already right on the edge; all he needs is a little push…and I, for one, can't wait to watch him fall!
If I'm lucky I'll get a little information from him too. Maybe I can get him to talk about my Cedric; to tell me what really happened. I know it'll be hard for me, but there's so much I want to know … I need him to tell me if Cedric mentioned me before he died.
Oh Cedric, I know you would have if you'd had the chance. One day soon I'll know for sure….
Oh, Harry, by the time I'm done, you might think you'd fancied me, but the seeds will be planted and you'll realize that it's her you can't live without. And as soon as you do, that's when I'll make my move. Someday soon Harry Potter you will know first hand what it feels like to be without the one you love.
Someday soon you'll regret the day you killed my Cedric.
Sometime during her reading of the entry Harry had moved to sit on his chair. He now stared, transfixed at the wall behind her. Hearing Cho's words in Hermione's voice was like a knife to his heart and he couldn't bear to watch and listen simultaneously. He'd ventured a glance at her once and the gleam in her eyes was enough for him to know that he'd already lost her for now.
He'd resigned himself to the fact that there would be moments like this, moments when her words or expressions, though not her own, would cut through him like a hot knife through butter. Thankfully now, his head and his heart were in agreement and her words carried much less impact than they had before. As he listened to her read, a soothing voice reminded him over and over that the woman he loves is not always the woman he sees and hears…but that soon, very soon, they would find the answers and she would be her own again.
They were in a fight for her life and wasting precious time arguing or getting angry with her was not something he cared to do at the moment; especially when he knew that Cho's emotions would likely return with the next entry. They were always at their worst when Hermione held the journal in her hands. Right now the importance of what they might find in the journal far outweighed anything she might say or do to him.
"How did you like that?" She asked with a salacious grin.
"It was all right," He answered flatly; his calm outward appearance belying his inner turmoil.
"It was all right." She mimicked. "Did you like that plan? Pretty smart, wasn't it? You didn't have a clue what was happening, did you?
"Kind of a stupid plan, really, if you think about it." He said as he raised his hand and pretended to concentrate on a nonexistent hangnail.
"What do you mean 'a stupid plan'?"
"Well, it didn't work now, did it?" He stated matter-of-factly. "It didn't make me realize any feelings; no great epiphanies or anything. I genuinely thought I fancied Cho and I didn't think about anyone else meaning any more to me during that time."
"But don't you feel used? Or upset?" She scowled. "Don't you feel anything?"
"Not really." He lied. In truth, he'd been hurt by the words in the journal. He'd genuinely thought she liked him and there were times when they were together that he'd actually felt happy. It wasn't a feeling he was used to and even though it hadn't worked out, he'd always liked the fact that he could associate a little of that with her.
She narrowed her eyes and scrutinized him, trying to determine if he was really telling her the truth. "Why not?" She asked derisively.
He dropped his hand to his lap and looked at her. "Because none of it matters anymore," he said matter-of-factly, "I know now that I love you, Hermione, and nothing in that book is going to change that."
He watched as her expression changed in a short-lived battle for control. A genuine smile lit her face before she spoke, "Thank you, Harry," Hermione said softly, "I love you, too."
Harry smiled at her but he refused to get his hopes up about her really being with him for long. He didn't know how dangerous it might be to her psyche if she continued to fight for fleeting moments of control. He made a silent vow to face whatever came so they could get through the journal; he would not pressure her now to fight it. They would do that together when the time was right. He was confident in their love and there was never anyone he'd trusted more, and he knew she felt the same; he knew she would understand why now he didn't fight.
"What's next Hermione?" He asked abruptly in a change subject.
She looked at him in surprise, hurt reflected briefly in her eyes but he offered only a gentle smile.
She looked from him to the journal and almost instantly she was gone again as she eagerly turned the page.
Journal Entry
I got on the train to Hogwarts today with every intention of putting my plan into action. I sought out Harry and found him in a car with Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom and some girl I didn't recognize, though I think she's in Ravenclaw too. They were all covered in some kind of smelly green stuff, stinksap or something. Harry had it all over his face and glasses, I could swear I even saw him spit some out of his mouth just as I opened the door. I'm sure that Neville probably had something to do with it, he had some kind of plant in his lap. It wasn't exactly the best moment for Harry, but it was quite memorable for me. I can't believe how stupid he looked, if it hadn't smelled so bad, I might have stayed just so I could see how uncomfortable he'd get! And they say he's the only hope for the future of the wizarding world? Boy, are we in trouble!
I did notice that for once he didn't have Ron and Hermione on either side of him…I wonder where the loyal sidekicks disappeared to.
I may not have stayed long, but I could tell by the look on his face that he certainly got my message…this could be more fun than I originally thought!
Harry sighed louder than he'd intended when Hermione finished reading the entry. He was remembering that train ride and how mortified he'd been when Cho found him covered in the stinksap from Neville's mimbulus mimbletonia. That experience had been horrifying; not only had the only girl he'd ever fancied actually seen him covered in it, the stinksap had smelled rancid and it had been everywhere. Thankfully Ginny had the presence of mind to scourgify it before anyone else could walk in.
He'd really wanted to impress Cho and it had bothered him to know she hadn't found him sitting in a car with a bunch of cool people, just hanging out and telling jokes. Now he realized that it never really mattered anyway. Not only had he not fancied her nearly as much as his mind thought he did, but it had all been a setup.
"Does that bother you, Harry?" She asked with a smirk.
Harry continued to maintain an outward calm though inside his mind was reeling as more and more he understood just how much Cho hated him and how all their time together had been nothing more than some sick game. "Nope. Not really. Do you think it should?" He asked looking up her with an expression devoid of any emotion. He could see in Hermione's eyes that she was fighting successfully to keep Cho's emotions from taking too much control, but she was still unable to rein them in completely as through her they continued to search for a way to hurt him.
"It doesn't bother you to hear that she thought you looked stupid or that you were being sought out merely as a plaything in some sick, twisted game?" She asked in frustration. The harder he fought to maintain his lackadaisical attitude, the stronger the unwelcome emotions became. Now, Hermione was beginning to lose her fight as the attempts at getting under his skin continued to fail and she found herself becoming more and more aggravated.
"No," he said with more conviction then he was feeling. "Can we get on with this, please? I'm tired of all the questions and we have work to do here."
She shot him a look that said, 'we're not finished with this, not by a long shot' then she turned the page and began to read the next entry…
Journal Entry
Sometimes that Ronald Weasley can be a blessing in disguise. I went to talk to Harry today and Ron and Hermione were with him. Harry asked me about my summer and I could see by the look in eyes that his question brought memories of my Cedric to him, just as they did to me. For that I wanted to get him alone to see if he'd talk about him.
But instead, Ron happened. He actually got on me for wearing a Tornadoes pin! I couldn't believe it! He started drilling me about whether or not I was a real fan. Harry looked upset and Hermione looked like she was going to give him an earful. Now that's something I wouldn't mind overhearing. Thanks to Ron though, it sounds like I'm one up on the sympathy factor! It's just a matter of time before I have Harry right where I want him.
Soon, Harry, very soon…
Harry remembered thinking how happy he'd been that Cho had sought him out for a second time; how he thought she could have been bitter and could have easily, rightfully hated him and blamed him for Cedric's death, much as he himself had. She had been Cedric's girlfriend after all, and he'd been so sure she would never want to speak to him again. Instead, she'd been friendly and he believed in that moment that everything would be all right and that maybe, just maybe, there was hope for them…now he was learning quickly just how wrong he'd been and it was killing him to know that she could hate him this much.
She sat on the bed and stared at him with scrutiny. She was looking for the slightest trace of having gotten to him. The last entry hadn't said much, but every one she read was just one more twist of the blade and she felt an uncontrollable excitement as she pictured her hand slowly turning the knife.
"What about now, Harry? Do you feel it yet?" She asked callously. "How many more do I have to read before you finally understand? How many more before that façade you wear cracks?"
He looked up as she began to laugh; a strange, eerie laugh that sent chills down the length of his spine.
Seemingly unconcerned, he smiled at her and her laughter stopped abruptly as she glared at him. "Why are you smiling? You're not supposed to be smiling!" She said angrily. She narrowed her eyes and studied him once again, "Harry Potter doesn't have this kind of control over his emotions. What's happened to you?"
Harry sighed. "A lot has happened, Hermione," he said with strong emphasis on her name, reminding her that regardless of what she was saying or feeling, he knew that the real Hermione was there, "not the least of which is this: I don't care what Cho did or how she felt or anything else. I've carried the guilt of Cedric's death with me for years and hearing about it now doesn't change the fact that I've always known it was my fault it happened. All of this is a waste." His frustration was beginning to show and he watched as the smile returned to her face.
Her voice was sickly-sweet and her lips were drawn up into a pout when she asked, "Are you saying I shouldn't continue?"
"No. I think you should but can you please just skip the rest of the crap and look for something about a visit to the place Cedric died? Look for an entry made after she graduated. She probably would have visited sometime after that." He said flippantly.
"But don't you want to hear about the kiss?" She said in that same sickly-sweet voice, "You do remember the kiss don't you? Don't you want to know what she thought about it?"
Harry laughed, "No, I don't think so. I know what I thought of it and believe you me; one opinion on that kiss is more than anyone needs. Just try to find what we're looking for." He said; waving off any further attempt she might make to get him to listen to something else.
Her smug expression made him smile; that expression definitely belonged to his Hermione. He'd said the right thing and now he knew that somewhere in there, just under the surface, his Hermione continued to fight. Despite the amount of time Cho's emotions seemed to have been in control, watching her now filled him with hope and affirmed for him that soon, very soon, she would be all right.
She began to flip through the pages with rapid-fire speed as though she knew exactly the entry she was looking for. When it appeared she had reached the page, her eyes grew wide and instantly she shut the book, unwilling to share with him the knowledge he sought.
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More to come…
I hope you enjoyed it.