Sometimes it Takes More Than Love
Please wake up. Come back to me. I love you. Can you hear me? Please…please wake up. I'm begging you, please come back to me. The thoughts were like a mantra running through his head as he held tightly to her hand…just as he had since he'd woken twelve days earlier only to be told she was still sleeping; she hadn't woken yet…
It had been two weeks since Tom Riddle's defeat…fourteen days. School had ended just days earlier and with Voldemort no longer a threat there was no reason for Harry to return to Privet Drive. Instead, he was one of only two students who remained at Hogwarts; the only one who'd done it voluntarily. His steadfast refusal to leave left some questioning his sanity while others cried silent tears as they watched him suffer yet again in the name of love.
Hermione; beautiful, gregarious, lovely Hermione. Although she was unaware of it she was the reason he chose to stay. For reasons yet unknown, she had not regained consciousness since her head injury during the battle with Voldemort. Madam Pomfrey had done all that she could for her and specialists had been brought in to determine why, after all this time, she still had not awakened; no one had an answer. The only thing they seemed to agree on was that she had slipped into a coma. Funny thing about comas, some people wake from them showing no signs of having been through a trauma, others have brain damage and have to learn even the simplest of skills over again, and still others, well…still others didn't make it all. He'd been told there were no guarantees for her that for now it was just a matter of waiting…and so he waited. He would wait as long as he had to. He wanted his to be the first face she saw when she woke up and he wanted to deliver her the message that he'd been carrying around in his heart since the moment he discovered he'd fallen in love with her.
What should have been a time for celebration became a time of quiet reflection for Harry. He hadn't joined in the parties that had been a constant throughout the remaining days of school. He'd attended the graduation ceremony only because Professor McGonagall had told him he had no choice. He found no joy in any of those things…not without her beside him as she'd been for the past seven years. Instead, he wanted nothing more than to sit in what had quickly become known as `his seat' so he could watch her. No one, not even Ron, dared violate the space he'd created for himself; not out of fear so much as respect. Harry was on another mission and while some had difficulty understanding it, most simply accepted it and offered him silent encouragement.
The solitude the school provided him now was the one thing Harry enjoyed the most about his decision to stay. He needed this time. It was the reason he had been so insistent that Ron leave with the rest of the students. He much preferred to sit and contemplate the future he knew he'd one day have with the woman he'd only recently discovered he loved…as if just by thinking of her, by concentrating solely on her, he could bring her back from wherever her mind had taken her.
Harry had steadfastly refused to allow them to move her from Hogwarts to St. Mungo's. Although Hermione was unaware of the happenings around her, he knew that there would never be a moment's peace if she were moved to such a public place. No, Hogwarts was the best place for her and he would be with her until she woke up…at which time he feared she would tell him this was his fault and would ask him to leave. He hoped beyond hope that it wouldn't come to that but if it did he had already decided that he would do so quietly…for a while. He had no intention of letting her go for long.
Harry kept in daily contact with Hermione's parents. Together they decided that, as difficult as it was, they would not yet try to see her. Their house was being watched in anticipation of Hermione returning home and her parents were followed every time they left their house. After witnessing first hand the madness that surrounded them, they agreed that Hogwarts was the safest place for their beloved daughter. Harry promised that if things took a turn he would contact them immediately and special arrangements would be made so they could see her. Thankfully, he hadn't needed to do that…yet.
Now that the war was over people everywhere wanted to get close to the `heroes'. They wanted to hear firsthand accounts of how the battle was fought and won. Of course they'd heard the inaccurate eyewitness accounts…so called witnesses claiming such nonsense as, "I saw that Harry Potter shooting lasers from his eyes right at that…that…Voldy-what's-it guy." One even claimed to have heard Voldemort scream; "I'm melting"…much like the wicked witch in the Muggle movie Wizard of Oz. As ridiculous as the stories were, Harry and Ron had decided that the only way they would tell the true story was if they did it together…all of them. That meant they had to wait for Hermione to wake up because this was her story too. If she didn't wake up then the true story would die with them because Harry and Ron had no intention of speaking without her. They did however take into account that if the papers began making inaccurate, hurtful claims regarding Hermione they would, of course, set those straight…as well as the witch or wizard responsible for it. There would be no blasphemy against the very one that was most responsible for keeping them alive over the years.
Quite out of character for him, Ron had already begun the rough draft of the statement they would first release to The Quibbler when Hermione awoke…and only after she proofread it, of course. In their hearts they knew that it was not a matter of `if' she would awaken it was more a matter of `when'…they couldn't fathom any other alternative.
Hermione's condition was no secret. Too many people had witnessed her fall…too many heard the resounding crack as her head made contact with the ground. Aside from Voldemort and his minions actually being defeated, those were the only facts the papers seemed to get right. He'd lost track of the number of letters he'd received asking for pictures of Hermione for publication as well requests for intimate details of the lives of `The Trio' as well. They wanted to know everything…were any of them involved, how well did they know each other…on and on it went. They wanted anything they could get, and Harry wasn't giving.
They'd taken to calling Hermione, `The Fallen Heroine' and while they didn't have many actual facts, they somehow found enough information to keep writing about her. While most of the information was menial, amazingly enough there weren't any blatant lies or untruths that set Hermione in a bad light. Between the wasted space in the papers and the letters he received, Harry was amazed at how much wasted parchment there was in only two weeks time!
He never wanted any part of the fame or notoriety that had always been a part of who he is. He always felt that was for people who earned it. The only thing he had done was somehow manage to survive when Voldemort didn't. Risking the lives of the people he loved most in the world in the process…now that, he thought, did not a hero make. In the Muggle world there were real heroes…firemen, policemen, and soldiers were just a few examples. Those people voluntarily risked their lives everyday. All Harry had ever done was long to be someone else so he wouldn't have to shoulder his burden. He never welcomed the destiny that had been chosen for him…he accepted it…but never once did he welcome it. In the wizarding world there were of course aurors, medi-wizards, and Dumbledore. There was very little he'd done that wasn't helped along by someone else. Nope, he thought, definitely not a hero.
Personally, for Harry there were only two heroes that mattered. First was his mother; if not for her love for him and her sacrifice it would have been impossible for him to do the things he'd done. Second was Hermione; no one had ever stood by him and encouraged him and believed in him as much as she had. She willingly risked her life for him on numerous occasions and there was no one that he respected and cherished more than her. Ron had risked his life and been there for him as well, but there had always been an underlying jealousy with Ron that made him doubt Harry's honesty more than Hermione ever had. That didn't make him any less a hero; it just didn't put him up as high on the pedestal as he put Hermione; which made it even harder to see her lying there motionless and unresponsive.
Harry could not help feeling guilty about the speed with which he recovered. Of course, he hadn't suffered any real trauma; he'd only exhausted himself. It had taken two solid days of sleep for him to recharge his body and begin to function again.
``Flashback``
Harry blinked rapidly trying to focus on his surroundings. Where am I? He wondered as he slowly tried to sit up.
"Harry!" He heard Ron exclaim. "You're awake! We've been worried about you, mate. You've been out a long time."
"Ron? Wha…what happened?" Harry asked, still trying see through the haze that enveloped him. Although vaguely aware of his surroundings now, he'd been in the infirmary often enough that he instinctively reached toward the table on his right to retrieve his glasses.
"You mean you don't remember?" Ron asked, suddenly worried that Harry's condition was worse then they'd originally thought.
Harry put his hand up and slowly tried to get his bearings. "Hang on Ron. Let me think." He said, a look of deep concentration on his face. After a few moments he said, "Well…I remember seeing Voldemort and a bright light followed by screaming and then…and then…oh my God Ron, HERMIONE!" He was suddenly awake and his voice shook with concern as he rapidly fired questions at Ron, "How is she? Is she all right? Was she hurt badly? Why isn't she here? Where is she? What happened to her? Ron?" The questions were pouring out of him so fast that he'd forgotten to breathe and he was now having trouble regaining control. He thought he might hyperventilate. He mentally forced himself to take a couple of slow, deep breaths before he looked at Ron. He didn't like what he saw.
"Ron? What happened?" Harry asked, fear creeping into his voice.
"She's alive Harry. First off you need to know she's alive." Ron was fighting to maintain his outwardly calm demeanor but his inner fear was beginning to take over. When he saw the look in Harry's eyes he was afraid that Harry might pass out again. He took a deep breath and continued; "They don't know what's wrong with her Harry. She hasn't woken up yet."
"She…she what?" Harry managed to ask. He fought hard to maintain control of his emotions. He took a deep breath and tried to sound calm, "Well that's okay, isn't it? I mean, I just woke up and you don't look nearly as upset about that. It hasn't been that long has it?" Seeing the look on Ron's face he asked, "How long has it been, Ron?"
Ron replied softly, the words tumbling out of him, "Two days. She hasn't regained consciousness. We weren't so worried about you because you didn't have head trauma like she did. Madam Pomfrey had us convinced that all you needed was rest." Figuring he'd lay it all out for him, he continued, "They want to move her to St. Mungo's so she can be attended to by specialists. I talked to her parents and together we convinced them to let her stay here for now; at least until you got a chance to see her. They didn't really think that a couple more days would make much difference. The medi-wizards already took care of any swelling and all she might have had. They just don't know what else to do."
Harry sat for a minute and let Ron's words sink in before he said, "Thanks Ron. You're right. They can't move her and I'll see to it that they don't. I'll stay here with her until she's better. I'll get her the best medical help I can find. I'll take care of her. I'll watch over her…I'll…"
Harry had gone into a trance-like state as he rambled off all of the things he was going to do for her and Ron looked scared. He grabbed Harry by the shoulder and shook him slightly. He looked surprised to see Ron there. "Harry, I'll stay with you. School will be over in a little over a week and if she's still here, I'll stay too. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."
Looking directly into his best friends eyes he said, "No, Ron. You can't. This is something that I have to do. I don't know how to explain it to you without sounding like a git so please don't make me try. What I can do is promise you that if anything changes I will let you know immediately so you can see her."
"But Harry…I…"
Harry interrupted him, "I know how much you love her…both of us…but this is something that I just have to do. I'm begging you Ron; please understand. I know that I've not explained myself well and that I'm really going out on a limb to ask your understanding, but I just can't…I just don't…" He took a deep breath, "I just don't have the words. They're just not there. It's something that I feel in my heart and my heart is not relaying the message clearly enough for me to say what you need you to hear."
"You love her, don't you?"
"What? Of course I do, same as you."
Ron spoke slowly, comprehending the magnitude of his words, as he said them aloud, "No, Harry. Not like me. You love her. I mean…you're in love with her, aren't you?"
Harry had no intention of hiding it from him any longer. He'd only realized it himself a couple of days ago, but it didn't matter. He loved her now as much as if he'd known forever. He took another deep breath and looked straight into Ron's eyes before he said, "Yes Ron. I am in love with her. I hadn't realized it until I thought she was dead. If you hadn't been so quick to tell me that she was still alive after she'd fallen, I don't know what I would have done. I think I would have died right there with her. I'm sorry Ron. I really am. I didn't expect this to happen."
Ron looked confused at Harry's apology, "Sorry? What are you sorry for?"
"Well…I thought…didn't you? I mean…ARGH!" Harry released a cry of frustration.
Ron laughed. "Come on Harry. You should know by now that I'm long over that. I don't think I was ever really in love with her. More infatuated with her, truth be told. I mean, she's beautiful, fun, caring…who wouldn't be right? Besides, you know Hermione. She likes to be in charge and she needs someone who takes direction well. Sorry mate, but that's you…not me." Ron patted him on the shoulder and laughed a little more. Harry smiled so he continued, "Why do you think we always argued? In case you hadn't noticed, most of our arguments were a result of my not following her `requests'…well, orders really. I'm not so good at that. But you Harry…you are good at doing as she asks. Don't get me wrong now. It's one of the things I love the most about her. If not for her, I probably wouldn't be here now and I'm sure that I wouldn't be graduating in a few days."
Harry's smile was bittersweet as he contemplated what Ron had said. He closed his eyes and pictured her in his mind as he said, "You're right again. I could never say no to her, could I? I just hope…" `Don't dare speak those words out loud Harry,' he heard his inner voice…her voice…say. Harry started again, "I just can't wait for her to wake up and give me direction again." His words held a double meaning that Ron understood immediately.
"Good luck, Harry. I mean that. I honestly can't say that I know how Hermione feels about you, but from where I sit, you two are a match made in heaven and I really hope it works." Ron reached out to give his friend…his brother, a hug before he turned to check on Hermione and head back to Gryffindor Tower.
``End flashback``
His talk with Ron replayed over and over in his mind bringing him comfort in times when he needed it most. Having Ron's blessing was important to him and it made him determined to fight as hard as he had to for her.
Today he sat in his usual seat staring up at the ceiling. By now he knew how many tiles there were above Hermione's bed and he'd even begun to find pictures hidden within them…a bear, a cat, a dog, and even one that closely resembled a hippogriff. Now that one must have been put there intentionally, he thought as he gazed at it once again. How appropriate. He'd been in that hospital so many times before, laying on his own bed staring up at the ceiling and in all those times he'd not once noticed the things that now seemed to draw his attention.
He looked at her. She was so beautiful lying there. It was hard to believe that she wasn't simply sleeping. She looked so peaceful and sometimes he found himself expecting her to just wake up and greet him with that wonderful smile he missed so much. He'd been trying to find ways to get a reaction out of her. He read the paper to her and talked about lots of different things. He told her about Dobby and the house elves, his dreams, and even how much he loved her…he hadn't yet found anything that worked. This time there were no magic words that would bring her back to him.
He heard footsteps approaching and since the school was pretty much empty, he knew it could only be one of two people. He looked up to see Dumbledore approaching, a package held tightly in his hand.
"Hello Harry. How is Miss Granger today?" Dumbledore asked solemnly.
"Hello Professor. No change. She still hasn't responded to anything I've tried. The doctors can't determine what's wrong and I can't think what else to do to get through to her."
"Perhaps this will help." Dumbledore said, offering the package to Harry. "I crossed paths with Hedwig on my way to see you and I provided her with treats and accepted the package for you. I hope you don't mind. It is from Miss Granger's parents."
Harry took the package and slowly tore through the tape that secured it. Inside was a book and two letters; one addressed to Harry and the other to Hermione. He opened his letter and read the words Mrs. Granger had so painstakingly written:
Dear Harry,
First of all, I'd like to thank you for keeping such open communication with us. This has not been easy for any of us but your letters keep us hopeful. We are touched by your honesty about your feelings toward our daughter. We know that she is in good, caring hands and that you will do all that you can to bring her back to us. If things do not work out in the way that we are praying for, we beg you not to think, even for a moment, that it was due to a failure on your part. We know that Hermione would not have wanted to be anywhere else that night. You and Ron are her world and she loves you both very much. She would not have let you go alone…wild horses could not have stopped her from following you. She gets that stubbornness from her father…God bless him.
On the other hand, I cannot express to you in words how much it is hurting us to not see our baby girl right now. We understand the reasons but they do not ease the pain that has now taken permanent residency in our hearts. We look forward to the day she comes walking through our door with her arms open wide. I long to sit on the couch with her curled in arms reading aloud from her favorite childhood book. She may be older now but she will never be too big to snuggle on my lap, rest her head on my shoulder, and listen to the story that always seemed to make her feel better.
I suppose by now you figured it out. The book that I've enclosed was her favorite growing up. She found comfort in its pages. She always loved fairy tales and happy endings. I hope that you will read it to her and that she will once again find that comfort. I only pray now that she finds it outside of her sleep and feels safe in returning to us. I ask that you also read aloud the letter that I have enclosed for her.
Thank you Harry for all that you've done and all that you continue to do. I truly hope that when she awakens she returns the feelings that you so openly have for her. We would welcome you with open arms into our family. We know that you would be a very lucky young man, and we're quite convinced that she would be an equally lucky young woman. We have already begun to think of you as a surrogate son…even if things do not go beyond friendship between you and our daughter; you will always be welcome in our home.
Don't forget to take care of yourself as you take care of our Hermione. You are both in our thoughts…always.
Love,
`Mum' (I hope you don't mind that…it just somehow feels right).
Harry hadn't realized that he'd begun to cry. For the first time since he'd woken twelve days earlier, tears poured freely down his face as he read once again the words that had touched his heart so deeply, "I truly hope that when she awakens she returns the feelings that you so openly have for her. We would welcome you with open arms into our family. We know that you would be a very lucky young man, and we're quite convinced that she would be an equally lucky young woman. Mum" They would welcome him into their family. In that moment Harry realized that he would have to find a way to get through to her and when he did, he would make her realize just how much she loved him too. She had to love him; things were working out too well for her not too. Right after he read the letter to her, he would definitely try the book.
"Ahem."
Harry had forgotten that Dumbledore was standing next to him. He looked up at him once again and for the first time, he noticed sadness reflected in his eyes.
"Judging by your reaction, I gather there is a little good news in that letter somewhere?" Dumbledore smiled at him and a small trace of his trademark twinkle reflected briefly in eyes. "I do not expect you to share the contents with me Harry. Just know that I am here for you anytime you wish to talk. My door has always and will always be open for you, all you have to do is walk through it. I sense that you want to be alone with Miss Granger so I will bid you adieu for now. Do take care of yourself, Harry. You'll be no good to her if you run yourself into the ground. Get some rest." With that, he turned and walked quietly away.
Harry thought about Dumbledore's words and knew that soon he would be ready to talk. Although, a rather large part of him knew that no matter what he confided to him, Dumbledore already knew most, if not all of it. He had always known what lay within Harry's heart.
Harry looked down at the letter Mrs. Granger sent for Hermione. Even though she told him she wanted it read to her, he couldn't help feeling as though he was invading their privacy. He took a deep breath and slowly opened the envelope. He began to read out loud, stumbling every now and again as a knot formed his throat from the pressure of his unshed tears:
Hi Sweetheart,
I asked Harry to read this letter to you. I hope, honey, that you are able to hear and understand the words even if you are unable to acknowledge them.
First of all I need you to know just how sorry your father and I are that we have not been there for you physically. There is so much interest in your life right now that we worry what will happen if we leave here. Harry has been wonderful about keeping us updated with regard to your condition and in return we keep the press informed so they will not stoop to making up stories. I know that sounds like a cop-out honey and that we should be there regardless…and that's probably true. However, we are trying to do what we feel is best for you and for now that means allowing Harry to be there for you in our absence. He has promised to contact us immediately if anything should change and special transportation will be arranged should we have to rush to your bedside. He is quite a young man Hermione and we are thankful that he has played such an important role in your life and we pray that he will continue to do so.
We have been in touch with Ron as well and I must say that your ability to choose your friends wisely is amazing. If you'd searched a lifetime I don't think you could do any better than those two. Their love and concern for you is evident in every word they share with us. I'm proud of you, sweetheart…for everything you've accomplished in your life. I can't even begin to list the things that you have done that have made our hearts swell with pride…and so I won't, not here anyway. I will save that for when I hold you in my arms.
Do you remember all those years ago when you would crawl onto my lap with your favorite book? You would snuggle into my arms, lean your head against my shoulder, and lose yourself in the fairy tale as I read it to you. Those are some of my most treasured memories Hermione. Those are the ones that I cling to as I wait, longing to see you walk through that door and into my arms. I'm ready to hold you like that again…even if you do think you're too big for that now. You'll never be too big to snuggle with me on the couch to listen to your favorite story.
Because I cannot be there with you now, I have sent the book to Harry to read to you if he chooses. I hope sweetheart that you can find comfort in it once again. I pray that it leads you back to us. I know I shouldn't speak the words out loud, or in this case, write them in a letter to you, but I feel as though this may be our last chance to get through to you and I pray to God that it works. Come back to us Hermione. We love you and we long to see your beautiful smile and to hear your laughter echoing throughout the house.
You are always in our thoughts and prayers. Come back to us soon. God bless both you and Harry.
With all my love,
Mum
P.S. Your dad says to tell you that you better hurry home…he misses his Trivial Pursuit rival. You know I find it difficult to keep up with him! Honestly, like me, he just flat out misses you. He sends his love.
When Harry eyes reached the bottom of the letter he saw what appeared to be tear stains…he didn't know if they came from him or Mrs. Granger. Perhaps it's a mixture of both, he thought as he wiped away the fresh tears that had begun to fall.
Harry shook his head and decided that he needed a bit of fresh air and a bit of food before he started reading the book. It had been an emotional afternoon since the arrival of the letters and he needed to clear his head. He looked at Hermione to see if she had reacted at all to the letter he'd read to her. Disappointment and sadness filled him as he realized that nothing had changed. He gently kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand. Softly he whispered, "I'll be back Hermione. I just need to get a bit of fresh air. When I return we'll read the book." He did not see the slight movement of her fingers as he turned to walk outside.
As he stepped out of the castle and the fresh, warm air hit him; he knew where he really needed to be. It was one of only a handful of places he'd been able to find solace. "Accio broom!" He said with a little more conviction then necessary. He smiled as he remembered Hermione teaching him that spell during fourth year; he'd needed her and his broomstick then, too. He caught his Firebolt with the ease. He mounted it and kicked off letting the freedom of flight clear his mind. Hermione did not disappear from his mind, but the pain he'd been feeling lessened a little the longer he flew.
He didn't see Dumbledore's understanding smile as he watched Harry fly. He could sense that Harry was beginning to heal and that he was on the verge of bringing Hermione back. "Good luck, Harry. No one deserves to find happiness more than you." He whispered softly.
Harry didn't know how long he'd been in the air but he felt refreshed when he landed. After he put his broom away he got cleaned up and went to the kitchen to see about getting something to eat.
"Hi Dobby. Came to get a bite to eat if that's all right."
"Oh yes, Harry Potter, sir. Dobby would be most honored to get Harry Potter something to eat. Dobby will be right back, sir."
Dobby returned moments later with enough food to last for the next three days. For a brief moment he wished he hadn't talked Ron into leaving. He sighed.
"Is Harry Potter alright sir? Is sir thinking about Miss Hermione? Dobby wonders how she is doing sir."
"Actually Dobby, all this food made me think about Ron." Harry laughed. "There's been no change in Hermione, Dobby. She still hasn't woken up and she still hasn't moved. I've got to get back to her now though. Take care of yourself. I'll see you later, okay?" He started to walk away when a thought occurred to him and he turned back to Dobby, "You know, you're welcome to come see her whenever you'd like. She may not know you're there, but I will and I'll be sure to tell her when she wakes up."
"Oh thank you, Harry Potter sir." Dobby's protuberant eyes welled up with tears as he said, "Dobby would like to see Miss Hermione. But Dobby is scared too, sir. Miss Hermione is always so nice to Dobby. Dobby will be sad to see her like that."
Harry sighed, "I know what you mean, Dobby…I know what you mean." He thanked him again for the food and headed back to the infirmary to be with her. He sat in his usual seat and watched her while he ate. Always so beautiful, he thought. He grabbed her hand and tried pleading with her one more time, "Please Hermione, can you hear me? I need you. I need you to come back to me. I love you." Nothing. Still no response. He pulled himself together and moved his chair a little closer to her bed and prepared to read the story…
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