A/N: Finally, a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
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Something's Missing
Harry studied her face as he continued to caress the line of her jaw. The war had ravaged her, like so many others. Her face was pale, her eyes shadowed by fear, guilt, and the pain that always accompanied such tragedy. All of these things mattered not at all; everything physical could be healed with time. It was what she harbored on the inside, the scars of all that came before and all that had come since that had him worried. Looking at her face, he knew, would almost be like looking at his own reflection. Obvious differences aside, he knew he was haunted by the same shadows and the same sallow complexion. When would they get back their youth? When would they get the chance to move on as so many others already had? When would they finally be worthy?
"I promised Hermione, remember?" He whispered softly. His eyes were on her face but she could see that his mind was elsewhere. She wasn't sure if he was really talking to her or ruminating to himself out loud so she chose silence as her response. Slowly she lifted her hand to his face and his unfocused eyes became clear and he smiled at her before he turned to kiss her palm; all his fears alleviated for the moment by the simple touch of her hand.
"I love you Harry. No matter what happens, don't ever forget that, above all else, I love you."
Harry turned his face into her hand and she felt his hot tears as they touched her fingers. Whether he couldn't speak or he chose not too didn't matter; his silence and his tears spoke volumes and Hermione's heart understood. Things were not as they should be and they had a lot of healing to do when this was over and Hermione felt as though that time was at hand. They were close to getting their lives back…back? Perhaps not back since Harry had never really had a life. Soon, very soon, they would have their chance to live.
"Harry?"
He didn't remove his cheek from her palm as his eyes found hers. Tears stained his eyes and she felt her heart breaking, but she steeled her resolve. It was time for action; it was time to reclaim what was rightfully theirs.
"Come on, Harry," She said, taking on an air of authority, "we need to get to the bottom of this and as much as I hate to say it, the next logical step is the events of your fourth meeting with Voldemort."
Slowly he nodded his head and caressed her cheek one final time before he sat up. There was very little he hated more than having to talk about that night, even to Hermione. For three years now, that had been one of his most terrifying memories and the one that kept him drowning in cold sweats from his hellish nightmares throughout the summer following.
Hermione watched the emotions play across his face and this time she resolved to do the best she could to maintain tight control of her own emotions. If she could help it, she would not allow any foreign feelings to garner pleasure from Harry's pain. Someday, she silently vowed, we will fight his demons together so he can know what it means to be truly happy.
She placed her hand over his and stroked her thumb across his knuckles. His eyes were cast downward toward the bed and his thoughts were already focused on that night so long ago…the night he'd learned that there truly could be a literal, physical, hell on earth. "It's all right, Harry." She said soothingly. "I'm right here. You know how I feel and you know, deep down, that you are not to blame for what happened."
His eyes found hers once again and she could see the tears that threatened to fall once more. He sniffled and wiped his eyes before taking a deep breath and nodding his head. "I'm sorry, Hermione. It's just…looking at you, seeing the pain in your eyes and knowing what this war has done to you…it's…" He paused for another agonizing, painful deep breath, "…it's killing me, Hermione. I want so much to be strong for you just as you've always been for me, and I will be…just…" He looked at her and suddenly every promise he'd ever made to her and to himself surfaced in his mind and he shook his head and steeled himself against what was to come, "I am. I am, Hermione. I'm going to be strong for you…for us." He said with renewed confidence.
He felt like he was on an emotional rollercoaster and the loop-d-loops were making him nauseous and making his head spin. Hermione had said she wouldn't cry another tear…that Cho Chang would not get another tear from her and quietly he resolved the same. His next tears, he hoped, would be tears of joy when he finally held her in his arms knowing she was free of her demons.
"Are you ready, Harry?"
He nodded. "I'm ready." He said without trepidation. "But you know what? You already know that Cedric was killed. Voldemort told Wormtail to `kill the spare' and he did. He cursed him and he fell, there's not much more to tell about that." She noted the shadows of sorrow that flashed briefly across his face before he continued, "But I don't think that's what Dumbledore wanted me to remember, anyway."
"What are you thinking Harry? What are you supposed to remember?"
Harry looked at her as the realization struck him, "I think he wants me to remember my parents."
Hermione looked confused, "Your parents?"
A small part of him was excited at the thought of his parents. That part of his memory of that night was bittersweet; on the one hand, he saw his parents and they'd spoken to him, but on the other, he'd had to say goodbye yet again; naturally, it hurt much more the second time.
"When my wand connected with Voldemort's the shadows of everyone he killed came out of his wand. Cedric, a
man and a woman, and my parents, they all came out."
"But what does that have to do with anything Harry? Are you sure there isn't something more?" She asked, no less confused then she'd been a moment ago.
Harry shook his head. "I don't know, but everything else that happened that night just happened, you know? Cedric was killed with the Avada curse, there's nothing more to it. Voldemort had to cut off Wormtail's arm and take some of my blood before he could return, but he's dead now so I don't think that has anything to do with what's happening now."
"Something's missing," Hermione said distractedly. "We're forgetting something. Let me see that list again Harry."
Harry handed her the list and watched in fascination as she pondered it. Seeing her in `study' mode was one of the things he'd missed the most since the battle had begun a few weeks prior, not to mention the preparation time beforehand; it felt like forever since the last time he'd seen her this way. As he watched her while she was in a coma, he'd often envision her like this, concentrating, calculating, memorizing…it was one of the things that had driven him crazy for the past seven years but it was one of her most endearing qualities just the same. He watched as she drew lines through his comments so she could narrow down what she felt was important. He didn't mind because he knew with utmost certainty that it would be over soon now that she was set to the task.
DREAMS
The battlefield…Cho, Millicent, Draco
The light
The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again.
Little Hangleton
The graveyard
The light
The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again.
Listen and remember your dreams
Your dreams are the portal to finding the answers
DUMBLEDORE
Remember your dreams
Portal
Events during fourth confrontation with Voldemort
GENERAL
Trelawney killed
Cho cursed Hermione
Cho killed
Draco, and Millicent killed
HERMIONE'S DREAM
Lessons learned
- Let go of fear of being alone
- Let go of fear of future
- Trust her heart
HARRY'S LESSONS
Don't trust Cho Chang (too late)
HARRY'S FEARS
Losing the people I love
Not finding the answers in time (or not at all)
Not feeling worthy of Hermione (and her realizing I'm not)
Hermione began to re-write the list slowly, concentrating on each entry.
DREAMS
The battlefield…Cho, Millicent, Draco
"So you saw the battlefield, where we were fighting, and then you were pulled to a clearing where Cho, Draco, and Millicent's bodies were?" Hermione asked, trying to clarify the details.
"Yep. That's it." Harry replied. "Only I think there were a lot more bodies than when we were fighting. It looked different, but the same, you know?"
Hermione nodded, "Okay."
The light
"And the light, you said a voice came out of it and said this here, about the one who suffers?" She pointed at his entry and looked at him questioningly. When he nodded she wrote it down and continued.
The one who suffers the most must set free that which cannot find its way. Find the answers. They shall lead you to where the journey ends and all hearts shall be free to live again.
"Little Hangleton is where Tom Riddle's father was buried." She muttered to herself as she wrote it down.
Little Hangleton
The graveyard
"You said that same light came to you in the graveyard and told you to listen and remember your dreams, just like Dumbledore, right?"
Harry chuckled softly to himself before he answered, "Yep, right again." He said, amused by her questions. She glanced up at him and smiled at the smirk on his face.
"What?"
"Nothing. It's just…" he raised his hands toward her, indicating what she was doing, "…this…you…it's just…"
She smiled and nodded at him before she returned to the parchment. She knew only too well what he meant and she could only smile…she'd missed it too.
Listen and remember your dreams (and Dumbledore)
Your dreams are the portal to finding the answers (and Dumbledore)
DUMBLEDORE
Events during fourth confrontation with Voldemort
GENERAL
Trelawney killed (by Cho)
Cho cursed Hermione (unknown curse, wrong emotion)
Cho killed (by Draco and Millicent)
Draco, and Millicent killed (by two unknowns)
HERMIONE'S DREAM
Lessons learned
- Let go of fear of being alone
- Let go of fear of future
- Trust her heart
Hermione had worked in silence for a while, adding comments where she felt they were needed, and contemplating the similarities between Dumbledore's comments and Harry's dreams. When she got to Harry's lessons she looked up at him. He was watching her with his eyebrows raised in question.
"What? Are you saying I should trust Cho?" He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Hermione laughed, but only for a second. "No, Harry. I'm saying there are much more important lessons for you to learn."
Intrigued, he sat up higher, "Such as?"
Hermione looked down at the parchment and back up to meet Harry's eyes.
"Forgiveness." She said with certainty.
"Forgiveness? Who do I have to forgive?" He asked incredulously.
"Yourself." She said softly but with conviction. "You have to learn to forgive yourself."
Harry sat staring at her, dumbfounded by what she'd said. It wasn't anything he hadn't already heard, but coming so straightforward from her, it took on a whole new meaning.
HARRY'S LESSONS
Forgiveness
She stopped and stared at the word the moment she finished writing it. There was something about it, there was something more to it. Forgiveness…forgiveness…forgiveness… the word rang through her head like a mantra. She looked at Harry's list of fears and saw that she had scratched through `not finding the answers in time…or not at all'. As she began to write, she listed it…
HARRY'S FEARS
Losing the people I love
Not finding the answers in time (or not at all)
FORGIVENESS…LOSING THE PEOPLE I LOVE…NOT FINDING THE ANSWERS…REMEMBER YOUR DREAMS…BODIES…SHADOWS…LOSING THE PEOPLE I LOVE…FEARS…LOSING THE PEOPLE I LOVE…FORGIVENESS…
He watched as her expression changed as each new thought drifted through her mind and he sensed that she was near to finding the answer they sought. He jumped when she looked at up at him questioningly.
"What do you want Harry?" She asked, seemingly out of nowhere.
Harry shook his head. "I don't understand." He said, confused by the sudden change in her demeanor.
She shook her head and tried to focus more clearly on her question. "I mean…what do you want more than anything in the world? If you could have anything, what would it be?" Unbeknownst to him, her heart was beating rapidly as she waited in anticipation for his answer.
"Hermione, are you all right? I don't see how…"
"Please, Harry. I'll explain in a minute. Just tell me…what would it be?"
"You." He said matter-of-factly. "It would be you…us. Right now that's all I want. I just want things to be normal so we can go on dates and watch movies, you know? I just want to start my life with you."
Hermione nodded and quickly released the breath she'd been holding, "I knew it. I knew it Harry." She said, reaching for him to draw him into a tight embrace. They held each other close and she could sense Harry's confusion by the way he was holding her. She backed away from him just enough to look into his eyes. Her eyes were shining and the smile she gave him was reminiscent of ones he'd seen so long ago…ones he'd missed in the chaos that was now their lives.
He nodded his head toward her and raised his eyebrows questioningly, his expression asking, "Well?"
He felt her body tremble in excitement. "I know what's missing, Harry…"
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