Disclaimer: idea's that Rowling girl's.
And since this chapter has a song u should be aware that I am musically inept… so yeah not mine (it's "nothing like you and I" by the Perishers)
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The one that he pushed away
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Summary: she had loved him, but he broke her heart so many times that it dissipated to a point that all she felt when it came to him was pain. He hurt her so many times and she finally got up the courage to leave him… but she did so with something of his.
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Chapter XXIV: it just makes sense
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7 p.m.
"Hey love, ready to go yet?" Finn asked, poking his head through the door.
"Oh yeah, sorry," she told him distractedly as she quickly grabbed her purse and checked her reflection in the mirror before returning her attention to Finn. "So where will you be taking me this evening? You should be aware of the fact that I have very high standards," she teased him.
"Well I don't really know the area that well, so I figured we'd go to this little family run restaurant that I passed by while at a meeting at the ministry before coming here."
"Rustic, I like. You really do know the way to a girl's heart."
"It's a gift really."
"So, how are we going to get there?"
"We can apparate. Just hold on tight," he told her.
--
Uncle George's
"This place is so amazing," Lily gushed as she surveyed the restaurant.
"I like it. It may not be as chic as people usually prefer, but it suits me. It's got more appeal. I hate those pompous restaurants, the only people you meet there are chauvinistic wankers."
"It's because you and I have such amazing taste that we realize this, everyone else just doesn't know what they're talking about or see how overrated it is," she laughed.
"We really are amazing, aren't we?"
"So true."
At those words the waiter came to request their orders. Once he left Finn turned to her and asked, "So, how's it going with that guy, James?"
She bowed her head so he couldn't see the sorrow, after a slight pause she responded, "I think I messed up Finn- actually I know I messed up." She finally raised her head and he was shocked by the heartbroken look in her eyes that he had only seen a handful of times.
"What happened Lils?"
"James got jealous when I told him I was going out to dinner with you- I- I got mad that he doubted me, I was spiteful. I told him that I wasn't the one that we should be worried about," she broke out in sobs. "The fight escalated from there and I ended it. I miss him Finn!"
"Do you really think that he might cheat on you again Lils?"
"No- I know that logically I should be scared, but- but this time around I'm really not. For some reason, I trust him. I've fallen for him- hard."
"Do you want my advice?"
"Well of course I do! I just spilled out my heart to you, didn't I?"
"I'm just usually not the guy people come to for advice; it's still new to me Lils. They may come to vent, but not for advice."
"Yes, well they also don't know you like I do. They don't realize how great you are at giving advice."
"Flattery will get you no where my dear- well, okay maybe this time it will. I think you have to talk to him-"
"Well duh!"
"Oy, let me finish, will you?!"
"Sorry," she meekly apologized to him.
"Anyway, as I was saying, you two need to talk things out, hash it all out. You have to talk about the past, really address it this time so you can finally get over it and stop being so bitter about it if you really want a chance at some pseudo-happy relationship with him. Whether you realize it or not, it still bothers you."
"I'm scared Finn," she whispered quietly.
"Why?"
"What if I'm really not enough?"
"Lils, you're an idiot and no matter how many times I tell you just how perfect you are I know that it won't change anything. That's also exactly why you need to talk to him. I can't help you with this one, no matter how much I may want to. You have to stop it with this calm and collected, take no prisoner exterior around him. You have to let yourself be weak in front of someone other than me and Riley. It's like no one other than us really gets to see the real you."
"What if what I learn isn't what I wanted?"
"Then you can be happy that you didn't waste anymore time on him."
She cracked a smile for the first time since the conversation was initiated, "I missed you so much."
"Well I'm here for now, so let's enjoy it."
"Hear, hear," she toasted.
--
Marauders' residence
Next morning
Knock, knock
"It's open," James yelled from his bed where he was drawing up plays for his coach to look over.
"Hi you're James, right?" asked a guy with a heavy Australian accent once he entered the room.
"Yeah, and you are?"
"Finn, Lily's friend."
"Should have known, the accent was a dead give away, wasn't it?"
"I wanted to talk to you," Finn told him, his eyes skimming over the heaps of papers on James' bed, "but you're busy now, so-"
"No- no, it's okay. Really, it is. I needed a break anyway."
"I wanted to talk to you about Lily. You should know that I love her, and I'd die for her if I had to, which is also why I have to tell you: if you hurt her, I will kill you."
"I don't want to-"
"I don't care. I dealt with a broken Lily once and it wasn't pleasant. That girl means the world to me," Finn paused, calculating his actions, whether or not he was doing the right thing or just helping her get her heart broken yet again. "I don't trust you; I don't know what to make of you. All I know is that for some inane reason Lily loves you. So I'm giving you two options: fix it, and soon or just let her go. If you don't think it'll work out in the end, then leave her be.' Finn told him before heading to the door, when he was about to pull it open, he stopped, `I said that I don't know what to make of you… I lied, I know one thing, and that's that you love her. You put her before yourself once, when you tried to fight your feelings for her before you two got together-'
"How did you know about that?" James asked, baffled by the statement.
"Riley saw more than you thought. Just- just protect her. Don't hurt her, please, don't break her again," he begged James, all traces of pride escaping him for the sake of Lily, before he exited the room.
--
"Hello you little bugger, did you miss your uncle Finn?" Finn asked Harry as he threw him into the air causing Harry to squeal in delight.
"You better not do that after he eats, or his breakfast will be on you," Lily told him as she prepared Harry's breakfast.
"Can I feed him? I missed doing that, never realized how much I enjoyed it until you two left and it wasn't part of my- our morning routine anymore. I used to love it; I'd wake up get ready for work then stop by your place and help out with Harry while you got ready. I know I used to complain about it- but I never realized how much I needed that. How much it meant to me."
"I felt the same way after you weren't there any more," she told him, as she handed him the plate full of Harry's hot wheat cereal. "It felt weird, like not only did I lose my mate, but I lost my favorite part of my day. You and I would bicker and tease one another, I missed it so much."
"I'm glad we didn't lose touch. I know it's hard to live apart form one another like this, but I'm glad that we talk every day, that we're still just as close as we were the day we left. Maybe even closer."
"You sound like a girl."
"You're my world Lils, you know that right?"
"You're mine too. I'm so glad that I went to Australia, regardless of everything that happened, it was worth it. You helped me so much; you made me a stronger person… you made me feel more loved than I ever have before I met you. I used to cry over what happened, I used to wish it'd never happened, but I'm glad it did now. I love Harry, I have a great job, and best of all I have tight knit group of friend that although maybe smaller than that form Hogwarts, with this one I actually know that they really are my friends. I'm finally happy with my life, and most of that is attributed to having you in it."
"I think I'm going to cry," he told her. "And I'm really not teasing you this time Lils. You surprise me by making me this person I always wanted to be."
"We both need each other, it's a nice feeling."
"It is," he told her with a smile as he began making "choo-choo" noises so Harry would open his mouth to eat.
"No one ever does that with him, he misses it," Lily told him.
"Why don't they, that thing's like famous?"
"It's your thing; it's how he remembers you. Kids at this age don't have that great of a memory; I want him to have something by which he can identify you."
"Thanks Lils."
"Hey, you're a big part of his life. Only reason I'm sane now is because of you, imagine the poor kind if he had a crazy mum. You saved him."
"So you're not crazy now?" Finn teased her.
Lily swatted him, "Oy, you know what I meant!"
"Don't mess with the hair love, a lot of preparation went into it."
"You're such a girl," she laughed at him.
"Yeah? Well at least I don't cry at the end of Casablanca."
"Who cries at the end of that movie?" Remus asked as he and Sirius entered the kitchen.
"Lily," Finn told him.
"They should be together at the end, they're meant for one another, and everyone knows it, even that bloody husband of hers. Anyway, Finn cries during Bambi."
"Hey, who doesn't when they see a deer die, it's so sad!" Finn exclaimed defending himself.
"It's true," Sirius agreed.
"Why am I dating you?" Remus asked, giving his boyfriend and incredulous look.
"Because I'm great in the sack."
"Tr-"
"Oy! Don't need to hear this, nor do my son's virginal ears," Lily exclaimed.
Finn merely laughed as he watched the scene unfold, "That was great!"
"I'm not liking you right now, you know that?" Lily told him.
"Oh please, you adore me."
"You two really are an odd couple," Sirius commented with a slight undertone of jealousy at the banter between the two.
"Don't we know it; you should have seen us when we argued at meetings when we worked under the same department."
"Bloody hell, I forgot about that. I thought Brunswick would kill us sooner or later. You should have seen it though," he addressed Sirius and Remus, "Imagine this pretty built, bald man, very Mr. Clean-esque, turn red. And mates, he was red like a tomato, his entire head. Then there would be this weird vein popping out of his head whenever he got really mad at us, especially if we were reckless during a mission."
"That's bloody hilarious," the two men roared with laughter as they heard the story.
Lily just sat back and watched the scene with a smile on her face. After everything that had happened it was all finally falling into place. Sirius and Remus may not be as close to her as they had once been, admittedly that was her own fault, but they were getting there, and her other friends still fit perfectly in her life.
Everything was right.
Almost everything.
--
Two hours later
Finn had left for the ministry because he had some business there (he ah taken the mission because he had known that then he'd be able to visit Lily), and with him gone Lily was at a loss as to what to do.
"Hey," she greeted Sirius and Remus as she walked into the living room only to see them watching a quidditch game.
"Hello love, how is your Excellency fairing this fine day?" Sirius teased her as he turned off the TV and the two redirected their attention to her.
"Nothing much going on with me, what are you two up to?"
"Sirius is trying to find the kinks in Ireland's strategy to prepare for the game against them this Saturday."
"Will you come? You know, to cheer me on and all that pish-posh," Sirius asked.
"I can't believe that you just said `pish-posh,'" Lily laughed.
"Oh shush you, are you coming or not?"
"I don't know-"
"You can't miss a game just because you and James are having problems. It'll be terribly unfair to me love."
"Well you're certainly very considerate of my feelings."
"Sorry about him Lils; you know how he is, but still he's right; you should come. It'll be fun, I promise. You and I can stuff our faces with food, you know they have the best junk food at quidditch games," he goaded her, knowing her weak spot as far as food was concerned.
"Remus, are you bribing me with food?" she gasped.
"Is it working?" he winked at her conspiratorially.
"Maybe."
"So you're coming?! Great! I'll reserve your seats in the top box then," Sirius told her excitedly as he picked her up and twirled her in the air.
--
She sat on her bed rifling through the piles of bills, trying to organize them to no avail when she heard a knock at the door. "Come in," she called out.
The door opened to reveal James, he closed the door behind him before asking her, "I'm not interrupting anything important am I?"
"Oh- no, not at all. I was just trying to organize these bills with my seemingly non-existent organizational skills. It's rather pathetic actually."
"Yeah, you never were particularly good at that. I remember how Alice would organize them for you herself whenever she got fed up with it all because it got so messy."
We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
"Listen, James, I-"
"Let me first, before I lose my nerves, okay?" he interrupted her, his calm and collected façade finally escaping him.
"Sure."
"I screwed up in the past Lils, I know that, and I get why it's impossible for you to forget it, but Lils- I need you Lils. You make me want to be a better person; you make me want to be able to finally deserve you. I love you Lils, please don't leave me," he begged her, keeling in front of where she sat on her bed.
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of
She didn't know what too say in response to that, all she could was pull him towards her and hug him, "You mean the world to me, without you it's just not worth it," he whispered into her ear.
There's nothing like you and I
"James," she told him, pulling away from his embrace. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have held it against you. I may never be able to forget about it, and I won't deny that it still hurts, but I shouldn't always hold it against you. I should move on… but first, I need you to tell me why you did it. I need you to tell me so that we can finally move on and really have a fresh start… so I won't always be bothered by it no matter how much I may trust you."
"I was scared- when we were dating during seventh year it was just after my mum's death. You only met my dad once, but you saw how it was then Lils, you saw how heart broken he was."
"But what does that have to do with me?"
We spent some time
together drinking
Spent some time just thinking
about days of joy
As our hearts started
beating faster
I recalled your laughter
from long ago
There's nothing like you and I
"I saw it killing him, I watched my father die of a broken heart and I couldn't do anything about it. I had him leave me when he didn't have to. I was scared of being that weak- I guess I just thought that if I put up a barrier between us then it wouldn't happen, that I'd be able to be `strong.' I tried to convince myself that I didn't love you- that I was just fond of you, but it never worked. So I went to those girls to try to prove it to myself… to prove that you didn't mean anything to me."
"Then why did you try so hard to get me to take you back very time James?!" she yelled at him, sobbing from the feelings that the conversation unearthed.
"Because I was lying to myself, I did love you, I needed you. Lils please don't leave me, I'm weak without you, like my dad I'm a shell of myself when you're not there. I made a mistake, I didn't realize until too late that it was your love that made me strong, not weak like I'd thought," he begged her.
We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
"I hate you," she sobbed. "I hate you so much because you can make me need you this much."
"I love you," he told her before kissing her.
"I love you too and I won't leave you, but you better not fuck up again James, or so help me god I will-"
"Lils," he interrupted her. "I won't, this time around I know that I don't stand a chance without you in my life. I know I'm weak without you and for the first time I finally see what a great thing that is," he told her before pushing her onto the bed and kissing her passionately, flinging all the papers aside.
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of
--
Next day
Once Lily finally got out of bed, ignoring James' many protests, she made her way to Finn's room only to see him miniaturizing his packed bags and pocketing them.
"So you're leaving?" she asked him, leaning on his door frame.
"I have to, work awaits, death eaters need to be caught, and all that what not."
"Will you come back to visit?"
He turned to her, smiling sweetly at her, "Love, no one could keep me away if they wanted to, I promise you that, but it has to go both ways, you have to visit me as well. You're losing your tan in this dreary weather, it's such a shame."
"Deal."
"Lils," he paused, searching for the right words. "I love you. You're a slob, emotional wreck that drama always seems to follow, and you're the best mate that I could ever wish for. I just- I know I've said it before, but thanks-"
"Finn, you're the one that saves me every time, not the other way around."
"you do more than you think. No one else believes in me like you do… I mean Riley does too, but with you it's different, you don't ever let me forget it and that means a lot to me. You saved me from myself. You made me grow up; mature… well sort of, to some extent at least. But let's face it, that's a miracle as it is," he gave her one of his famous, heart stopping crooked smiles.
"I love you so much," she told him as she hugged him tightly.
"I know, and the sentiments are returned- I wasn't you to know that nothing should change. Just because everything is great in your life now and I'm on a different continent doesn't mean that I don't want to hear about how amazing it is. I care about that just as much as I do about your problems. If you need me, I'm a phone call away, even a port key away if you need the real thing."
"I'll hold you to that one," she told him before lightly pushing him towards the door, "Go before I'm tempted to force you to stay."
"Okay, I'll miss you," he told her before quickly pecking her on the cheek and leaving the room.
--
Lily's room
Twenty minutes later
"Oy, Lils! Get your fat arse down out of that room. We need to go or we'll be late for the game," Sirius yelled from across the hallway.
"Coming!" she told him before she noticed a light pecking coming from her window. "Dog, what is it?" she asked Finn's delusional owl (who ironically enough actually believed that it was a watchdog, which was where Riley had gotten the idea for Fish's name) as she let him in and took off the letter attached to its extended leg.
Don't kill me, but I forgot to give you the letter Riley sent with me for you, anyway I just found it in my pocket and here it is.
After all, better late than never, right?
"Typical Finn," she muttered to herself as she quickly opened the letter from Riley.
It's weird you know, not talking to you all the time… not having you as a constant in my life. You know there's this saying "love doesn't make the world go round, love is that makes the ride worthwhile"… through you I saw just how true that was, and not just as a girlfriend, but also in a platonic sense as well.
You changed me Lils, before you I'd never been in love, but regardless of that… I think that we can still be good mates, the best of mates like we always were… I love you, you're the coolest girl ever and I know that I said that I needed time, but I'm finally starting too realize just how stupid I was for ever having told you that. Please, don't let me live another day without your amazing company.
A fumbling suck up that's forever yours,
Riley.
p.s. you and James… you make sense… in some odd way you really do, you're good together, you match each other in a way that I finally see that you and I never could.
You just make sense.
p.p.s. Finn and I'll see you at Harry's birthday party in three months time… until then.
"LILY!" she heard Sirius yell once again.
She dropped the letter in surprise. "Coming," she told him as she grabbed her purse and left the room with a small smile on her face.
Now, everything was right.
There's nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
There's nothing like you and I
--
Author's note: there you have it, the end of the fic. You finally got the reason why James cheated (and it only took 24 chapters to get there LoL) and the REAL end of Riley. Hope it reached expectations (I was never particularly good at ending, so sorry if it's total shit).
(oh and I may not have mentioned this before to the anonymous reviewers, but I always responded to reviews, yours aren't any exception, so if you are at all interested, feel free to check it out)
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