Disclaimer: idea's that Rowling girl's.
And since this chapter has a song u should be aware that I am musically inept… so yeah not mine (it's "Liar Liar" by Alex Johnson/Jude Harrison, Instant Star)
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The one that he pushed away
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Summary: she had loved him, but he broke her heart so many times that it dissipated to a point that all she felt when it came to him was pain. He hurt her so many times and she finally got up the courage to leave him… but she did so with something of his.
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Chapter VIII: his name's Harry…
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Previously:
"Well- you see- she kind of had your kid."
"Wait- what?" James asked, still confused.
"You got her pregnant James. Right before you two broke up. She found out after you two split, but couldn't tell you."
"I have to go," James muttered as he disapparated from the kitchen.
"That's not good, is it?" Sirius asked.
"Lily got knocked up?" Remus asked, still confused.
End re-cap
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"One second," she yelled as she walked towards the incessant pounding on the door. "What do you-" she stopped speaking once she saw that it was James standing before her.
He looked the same except for having filled out a lot more so that he looked so much more rugged now, very sexy.
"James, what are you doing here?" she asked quietly, regardless of the fact that she already knew the answer to that question.
"When were you going to tell me?" he asked, seething with so much anger that it frightened her, she had rarely seen him in such a state.
"James, calm down-"
"Don't you dare tell me to calm down Lily!"
"Fine, then I'm not talking to you. I'm not going to put up with your temper."
"Oh please, your temper is five times worse then mine ever was; don't give me that bull shit."
"Well not anymore, it tends to scare Harry; I have to control it around him."
James' face softened at that note, "Harry?"
"Yeah, after your father. He was a good man, I wanted to commemorate him memory in some way."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"But really, when were you going to tell me?"
"Why don't you take a seat James," she said as she seated herself on the couch.
He nodded and took a place on the chair across from her.
"I don't think that I was ever planning on telling you-"
"What?!" James yelled.
"James, shut up and let me finish."
"Fine," she muttered.
"I didn't think that I was ever going to tell you, but everything changed when Sirius came last night. We talked about it, and yelled, for a few hours and he helped me realize that I had to tell you. That you really did have a right to be a father figure to Harry if you wanted to. So I asked him to be the one to tell you."
"Lily, I just- I don't understand- why didn't you tell me in the first place?"
"I had finally got up the courage to leave you and not take you back regardless of whatever stunt you might pull in order to get me back. I didn't want to lose that, I finally felt strong and it was reassuring. The only problem was that I knew that if I told you, and had to be around you again especially so soon after we ended things, I'd lose my restraint. I couldn't do that, you broke my heart so many times and I couldn't let it happen again, I needed to be a strong mother for Harry."
"I'm sorry."
"I should have told you to begin with."
"Yeah, but regardless of that, I've wanted to apologize to you for two years now-"
"It's in the past James, let's just leave it there, we have to focus on Harry."
"Lily, just let me get this out."
"Okay."
"I really did love you and I was a jackass, I always relied on the fact that you would come back to me, I took you for granted and you deserved so much better than that."
"James I need you to promise me something."
"Name it."
"I need you to promise me that you won't make me fall in love with you again."
"Lily, I-"
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11 am
Aurors' department
Remus' office
Lilt walked right in without even bothering too knock, "hey Remus, I'm sorry if you're doing something and I'm interrupting, but I need to ask you something."
"Um, sure, ask away," he told her regardless of the fact that he was wary of what she might ask and completely confused by her disheveled appearance.
"Do you think James ever loved me?"
"Lils-"
"don't `Lils' me, Remus. Just tell me, it's really rather simple, yes or no, which one is it?" she snapped.
"Yes."
At that response Lily broke down in tears, "then why Remus? Why did he do that to me? You don't hurt someone that you love like that?"
"Lily what happened?"
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Flashback:
"Promise me that you won't make me fall in love with you."
"Lily, I don't know if I can-"
"James please, just do this for me. I don't want to get hurt again, and you know as well as I do that in the end that's just what you'll do."
"Lily, I love you. I can't just turn something like that off. No other girl has ever compared to you-"
You said I was your everything,
You said I was the one,
You played me like a radio,
You use to love that I had no shame.
"Yet that still didn't stop you from fucking other girls, I still wasn't enough for you," she interrupted him bitterly.
"It wasn't like that-"
Pour my pain into words,
Hold my hand to the flame.
Tell me you love me like a star
Tell me you want me where ever you are,
Tell me you breathe me until your last breath.
Liar, Liar, oh, Liar, Liar.
"Really? Then what was it like? Please, enlighten me James."
"I- I-"
"That's what I thought."
"No-"
"James, I think that you should just leave."
"No, Lily-"
"you can come by at eight tonight to meet Harry, and I'll send you an owl sometime today outlining what times are good for me for you to meet up with Harry."
"Lils-"
"You can owl me back if you have any problems with it."
"Lily!"
Bit by bit I feel the draft,
Just sit back and watch it burn,
Hold your eyes up to my veins,
Call out, call my name
"Please, just go James."
"Fine, but can we talk again?"
"I'll see."
"Lils!"
"Bye James," she told him as she pushed him out the door.
End flashback
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"I hate him Remus!" she cried, "I really hate him for everything that he puts me through."
"Lily," he hugged her, "he doesn't mean to hurt you."
"Then he should just let me go."
"I know."
"Then why can't he just accept that he screwed up?"
"Because he loves you."
Tell me you love me like a star,
Tell me you want me where ever you are,
Tell me you breathe me until your last breath.
Liar, Liar,
Oh, Liar, Liar, Liar, Liar, Oh, Liar, Liar
"Just not enough to stop fucking other girls."
He was at a loss for words, how could someone respond to that? When it came to the bottom line she was right, he hadn't given it up.
Lily began wiping her tears away and separated from Remus to check her make up in the mirror, "Merlin, I look like a right bloody mess."
"No you don't, you always look amazing."
"Thanks, you're so sweet, but I should go, I have lunch plans with Sirius," se told him as she turned towards the door.
"Hey Lily," he called out suddenly as she was half way out the door. Once she turned around he told her, "you never told me if you were still in love with him."
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Author's note: so what do you think? Do you think she still loves him? Do you even like this chapter? Did I follow up the cliff hanger well or was it disappointing? Opinions are always accepted…
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