A/N: So with a show of hands, who's worried about Lily? Completely understandable!
Disclaimer: Just borrowing.
Chapter Thirteen
James rubbed his head, suffering from the worst headache he had ever had. He pulled himself up off the floor in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius was sitting next to him looking like he felt. Sirius was frowning, rubbing his head.
"What the hell happened?" Sirius asked. James shook his head and then wished he hadn't. The throbbing was unbearable.
"I don't know. One minute, I was standing in the room waiting for Remus and the next I was waking up here," James said as he held his head. They looked at each other.
"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked. They began to look around. Heading into the other room, they came across Remus sitting on the edge of the bed. He had his back to them.
"I've done something terrible," Remus said. He was bent over, looking at the dusty floor, and hadn't turned to them.
"What do you mean you've `done something terrible'? Did you bite us? Because I don't feel bitten," Sirius asked as he touched his shoulder. Remus jerked his shoulder away.
"No, I didn't bite you two," Remus said with a depressed sounding voice. "But I might have… bitten someone."
"Who did you bite?" James asked.
"I don't know, but I think I might have attacked Lily," Remus cried.
"Lily?" Sirius said frowning. "How is that even possible?"
"How can you be sure?" James asked confused. Remus slowly stood and turned. He was human again, a knife was still shoved in the upper left part of his chest. Crimson blood was oozing around the metal blade.
"Oh my god! You have a knife in your chest," James shouted. Sirius and James ran to his side.
"Don't pull it out," Sirius warned as he looked at his friend in concern.
"I wasn't going to," Remus said crossly. "But that is the least of my concern. I could bleed to death for all I care. This is Lily's knife, her initials are engraved in the bone handle. I don't remember what the hell happened."
"We need to get you up to the school," James said quickly. "We'll take you to the hospital wing, have you healed up, and then we will have a little look in on Lily. I'm sure she is just waking up in her bed. We're just going to laugh about this. There is no way that you could have attacked her. She was patrolling last night."
"I hope so," Remus said though he was doubtful.
The three headed to the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey nearly fainted from the shock of one of the students with a knife in his chest. She regained her composure and ushered Remus behind one of the curtains. She fretted and fumbled before sending for Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore. Both arrived within a few minutes.
"What in the world have you three managed to get done?" Professor McGonagall asked as she looked at Remus shirtless in one of the hospital beds.
"I wish we knew. We got knocked out early last night and Remus woke up this morning with a knife in his chest," Sirius said. "He thinks he might have done something terrible to someone."
"Who?" Professor Dumbledore asked.
"I think I might have hurt Lily," Remus said remorsefully.
"Why would you think that?" Professor Dumbledore asked curiously. Remus pointed at the knife in his chest.
"This is Lily's knife in my chest," Remus said as he looked at it. "I have sat near her in potions for seven years. I would know her knife anywhere."
"I will head to the Gryffindor tower and talk to her roommates to see whether they have seen Lily Evans today," said Professor McGonagall. She left.
"As for the knife," Professor Dumbledore said. "I think the only thing we can do is pull it out and hope for the best."
Sirius looked at Madame Pomfrey. She looked a bit pale as she pulled out her wand, ready to staunch the bleeding after she pulled the knife free. She took a deep breath and yanked it out in one quick motion. Remus looked relieved when Madame Pomfrey stopped the blood and he was healed. She pressed a pepper-up potion into Remus' hand.
"Well, Alice hasn't seen Lily since dinner last night," Professor McGonagall said nervously as she headed through the doors. "And Severus said that he relieved her early from Patrol."
"So no one has seen Lily since then," Professor Dumbledore said as he touched the knife that was now resting on the tableside. Remus was already getting out of bed.
"If Lily's out there, bitten or not," Remus said. "I'm not staying here. I have to find her and apologize. If I hurt her, I will never forgive myself."
James shoved his hands in his pocket. The three of them waited in the great hall while the Professors rallied the prefects. Together they headed toward the forbidden forest to look for Lily. Remus was silent and forlorn, standing between Sirius and James. They all walked into the forest, calling her name.
"What the hell was she doing in the woods?" James asked. He shook his head. "It just doesn't make sense. How would she have even gotten out without being detected?"
"It might have to do with Lily raiding your trunk yesterday," Peter said quietly. "She told me she was spying on you to find out more about you, James. I caught her in our room yesterday during dinner."
"I couldn't find my invisibility cloak yesterday, but I'm always forgetting where I hid it," James said. He shook his head. "She must've nicked my cloak. She lied to you Peter. She lied to all of us."
"That doesn't change the fact that we love her," Sirius said to them quickly as he tried to hide the panic that each of them were feeling. "When haven't we lied about things? Let's just find her and then you can get on to her about your cloak."
"Do you really think you hurt her?" James said after a few minutes. He looked really worried. Remus looked away, ashamed.
"Yeah," Remus said. He refused to look at James.
"How can you be sure?" Sirius asked. Remus looked at him frowning.
"I, uh, tasted her. I mean I tasted her," Remus said looking ashamed.
"What do you mean you tasted her? What exactly does that mean?" James asked confused and slightly angry. Remus shook his head.
"I just get flashes from last night. I just remember the way she smelled, and she was bleeding…" Remus said as he turned away from James. He looked disgusted with himself. "I licked her face, tasted her."
"Lily!" everyone called out, looking for her. James, Sirius, and Remus turned away from their conversation and resumed looking for her. They resolved that they would have to find her, one way or another.
"If she is, well, you know," James said after a while. "I will still love her. I will still try to be with her."
"She has to be ok," Alice said as she walked with them. She had her arm linked with Franks. "James, tell me she's going to be ok."
"She's going to be ok," James said though as the hours passed, the doubt increased. Noon had come and gone, but there was still no sign of Lily Evans. James's doubt and worry became panic. At dark, they pulled out the lanterns and continued to look. At nearly nine, they came across the scene where the attack took place.
"There is blood everywhere," Alice cried out as they used the lanterns to survey the land. They sent up yellow sparks to say that they had found something. Professor Dumbledore appeared on the scene as if he had been there the entire time.
"So, this is where Lily was," Professor Dumbledore said as he picked up Lily's wand and back pack. He peered inside the back pack. Turning to James, he handed the bag and the wand. "Keep these safe for Ms. Evans, will you? And I think that your missing cloak is in there, too."
"Yes, sir," James said as he held the bag against him. He slipped Lily's wand next to his in his pocket.
"Fan out and look around," Professor Dumbledore said. They all started looking around. The more that James saw, the sicker he felt. There was blood everywhere, especially on the rocks. Remus, unable to go on, sat down on the one blood-free rock and starting crying.
"What have I done?" Remus cried. "What have I done?"
"You can't blame yourself," Sirius said as he looked at James. James threw his arm around Remus and held him tight.
"I'm some kind of monster. I should be chained in Azkaban or something," Remus wailed not caring if the tears and the crying made him look weak. "How could I have hurt her?"
"You can't control what happens to you when you change over," James said as he fought his own tears.
"It's not your fault," Alice said as she looked at them helplessly.
"I think, I think we have to call it a night," Professor Dumbledore said quietly as he looked out at the woods. "None of you have eaten and I think we would best serve Lily by getting you fed and into bed."
"I don't want to go back to the castle and I don't want to eat until Lily's back," James said defiantly as he held on to Remus. He hoped the anger and determination he forced into his voice hid the thick sound of tears that had begun to spill.
"She's fine," Professor Dumbledore promised. "I am sure she is fine."
Reluctantly, Remus and James pulled themselves up off the rocks and headed to the castle. The prefects and seventh years ate a quick meal and stood, ready to head off to bed. Severus headed over to them quickly.
"We don't want any trouble," Sirius said quickly. "This is not the time or the place."
"No trouble. I don't want any trouble," Severus said frowning as he shook his head. "Look, Potter, I know you don't like me and I have to say I don't like you either. This isn't about us, this is about Lily. Since you are head boy, you will hear something first I'm sure. If you could, please, just let me know. Lily is well, my best friend. I love her."
"Yeah," James said nodding. He barely made eye contact with Severus. "Of course."
The Marauders headed back to the seventh year boys' dorm and up into their room. James hesitated before he stripped off his shirt and pants. They climbed into bed but none were able to sleep. James pulled out her wand and twisted it between his fingers, it was warm and smooth between his fingers. It felt great to hold it there, as if he was holding a sacred part of Lily Evans in his hand.
"You have to be ok," James whispered as his eyelids grew heavy. "Please, be ok."
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