A/N: I know it has been FOREVER since I posted. I do apologize. So much has been going on. I moved to a new house in a brand new city last week, so that has been keeping me quite busy. I am glad that so many of you understood letting James and Lily grieve privately for the loss of their daughters. The loss of a child at any age is one that unless you have personally been through it cannot be explained. This is actually a third attempt at this chapter: Anyways… read and review…
Warning: No warning for this chapter, whether it needed it or not. Read at your own risk.
Disc.: I created the plot. The characters are just borrowed.
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C42: Taming Tom's Hair Tonic
Lily heard the snow pelting the windows, waking her. She rolled over to look at the window for a moment before she looked at James who was sleeping next to her. He was asleep, as should she be. She knew she would have to wake up a few hours from then to sneak out of the house at Godric's Hollow before Sirius, Remus, or Peter woke. It seemed foolish, but James and Lily hadn't admitted to any of their friends that they were seeing each other again. It was a secret that no one shared but them.
Lily grinned at James, watching him sleep. He was shirtless, his hair a mess on his head, more so than usual. James' mouth was slightly open, drool seeping out the corner of his mouth. Lily grinned and wiped his mouth with her fingers gently. He mumbled something in his sleep and threw his arm over Lily, pulling her closer. She could feel his breath on her skin and she grinned. She had missed him.
"Mmph," James mumbled softly into her neck. He kissed her sleepily, but didn't wake. Lily felt his hand cross her body and he snuggled against her. Lily could feel her heart swelling with love. She had missed him so long, and she didn't really understand why she had waited long to come back to him or for him to encourage her to come back. She loved him. She had thought that being alone while they mourned was for the best, for both of them, but really they needed each other.
"James," Lily whispered. James mumbled and snuggled closer to her. "James, wake up."
"No, sleep now…" James yawned.
"I love you," Lily said. "I don't want to be apart from you."
"Hmmphs," James said.
"What does that even mean?" Lily asked. James opened one eye and looked at her sleepily.
"I love you too, and I don't want you to ever be apart from me either," James said. Lily raised an eyebrow and laughed quietly.
"All that from that one sound?" Lily asked.
"Yeah," James said sleepily. Lily snuggled closer to him and drifted back to sleep for a few hours. She woke up just before dawn and started to get dress. She looked at him, and she knew she wanted to go back to the mornings that she could wake up there in James' arms. She headed down the stairs, careful to mind the trick step that James' grandfather had installed shortly after installing the same type at Hogwarts. Lily grinned and crept through the door. She stopped to glance at the pile of dishes in the sink, shaking her head. The boys were unable to do dishes, apparently. Every time she went to their house, they had a pile of dishes in the sink.
"So, you're the little elf that's been sneaking in here to do the dishes," Sirius whispered behind her. Lily turned around, her face frozen in surprise.
"W-what are you doing up?" Lily stammered as she placed the last clean dish in the cupboard.
"Just curious to find out why you're sneaking around," Sirius said smirking.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Lily lied. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.
"I don't know what you're talking about," mimicked Sirius. Lily gave him a dirty look. "I don't know why you insist on lying to me. You're not very good at it and frankly, I have to say I don't understand what the big deal is. You and James love each other, and you two belong together."
"We're just taking things slow," Lily admitted slowly.
"Hm," Sirius said grinning.
"What?" Lily asked.
"You're coming for Christmas dinner at the Potters, aren't you?" Sirius asked. Lily shrugged as she closed the cabinet.
"I was invited," Lily said. She glanced at him. "I hadn't decided yet."
"It would make James very happy," Sirius said. Lily nodded.
"I want to make him very happy, but I don't want anything bad to happen again," Lily said quietly as she sat down at the table. Sirius conjured a plate of peanut butter and walnut cookies and two glasses and sat down across from her. "It seems like anytime I get close to someone, bad things happen to them."
"Like?" Sirius asked.
"Um, Severus and I were really good friends, but the closer we got, the more the Dark Lord seemed to want him," Lily said quietly. She focused on the cookie she was breaking into pieces. "Severus surrendered his freedom to protect me."
"It was his choice," Sirius said quietly in response. Lily glanced up at him.
"I couldn't expect you to understand," Lily said as she looked away. "It's like that same thing with James. James was fine until I started dating him. Then he was poisoned by Severus and Narcissa, sought after, getting with every girl possible, and then the whole thing with the babies."
Lily's voice cracked on the word `babies' and Sirius continued to watch her carefully. She took a shaky breath before she started eating the cookie, broken piece by broken piece. Deliberately, she chewed the cookie and picked the walnuts out of the remaining cookies, eating them one by one. It wasn't exactly a healthy breakfast, but as the sun started to rise on the horizon, it was welcomed. Sirius watched her for a minute.
"The greatest thing you have ever done for James was give him a chance," Sirius said quietly. He smiled, not one of his trade mark smirks that he tossed carelessly to everyone but one of his genuine smiles that he rarely shared. "Everything bad that happened wasn't because you were with any one, him or anyone else. The bad stuff just happened. Some of it was Lord Voldemort's fault, but some of it was just the way it is. Your daughters' deaths were just an accident, a sick twist of fate. You have to stop blaming yourself."
"If I hadn't insisted!" Lily protested.
"Everything happens for a reason, Lils, and it's not always up to us to understand," Sirius said patting her hand. "I've seen how miserable you've been since they died, and also how happy you've been since you and James came back together. Don't let fear of what could happen keep you from really living. Everything that you are is because of your experiences, and some of them have been pretty shitty, but you can't let a few really bad days ruin what you could have with James."
"Damn," Lily said quietly as she looked at him. "When did you get so philosophical?"
"I read Madame Karma's Way of Life," Sirius said pointing at a thick book buried under a stack of papers on the table.
"You read?" Lily teased incredulously. Sirius laughed and made a rude gesture to her.
"Of course I read," Sirius said. "I had to do something while I was waiting around for stuff to happen."
"Why were you following me?" Lily asked.
"James was really worried about you, but not enough to hunt you down and drag you back," Sirius said. He hesitated and shook his head. "No, actually he did worry about you that much, but still he wanted to give you the space you wanted. James is my best friend, and I will do anything for him. He wasn't sleeping well, so I started to follow you and assure him that you were alright."
"I felt like someone was watching me," Lily admitted.
"Yeah, I tried not to be obtrusive, but you know subtly is not my forte," Sirius said grinning. Lily nodded and glanced down at the cookies.
"I ate most of them," Lily confessed. Sirius looked down at them.
"Don't worry about that," Sirius said. "I would have eaten them if you hadn't. You saved me all of those empty calories, Lily."
"Like I needed them," Lily said as she stood. She pushed the untouched glass of milk towards Sirius. "I'm lactose intolerant."
"Life sucks for you," Sirius said. "Allergic to chocolate and milk tearing your stomach up."
"I drink soy milk," Lily said shrugging. She smiled and gathered her purse and jacket. She took her keys. She looked at him. "I'll think about coming to Christmas at the Potters."
"You'd better be there, Lils, or I'll show up on your doorstep and shed all over your flat," Sirius threatened good naturedly.
"Good to know," Lily laughed as she headed out the door.
"Don't worry," Sirius called. "I won't tell anyone about this."
"You letting me eat half a dozen cookies?" Lily asked. Sirius laughed and nodded. Lily closed the door behind her as she left. Apparation made her travels home quick and she headed to her flat, checking her messages as she headed to the showers. She went back and forth several times during the morning, trying to decide whether or not she would attend James' parents' big Christmas party. On one hand, she wanted to be with him and her friends. On the other, she wasn't sure that she would be welcome in the Potter house.
"You're being stupid," Lily mumbled to herself as she looked in the mirror at her reflection. She had chosen a simple green dress with a modest skirt length and a gently sloping neckline. She didn't want to increase the thought that she was some loose floozy.
Lily smiled and pulled off the dress, throwing on her favorite sweats. One thing her mother always taught her was to never show up anywhere like a party empty handed. She wasn't sure that the humble baked goods of a muggle born witch, using ancient methods such as actually using a bit of arm strength to stir would be welcomed by someone like Mrs. Potter, but Lily wanted to bring something her great grandmother used to make.
Pulling out a worn book, Lily flipped through to her great grandmother's handwritten recipe for Vanilla Cake. Finding it easily, Lily touched the parchment, aged yellow with time. The parchment was no longer flat, rippled in spots that had swollen with liquid once dripped upon the page. It smelled of vanilla and was browned in those spots. Lily had baked this cake a million times with her mother, her grandmother, and at one time when she was very young, her great grandmother. Always using the same recipe, and though it was committed to heart, it wasn't baking Great Grandma Georgina's Famous Vanilla Cake unless the recipe was out.
"Hm, oven temperature," Lily said as she set the temperature. She had never made the cake on her own, and she was eager to see how wonderful it would be to one day share in the tradition of baking with her daughter. She smiled, at the thought of one day having more children. She hoped that one day wouldn't be too terribly long from now.
It was obvious that something had gone terribly wrong with Lily's cooking. She pulled out a very burnt cake, shaking her head. She ran over the whole thing, not understand where she had gone wrong. She glanced at the time: 40 minutes. She made a face and shook her head.
"Damn Fahrenheit temperatures," Lily swore and quickly thought of the conversion to the more logical Celsius measurements. She started again, using her wand to clear the spring-loaded pan. "It's not cheating if I use magic just to clear the pan and the air."
Lily's second attempt was a little lopsided, but smelled a whole lot better. She grinned as she placed the cake on one of her better plates, drizzled some homemade vanilla icing. She was very proud of her second attempt at the cake. She looked at her wall clock, thinking she should definitely get dressed and start heading to the Potters.
Lily pulled her boots on over her dress shoes, and slipped her jacket on. She pulled her scarf around her neck and pulled her wooly hat on her head. She glanced out the window of her flat to see how heavily the snow was coming down. She hoped that the snow wouldn't hinder her ability to take the Knight Bus to the Potter house. Lily stepped out of her building and was drenched in wet, heavy snow. She stuck out her wand and with a bang, the violently purple Knight Bus lurched to a stop in front of her.
The ride was one of the more unusual for Lily, who really thought it was quite odd to ride around in a triple decker bus with overstuffed arm chairs instead of seats and an ornate chandelier swinging haphazardly from the ceiling. Lily held tight to her cake while Ernie, the nearly blind driver, drove, spinning the wheel left and right, shifting the contents of the purple bus. It stopped with a lurch at the gates to the Potter's house.
Lily barely stepped free of the bus before it took off again. The snow wasn't nearly as wet now, more fluffy and perfect, though it was thick and the snow had piled up to midway up Lily's calves. She trudged up the drive way to the stone steps of the house. She hesitated before ringing the bell. Mrs. Potter opened the door, and she looked at Lily for a moment.
"Lily," Mrs. Potter said grinning as she ushered Lily into the house. She took the cake, happily. Lily began to disrobe from her winter wear. "I am so happy that you came. James will be thrilled."
"Thank you for inviting me," Lily said as a maid apparated to their spot and began to take Lily's shedding winter wear.
"You're family," Mrs. Potter said genuinely as she wrapped her arms around Lily tightly. "How could I not?"
"Oh, uh, I…" Lily said. She was at a loss for words. Mrs. Potter held her at arm's length and smiled at her as she directed Lily towards the large living room. Lily glanced at the large tree in the corner, tall and fragrant of every Christmas memory that Lily had. The room was full of people, some Lily knew only from their pictures in the Daily Prophet like Phil Perkins, the current minister of magic, and his rumored predecessor, Cornelius Fudge. Lily saw Sirius first, standing in the middle of a large group of girls who were giggling madly.
"Lils, hey!" Sirius called waving as he saw her. He handed his drink to a pretty brunette and pushed his way through the girls.
"Sirius, hi," Lily said.
"I'm glad you decided to come. James'll be so thrilled!" Sirius said grinning as he threw his arm around her shoulders. "Mother Potter, if you don't mind, I'll take her from here."
"Be my guest, Sirius. Lord knows you would anyways," Mrs. Potter said as she waved the two off. Sirius grinned and directed Lily towards a Remus and Peter, who were heading down the stairs.
"Where's James?" Sirius asked glancing up the stairs.
"Uh, well…" Remus said glancing up the stairs. "He's having a hair issue. He's trying to tame it."
"Oh, lord," Lily said rolling her eyes. She headed up the stairs two at a time, knowing that James' attempt to tame his hair was futile. It was like trying to box sunshine or bag wind. In theory, it was a great idea but not in practice. Lily glanced at Sirius. "Which one is his?"
"The green door on the left," Sirius said from the top of the stairs where he had stopped. He nodded and gestured for her to continue on without him.
"James?" Lily asked as she knocked on his door. The door slowly opened and James' face peered out at her.
"I don't want you to see my hair like this," James said. Lily glanced up at his hair and stifled a laugh. It looked fake, like a plastic mold of hair on his head, shiny brown and solid.
"You know, I can see your hair right now," Lily commented as she pushed into his room. He grinned and shrugged, stepping aside. "Why'd you do this?"
"I thought you'd like my hair like this," James said.
"I like your hair the way it is," Lily said. She shook her head. "You'd never have to change for me, James Potter."
"There is one thing I'd like to change for you," James said quietly. Lily raised an eyebrow.
"And that would be?" Lily asked hesitantly. James grinned.
"First, I have to get this Taming Tom's Hair Tonic washed out of my hair," James said laughing. Lily followed him in the bathroom and turned the tap on as he started to rinse the tonic out of his hair. Lily held a towel for him while he scrubbed his hair. He stood up, water racing down his neck and dampening his undershirt. Lily laughed and wrapped the towel around his shoulder.
"You have no idea how much I prefer you hair like this," Lily said smiling at him. She kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be downstairs."
"No, wait," James said shaking his head. "I want to give you something."
"Really?" Lily asked. She made a face. "Like a present, because we both decided that we weren't really good about giving each other gifts."
"What, didn't you like the socks last year?" James asked suddenly as he pulled on his dress shirt. Lily back peddled.
"Oh, no I loved the socks," Lily said quickly. She stepped over towards James and began buttoning his shirt for him. James tucked his shirt in himself and pulled on his dress coat.
"Anyways, this isn't really a gift," James said slowly as he grinned.
"Hmm…" Lily murmured as James bent his head down and kissed her rather intensely.
"Reach into my left pocket, Lily," James breathed into her ear as his mouth left hers and splayed little kisses along her jaw line and neck. He continued to kiss her as he felt her hand dip into his pocket. She giggled at his kisses as she stepped back a bit.
"What is this, James?" Lily asked curiously as she took a look at the object in her hand.
"My gift of me to you," James said quietly. She looked at him curiously.
"Your gift of you to me?" Lily asked slowly.
"When I woke up this morning and you were gone, I realized that I hated you not being there. It made me think of this object I picked up back in June for you. I should have given it to you the moment I saw you," James said seriously. "So, I am offering you all of me forever if you will have me."
"I… I… I…" stammered Lily as she looked at the box in her hand. "Is this what I think it is?"
"Yes," James said as he dipped down, clutching her hand in his. "I never want to be apart from you ever, Lily. I want to wake up every morning with you by my side. So, Lily. Will you marry me?"
"This is so… sudden…" Lily said looking at the box.
"Not so much," James laughed quietly, nervous. "I've loved you forever. I want to be your husband. I want you to be my wife. I want to raise a family with you."
"Does Sirius know?" Lily asked. James made a face.
"About what?" James asked.
"You asking me? He seemed really insistent that I come tonight," Lily asked as James continued to kneel in front of her.
"Actually, up until you pushed your way into my room, it wasn't on the agenda," James replied. He shrugged. "I was going to ask you to marry me while we were on our trip, but then so much happened and the time was never right. So, I held off. I was going to wait until New Years or Valentine's Day, but this morning made me realize that would be too long for me to wait and ask you."
"I see," Lily said. She looked at him. "Yes."
"I mean, I know we said that we were going to take it slow, but I don't want to wait forever," James said.
"Yes, James," Lily said looking at him.
"We love each other," James said distractedly. "I know you love me as much as I love you, after all, and I know we were meant to be together."
"Jesus, James," Lily said covering his mouth with her hand. "Listen to me. I am telling you yes. I want to be your wife and I want us to get married."
"But?" James said with his voice muffled by her hand.
"No buts about it," Lily said. "You've asked me and I am telling you yes."
James pulled her hand away from his mouth and a very pleased smile crossed his face. He stood and threw his arms around her tightly. She pulled back from him a minute to wipe her eyes, tears of happiness spilling down her face. She laughed as he glanced away, hiding his own un-manly tears. She threw her arms around him, planting a kiss on his cheek.
"I love you so much, James," Lily giggled as he nuzzled her neck.
"I love you, too, Lils," James said as he pulled back a bit. "I hope you like the ring. It was my great grandmother's ring."
Lily looked at the very expensive looking ring he held before her, his arm still around her. Lily was speechless. She just looked at him, nodding, and he freed it of its box. James slid it on her finger, and it fit perfectly, as if the ring was made for Lily's hand. He couldn't suppress his grin. Lily Evans agreed to be his wife. He was the happiest man alive.
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