Chapter Fourteen
Lily stood looking around. She frowned, unable to remember what exactly had happened or where she was. She pulled herself into a sitting position and looked down at her clothes. Her once white shirts were covered in blood, but it seemed to have happened a while before. The blood was no longer bright red but had, instead, dried to the brackish brown that usually accompanied old blood.
"What the heck happened?" Lily grumbled as she touched her forehead. She tried to stand but smacked her head on the ceiling. "Where in the world am I?"
"Ah, you're awake," a high pitched voice said. Lily looked down at its source. "We were worried."
"Where am I?" Lily asked as the small man gestured for her to sit. He barely came up to her knee.
"You're in my house, naturally," he said. He stretched his hand out to her, shaking her pinkie "I'm Dimelo."
"I'm Lily," she replied. "Not to be rude, but what are you?"
"I'm a Key Elf," he said proudly as he puffed up his chest. "We're related to house elves, but not as domesticated."
"What am I doing in your house?" Lily wondered aloud. He frowned.
"I brought you here after that horrible beast attacked you," he said. "What in the world were you doing out in the wood alone at night when the lunar orb was full?"
"Huh? The lunar orb, oh, you mean the full moon," Lily said as she continued to hold her head, applying pressure where it hurt the most in hopes of squashing her headache.
"Yes," he said.
"I was out looking for unicorn hairs, special unicorn hairs," she said. "Colt unicorn hairs."
"It's the wrong season," he said simply.
"I found that out last night," Lily said as she remembered her colt was no longer a baby but nearly a full grown unicorn.
"Why did you need them?" Dimelo asked as he gathered up some herbs. He had his back to her.
"I needed them to make a potion," Lily said quietly. "That beast, as you called him, is my friend. I was trying to create a potion that would cure him of his infliction. I tried three times with the golden unicorn hair, and I was nearly successful, but at the end it went horribly wrong and turned."
"Noble, indeed, but if that beast was your friend, why did he attack you?" Dimelo asked as he handed her a cup of herbal tea.
"When he turns, he remembers nothing of his human life," she defended as she drank from the tiny cup. Instantly, her head no longer hurt.
"Better?" Dimelo asked. Lily nodded.
"Yes," she replied. "How long have I been here?"
"Two days," he said. Lily stood up quickly, smacking her head on the ceiling again. She sat back down quickly, rubbing her head.
"Two days! Everyone will be worried sick about me!" Lily said. She reached for her wand to find it gone. "My wand. Where's my wand?"
"They took it," Dimelo told her.
"They? Who?" Lily asked.
"The others like you," he said. "The witches and wizards who live at the big castle in the distance."
"I have to go," Lily said.
"Let me at least bandage you up and get you clean clothes to wear, ok?" Dimelo told her as he waved his hands around. Lily could feel her injuries being cleaned and bandaged under her clothes. Like magic, dirt and blood seemed to be lifted from the garments and the tears were mended.
"That's amazing," Lily said. Dimelo smiled.
"That's Key Elf magic for you," he said as he opened a door barely big enough for Lily to crawl out of. "Feet first, so you don't fall to the ground on your noggin."
Lily did as he said, her feet touching the ground. She looked at where she had just come out of in shock. She had been inside a tree, and not just any tree. It was the tree by the stream where she had been attacked. Lily looked at the tiny man waving at her.
"Thank you so much for keeping me safe, Dimelo," she said. He laughed with his high pitched laugh.
"Hopefully on the next full moon you'll be more careful," he said. "I hope that he didn't infect you."
"Well, I suppose we'll know at the next full moon, won't we?" Lily said as she shook the small elf's hand.
"Take care, and head straight that way through the woods," Dimelo said.
Lily knew with a clenching feeling in her stomach that she would have to face everyone, and that was going to be awkward. She shivered, wondering where her cloak had gone, the new snow crunching below her feet. She had been with him for two days and no one had known where she was. The sun was already coming up, and she was starved. She shivered, her arms around her body to keep warm, and she crossed the snow covered grounds. She glanced at Hagrid's hut, the swirling of smoke a comforting sight as she passed.
The great hall was warm and Lily was thankful for that. She sat down at the table, the great hall still deserted. She ate hungrily, wanting to go speak to Professor Dumbledore before she headed to the hospital wing. She was certain that he would have a lot of questions. She looked down at her food, ashamed. She had tried to help Remus and may have actually made things worse for him. He had attacked her. If she had only had some spare potion for him or even the cure, none of this would have ever happened.
"You shouldn't beat yourself up," Professor Dumbledore said as he stood in front of her, the table between them. Lily looked up in shock. She had been certain that she was the only one in the great hall this early in the morning.
"Sir, I failed," she said shaking her head. She wiped a tear away from her face quickly, as if ashamed to show her weakness.
"Failure would have been never trying," he said quietly. "In fact, I am very proud of you for trying. For as long as I have been a live, and we know that is many years, people have spoken of a cure, dreamed of a day when we were able to help our afflicted brothers. No one has ever come as close as you have come, Lily. I read your notes, and naturally have seen your formula there in your mind. Such brilliance, and I feel that in the right time it will be successful."
"I have to succeed now," Lily said as turned away.
"Ah, yes, young Mr. Lupin told me of the unfortunate encounter in the woods," Professor Dumbledore said. He looked at her carefully. "On the next moon, that will be the true test as to whether he has or hasn't infected you."
"The dungeon then?" Lily asked.
"For your own good, should you not change I'd hate to have you vulnerable," Professor Dumbledore said calmly. He looked to the doors. "I see that you're about to be bombarded by the affections of your closest friends. I hope that this is a lesson to you."
"Trust others?" Lily asked as she bit her lip. He smiled, his eyes twinkling like Christmas lights.
"I always thought you were far too cleaver," said Professor Dumbledore as the door to the great hall opened. Lily looked away from Professor Dumbledore to a group of rather sorry looking seventh years. Alice looked up, blinking, unable to believe her eyes.
"LILY!" Alice screamed as she pulled away from Frank and ran full force up the path between the two tables. Lily stood as Alice flung her arms around her tightly. Lily winced from the pain of her bandaged wounds.
"Alice!" Lily cried as the two girls held each other. She fought and lost the war on tears, Lily momentarily surrendering to the salty beasts that flowed down her cheeks.
"I thought you were a goner!" Alice cried as she loosened her grip of death on Lily. "Where have you been? I've missed you so much."
"In a tree," Lily said. Alice shot a look to the boys, worry on her face.
"A tree?" Alice asked slowly. Lily rolled her eyes.
"A Key Elf rescued me," Lily said simply. "He lived in a tree."
"Oh," Alice said surprised. Lily hugged her back and then wiped her eyes. Lily released Alice and turned to the boys. She flung her arms around James tightly, holding on to him as if she would die if she let go. James hugged her back, careful not to touch her much for fear of hurting her.
"I am so sorry that I have been stand offish with you," Lily said. "I can explain. I will explain. Soon, I promise."
"It's ok, whenever you're ready," James said. Lily pulled back and threw her arms around Remus, who was slowly slipping back.
"Where do you think you are going?" Lily asked as she held onto him. "You and I have to talk."
"Now?" he asked. She shook her head.
"No, not now, but soon," Lily said as she released him. "I have to show you something."
"If it's about him attacking you, we already know," Sirius said. He looked to Remus, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Remus told us right away."
"You told them?" Lily asked frowning. "Why?"
"I trust them," Remus said still not looking at her. "James and Sirius are like brothers to me. Look, Lily, I'm so sorry. If I had control, if I could have stopped myself…"
"Shh," James said as he hugged Remus. Lily bit her lip and sat down. She rubbed her forehead gently. The drink that Dimelo gave her was wearing off. Stretching her neck a bit, she sighed.
"It's ok, Remus. I shouldn't have been out there unarmed. I was stupid. I need a shower," Lily said quietly. Standing, Lily nodded at them and headed out of the great hall. She stopped half way to the prefect bathroom, remembering she didn't have her wand. She would need it.
"Wait up," Alice said. Lily turned to see Alice coming towards her. Together they walked to the prefect bathroom. Using Alice's wand, Lily unlocked the bathroom and the two girls entered the bathroom. "We've been so worried about you. James and Remus were bawling like a bunch of babies when they found the place where you were attacked."
Alice watched as Lily slowly pulled off her shirt. Alice gasped at the sight of Lily's wounds as she pulled off the bandages. She looked away quickly. Lily, however, let her eyes fall on the lacerations and cuts on her body. She bit her lip as she looked at her body, frowning.
"Its going to scar," Lily said. Alice looked up, careful not to show the look of horror on her face.
"Do they hurt?" Alice asked.
"Some," Lily said as she turned away, removing the last of her clothes and stepping in the shower. Though Alice was just beyond the shower stall, Lily felt all alone in the world. She felt free to cry and mourn for herself, the shower washing away the dirt and tears.
"Lily," a voice called from just beyond the shower. Lily felt her chest clench painfully.
"James, you shouldn't be in here," Lily called as she wiped away her tears.
"I know," he said. "I just wanted to make sure that you're going to be ok. You've been through a lot, and I know you have to be worried about thing."
"The only thing I'm worried about is whether or not I'll be able to catch up all my missed school work," Lily said. It wasn't a lie. She refused to worry about anything else; it was all out of her control. She waited a second, frowning. "James?"
"Yeah?" he said.
"I'm sorry I've not trusted you with my secret. I just didn't want to have everyone know how much I have failed," Lily said as she shut the water off. She pulled a towel around her body and stepped from the shower. James had his eyes covered with his hand, Alice standing near the window and her back to them.
"Maybe I could have helped, though I doubt it," James suggested.
"You might as well look at the bullet you dodged," Lily said hesitantly. Slowly James lowered his hand and stared at the marks on her body. His face didn't betray his shock.
"He did a number on you," James said as he stepped forward. He placed his hand on her shoulder, ignoring the fact that she was only wearing a towel. "You are still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen."
"Stop," Lily said frowning as she turned away. She shook her head. "I've been terrible to you, James. You don't have to keep pretending to be so nice to me."
"I'm not pretending, Lily," James said as he crossed the room to her. "I really care about you. I really love you. Whether you change into a werewolf or not, that will never change. If you're too stupid to see it, then I don't know of anything I can do or say to make you believe me."
"I'm not stupid," Lily defended.
"In love, you are," James said. He kissed her right there, his arms circling her. At first, Lily let him, forgetting that Alice was just feet from them and with Lily in a towel at that. Lily turned away from him quickly, horrified at how close he had come to the truth so many times and how many times she had pushed him away. She frowned.
"You can't be here, James," Lily said as she pushed against his shoulders. He took a step back. "I need to be alone. You can't possible comprehend."
Lily walked away from him, not even looking at Alice or James as she began to pull her clothes on while maintaining some semblance of modesty. She knew that they were looking at her, almost worried. She could feel it on the top of her head as she continued to keep her eyes averted. She heard the door swing shut and she finally looked up. James was gone. She glanced back down, disappointed. She had thought, secretly hoped, he would be more aggressive.
"Lily…" Alice started as she reached out to touch Lily on the shoulder. Lily jerked away.
"Just… just go away," Lily said frowning. She pulled her shirt on, removing the towel and forgetting the bra. The thought of anything tight on her ribs stole her very breath. Lily spent an insanely long amount of time tying her shoes. The door swung shut again and Lily was alone in the prefect bathroom.
Standing, Lily looked at herself in the mirror. She felt anger and sadness welling up just below the surface. She stared at her reflection critically. Her lip quivered; as if hurt that she couldn't accept the body she was given. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision. She touched the scrapes from her battle with Remus, touched the claw marks in her shoulder. Remus had drunk some potion, so there was hope that he wasn't contagious, and he hadn't actually bit her. She was feeling… well, she didn't know. She was confused.
"I wish I knew," Lily sobbed as she covered her face. "I wish I knew what the right thing to do was."
Lily took a deep breath and wiped her tears from her face. She tilted her chin up, straightened her shoulders, and headed toward the Gryffindor common room in search of James. She needed her wand and her back pack back. Entering, she was overwhelmed by the amount of stares and whispers that seemed to erupt as she walked through. She had never been on that side of the gossip before and she thought it was rather embarrassing. She ignored the curious glances and stares of her fellow housemates, instead headed straight to where James and the Marauders were sitting with Alice and Frank. The cozy little six looked at her expectantly.
"I believe you have my wand," Lily said coldly as she kept her distance. Alice glanced at Frank for a moment before James produced the wand. She took it quickly, as if it remained between them it might kill her.
"Dumbledore asked me to hang onto it for you," James said quietly. Lily knew she should thank him, but the words wouldn't come out. She nodded once, stiffly, and turned away from them. She could feel their eyes drilling holes in her back as she practically marched up the stairs. Before she had the door closed, the common room erupted into loud chattering.
"What is your problem?" Alice asked rather roughly as the girls dressed the next morning. Lily still hadn't spoken to her since she had shrugged her off in the bathroom.
"Nothing," Lily lied. Alice shook her head.
"Something has to be wrong," Alice pushed.
"No," Lily replied as she slipped her socks onto her feet.
"You can't just sit there and lie," Alice pushed. "The boys think that if you talk about it, maybe you will quit being so…"
"Oh, the boys think," Lily said mockingly, her face scrunched slightly from her headache and a little annoyance. "That's a new one."
"Lily," Alice pleaded. "Please talk to me. You've shut everyone else out, including me. Please talk to me."
"I don't want to talk about it," Lily cried.
"Lily, please," Alice said as tears streamed down her face. "Please trust me." Lily looked at Alice, her eyes welling with tears. Lily sniffled as she looked directly at Alice. She blinked, her chest aching, and tears spilled down her cheeks. Alice didn't move, she just waited, not wanting to do or say anything that would cause an outburst from Lily. Lily's bottom lip trembled as tears continued to flow down her cheeks. She breathed in, a shaky sob erupted.
"I'm so scared," Lily sobbed. Alice crossed the room, throwing her arms around Lily. She patted her shoulder gently.
"It's ok to be scared," Alice whispered. Lily shook her head.
"N-no, it's not. It makes me weak," Lily sobbed as she sniffled.
"Oh, honey, no one's going to ever accuse you of being weak," Alice said with a teary smile. "You have been so strong, especially this year. No one could ever accuse you of being weak."
"I let my parents die," Lily wailed. Alice looked at her in shock.
"W-what?" Alice stuttered. "No you didn't. I was there. They were dead before you sent me out of the car."
"No," Lily whispered. "I put a spell on them to sleep. I saved you. Then I saved myself. It was me or them, and I chose me."
"Lily," Alice said quietly as she shook her head. "The death eaters…"
"They were after me, Alice. My parents were just casualties of their cause," Lily cried. "I let them die because I was afraid to die. And now… now I'm terrified that it was in vain. What am I going to do? I'm scared that I'll become a werewolf."
"That's understandable," Alice said quickly. "And your parents would have wanted you to save yourself, even at the cost of their own lives. It's what parents do."
"But the guilt of it has been eating at me," Lily said as her tears subside. "And now there is this new fear of being inflicted, and the anger I have for James…"
"Why are you angry at James?" Alice asked. Lily looked away, unable to face her.
"That stupid prat," Lily whispered angrily. "That foolish, arrogant, stupid git made me fall in love with him. If that wasn't bad enough, he got me to confess it to him."
"But Lily, that's wonderful," Alice challenged. "Now you two can really see where your romance will take you."
"Little complication here, Alice," Lily said as she took a tissue and blew her nose. She swallowed against the new lump that was forming in her throat. "How can he ever really love me if I become a monster?"
"He told us, even before you returned, that he loved you and would love you, no matter what," Alice said helplessly. "Unconditional love."
"There's no such thing, Alice," Lily said as she turned away. "There is no such thing as unconditional love."
"Yes, there is," Alice challenged in a pleading voice.
"No one could love anyone unconditionally," Lily said as she turned and left their dormitory. Lily barely glanced at the boys as she passed them on her way out the portrait hole. She thought of running to Severus for comfort but couldn't bring herself to do it. No one could ever possibly love her with such a furry little problem hanging like an albatross around her neck.
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