AN: Well this is the chapter I've been desperate to write for so long, so I hope it doesn't disappoint you guys. Also, to all of you who have reviewed, I want to say a big thank you! I take in each and every review that I read, and everyone of them has helped me to no end, whether it be encouraging me, or helping me see mistakes that I can fix, and hopefully avoid in future. Thank you so much.
Some have asked how long this story will be, I can't honestly answer that at the moment. It's taken time to get to this point, and now that the Harry and Hermione romance is on the horizon, I'll be turning my attention to the progress of their relationship. I didn't rate it NC-17 for nothing!
I dedicate this chapter to all of you. Enjoy!
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Just One More Thing
Chapter 5
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Hermione froze. She could still feel the tingling sensation on her cheeks, that Harry's caressing hand was causing. She looked deeply into his eyes, searching for answers to a flood of questions, that had been troubling her since he had last spoke. "Why did you say that?" she thought. "Can I trust him? He does look sincere, but so did Steven when I first met him! Look at how that turned out!" Hermione still didn't flinch. "Why now? After all this time." Hermione never broke eye contact with Harry, when one last silent thought entered her head. "You are not going to do this to me!"
She slowly reached up for his hand, took it away from the side of her face, and placed it at his side. Stepping back from him she shook her head slowly, and whispered, "No."
Harry was rooted to the spot. Had she misunderstood him? No she couldn't have. He was so confident that she felt the same way as him, he didn't even consider the possibility that she wasn't going to return his feelings. It was unthinkable. His loving smile had fallen from his face, as he now went through sheer panic and confusion. He calmed himself, no one said that this was going to be easy, and there was no way he was going to give up now.
"Erm, No what?" he asked. Harry crossed his arms, and gave her a nervous smile.
"I can't," she finally managed to break eye contact with him, and kept shaking her head.
Harry took a step closer to her. "What can't you do?" he didn't know he was capable of being able to talk so quietly.
Hermione shook her hand back and forth between herself and Harry, indicating the two of them. "This."
"I don't understand." Harry said sadly.
"Why now?!" she asked fiercely, making eye contact with her again. Harry was taken aback, she put her hands on her hips and walked right back up to him. "Why now?!" she said, only this time much harsher.
"Because I'm not prepared to hide how I feel anymore." he answered softly.
"And you think that's a good enough answer do you?!"
"It's the only honest answer I can give you." Harry still remained amazingly calm.
"Honest! You really expect me to believe what you just said to me?!" Harry stared at her confused. "I mean what do you want me for Harry?! What do you think you need me for?!" she questioned raising her voice.
"I can't explain it ok?" he took a deep breath. "It's the first time in my life that I've ever felt this way towards someone."
"What desperate?!" she asked bitterly.
Harry knew what she was referring to. "Hermione, I've apologised for that. I know that an apology doesn't make everything ok, but it's the only thing I can give you." he bravely grabbed her upper arms gently. " I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said, and if you want me to apologise for it everyday, for the rest of my life, I will. And even though I deserve it, I'm begging you not to keep punishing me for it." Hermione had never seen him look so vulnerable. "It was a horrible argument, our first real one. Anything that was said, or done in the heat of it, has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about you."
She walked out of his arms again, and started to pace, when she suddenly stopped and stared at him. "How do you feel about me?"
Harry raised his eyebrows. "I just told you."
"No you didn't." she put her hands on her hips and approached him again, "You told me you wanted me, and needed me. That doesn't tell me how you feel."
"You knew what it meant." he said softly.
"God you can't even say it can you?" she slowly walked over to the window, leaving Harry to contemplate his next move. It had started to rain heavily outside, the silence between them was so thick, that she began to concentrate on the tiny spots of rain that hit the window. Hermione had so many emotions going through her all at once, she didn't know what to do. She was angry with him for causing her pain, grateful to him for making her see Steven for what he really was, and still, madly in love with him. He also had the worst timing. She brushed away a few tears that had surfaced, and was so lost in thought, that she failed to notice Harry walk up right behind her.
Closing his eyes, he leant in above her left shoulder, towards her ear. "I love you Hermione." he whispered, and breathed deeply before adding, "I love you so much."
The floodgates opened, and Hermione covered her face with her hands, as she completely broke down. He said it. It had taken him 11 years to say what she had always wanted to hear, only now, she didn't know how to respond to it. She never thought she would be in this position, and so never considered a possible reaction. Hermione found it hard to believe, he had never shown any signs, of ever feeling that way about her, how could he love her all of a sudden?
Harry turned her around to face him, but she refused to drop her hands down. He took hold of each of her wrists with his hands, gently pried hers away from her face, and settled them against his chest. He didn't let go, and gave them a little squeeze, in order to get her to look up at him. It didn't work. "Hermione look at me." he said softly. "Please?"
Her sobbing started to subside, and after taking a few calming breaths, she met his eyes. She could feel his heart beating rapidly against her hands, "Harry --," she was interrupted immediately.
"Shhh." he closed his eyes briefly, and then let them flutter open. "Please, just let me get this out okay? Then you can ask whatever you want." Hermione nodded slightly.
Harry took a deep breath. "There is so much I need to say to you… I don't even know where to begin, I'm not sure if its even gonna make much sense. My behaviour has been inexcusable these past months, whether I liked Steven or not, I shouldn't have acted the way I did when you were with him. I am so sorry, for everything that I've done to hurt you. I never wanted to be the person to do that, and I hate myself for it." Hermione remained silent, and Harry appeared even more nervous than before.
Looking into her eyes for the strength he always found there, he began to pour his heart out. "I'm tired of hiding things, of not being who I really am, only who people expect me to be. Most of all…I'm tired of trying to hide how I feel about you, which apparently I haven't been doing all that well anyway," he laughed at the irony.
"You fooled me," Hermione said quietly.
Harry looked her sadly, and nodded his head. "Yeah. I managed to fool myself for a while too," he licked his lips, that had suddenly gone dry. "Seeing you with Steven annihilated me, it was the final straw." he continued. "It was the ultimate realisation. I want to be the person who gets to make you happy."
"Well he didn't exactly succeed," Hermione said bitterly.
"He wouldn't succeed in making anyone happy except himself," Harry replied. "The guy's a loser, and I wish I'd broke his legs as well as his face!"
Hermione felt Harry's heart begin to pound again beneath her hands. "You scared me today," she said. "I've never seen you look so angry, not even in school when you had Voldemort on your mind."
"Because it's you," Harry stated simply. "Voldermort killed my parents…my godfather…friends, and many others. It's one of the reasons I kept my feelings for you, to myself for so long. I was afraid of what he might do if he ever found out, exactly what you mean to me. I thought the anger he caused me, was the worst I could ever feel, but I was wrong,"
"Why?" she asked.
"The worst anger I've ever felt went through me today, when I Steven's throat in my hand. I've never wanted to inflict physical pain on anyone, as much as I wanted to on him," Harry's voice didn't hold one ounce of remorse.
"I thought you were going to kill him," Hermione's voice was so quiet, she was almost whispering.
"I wanted to," he admitted. "I scared myself. All I had going through my head was, what he said about you, and how he said he was going to treat you. It brought out a side of me, that I didn't know I had."
"What brought you back to reality?" she questioned softly.
"You," he answered. "You always do," he squeezed her hands, that were still laying against his chest, gently. "You're the only part of my life that makes complete sense."
Hermione felt a tear slide down her cheek, and looked down. Seconds later, she felt a wave of confusion wash over her when Harry suddenly dropped her hands, and walked away from her shaking his head. He stopped with his back toward her, and raked his hands through his hair. Hermione could tell by his body language that something was bothering him deeply.
"Harry what's wrong?" she asked concerned. His head only dropped towards the floor in response. Hermione walked toward him, cautiously put her hands flat against his back, and then leant her forehead against the base of his neck. Closing her eyes, and breathing in the scent of him, she asked him again. "What's wrong?"
Harry raised his head when the warmth from her being so close, started to radiate through his body. "I wanted to kill him for hurting you, for making you cry. For causing you pain."
"That doesn't sound so unreasonable," she said softly.
Harry shook his head, and sighed. "How can I hate him, for doing the same thing I did?"
Hermione kept her hands and forehead against his back, but opened her eyes in alarm. "I don't understand."
"I caused you pain. I'm not meant to do that. How can I judge someone, for the exact same thing I'm guilty of?" he said sadly.
Hermione immediately realised what he was referring to, and started to rub small circles in his back. Hermione knew he would beat himself up for it for the rest of his life, she had no intentions of punishing him for it forever. When he said what he did, she was devastated, and at the time thought that she would never be able to forgive him. But Ron was right, it was said in the heat of the moment, and he didn't mean it. She slapped him for the same reason. Heat of the moment. There had been so many misunderstandings, and mistiming in there quest for a romantic relationship, it seemed laughable. Right now Harry was there, pouring his heart out to her, and she would be damned if she was going to let him go. Nothing had gone the way she had imagined it, apart form Harry being the first one to say the magic words. That was something she needed from him, and now she had it. This was what she wanted.
"I know you didn't mean it," she said soothingly. "It's ok."
Harry glanced a little to his right, "I admitted to intentionally hurting you, how are you suppose to forgive that?"
Hermione went completely still, and for the first time in months, she allowed a genuine smile appear on her face. "Because I love you," she said softly.
Harry slowly raised his head upwards, not quite believing what he just heard. Just as he was about to ask her to repeat what she said, Hermione slid her hands slowly down his back, around his waist, and spoke again, "I always have, and I always will," her hands met across his stomach, and she hugged him tightly.
Harry closed his eyes in relief, and lone tears fell down each cheek. After a moment he started to grin widely, and began wiping away the tears with his fingers. Regaining composure, he stopped when he looked down, and saw Hermione's small hands resting against his front. Still smiling, he slowly covered them with his own, and instantly felt a tingly sensation shoot through them. "So this is what it feels like," he said, nodding to himself.
Hermione raised her head from his back, and looked up at him curiously, "What does what feel like?" she asked.
"Being in love," he answered softly, whilst playing with her fingers.
Hermione smiled even wider, and thought it to be so cute how interested he was in her fingers right now. She bit her lip, "Are you going to turn around?"
Harry looked up, froze, and all of a sudden went very shy. Hermione took her hands from around his waist, and he slowly started to turn around. Their eyes finally met, and beneath both pairs was total understanding. There was a lot more to talk about, more apologies to be given, to be accepted, and explanations to be heard. But for right now, being in love, was all that mattered to them both.
Harry reached up, and cradled her face gently with his hands. She smiled when he started caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. Hermione wrapped her arms around his waist, and pulled him even closer. Leaning in toward her, he closed his eyes, and captured her lips in a soft kiss. The moment he kissed her, he doubted anything could ever feel as good.
Hermione was feeling much the same, she was in heaven. After years of waiting, she finally had him in her arms, making her feel as though she was walking on air. Harry's hands left her face, as he completely engulfed her in his arms, not once breaking the kiss. Hermione slowly slid her hands up his back, and grasped the tops of his shoulders. She parted her lips, and Harry traced his tongue over hers softly. Losing herself in the sensations Harry's exploration was causing, Hermione found her hands start to explore his back. They roamed all over, and it was impossible not to notice how toned Harry was. He felt under her fingers, as though he was carved out of granite.
"Mmm," she moaned in approval.
Minutes went by as if they were seconds, before they finally pulled back for air. Without letting go, their eyes flickered open and they gazed at each other smiling. Harry let his forehead rest against Hermione's.
"That was…I mean…there are no words," he stammered.
Hermione chuckled. "I know exactly what you mean."
Harry sighed happily, but then all of a sudden his eyes widened, and his face started to go increasingly red. It wasn't long before Hermione's face followed suit, only instead of going red, she went on to bite her lip, and giggle softly. At the same time, they both slid off of each others forehead, and glanced down between them.
They disentangled themselves, and broke apart reluctantly. Harry still couldn't look her in the eye, he walked a few steps backward and turned round.
Hermione put her hands on her hips and grinned. "Very impressive," she said trying her best not to laugh.
Harry threw his hands in the air, and then smacked them against his face. "This is so embarrassing," he said blushing. "Hermione, I am so sorry, whatever must you think of me?"
"Will you please turn around?" she said laughing. "You're being ridiculously cute." Harry dropped his hands down to his side, and shook his head. Hermione approached him, "Are you planning on hiding it away from me forever?" she asked him playfully.
Harry laughed, "Have you got any idea how much worse you're making this?"
"Harry there is nothing to be embarrassed about," she said seriously. "Its just unfortunate for men, that their reactions to being turned on are much more noticeable." She crept around him, and saw a huge grin on his face. "You're not the only one that got…flustered." she said breathlessly. She was looking everywhere but Harry's lower region.
"I'm so sorry," Harry said, again.
"Will you stop apologising? It's fine," she assured. "I know that you would never take advantage of me, and I know that you respect me above all else."
"I'm so glad your back," Harry lovingly stroked her cheek.
"I haven't exactly been myself lately have I?" Hermione covered Harry's hand with her own.
"We've both been guilty of that." said Harry "Hermione, there's still a lot that I need to tell you, to explain. And there's stuff that I want to know too.
"I know," she moved her hands to his chest, and grabbed handfuls of his shirt. Looking in to his eyes, she saw nothing but love. "We do need to talk," her arms reached up, and looped around his neck. "And I think now is as good a time as any. It would be best to get everything out in the open."
"I think you're right," Harry agreed. "But then again you usually are," he said with a grin.
"You have to promise to be honest with me," she said seriously. "You have to tell me what's going on in that head of yours, and you have to stop hiding things."
Harry nodded. "I love you Hermione."
She leant in and kissed him softly on the lips, pulled back, and rested her hands on his cheeks "I love you too."
Before he started to well up, he cleared his throat loudly and sniffled. "Ok well…I know that when I turned up at Steven's, you were suppose to have dinner. Are you still hungry?" he ran a hand through her hair.
"I was in the middle of dinner when you showed, I didn't get to eat that much of it, so yeah I'm still pretty hungry." she said. "Although I have been to work, and I really fancy a shower."
Harry through his head back and groaned. "I just got it to go down." he exclaimed.
Hermione laughed and covered her mouth with her hands. "I'm sorry."
Harry looked back at her, and smiled. "Yeah you sound real sincere." he said sarcastically. "Look why don't you go get in the shower, I'll stay out here and make you dinner, and as soon as you come out we can talk about…stuff."
Hermione looked taken aback. "You want to make me dinner?"
Harry gave her a strange look. "Erm yeah. I'm quite good at it, and besides you've been at work today."
Hermione wanted to cry. "You are so sweet."
"Yeah I know," he grinned. "Look go do your thing, and I'll make your favourite."
Hermione grabbed him by the shirt, and crashed her lips onto his in a bruising kiss. Harry reciprocated with every thing he had. He greedily attacked her mouth with his, pushed his tongue past her lips, and started a duel with hers. As Hermione gently bit and sucked on his lower lip, Harry felt his erection straining so much against his jeans, it was becoming downright painful.
He broke away from Hermione, and pointed in the direction of the bathroom. "You have got to go. Now." he said in a comical voice.
Hermione giggled. "I'm going, I'm going." she gave him one last quick peck on the lips, and went to take a shower.
When she was out of the room, Harry reached down, and grabbed his crotch. There was only one way he was going to get through the evening, but he would have to be quick. As soon as he heard the shower start to run from the bathroom, he sprinted to his bedroom. Harry knew that Hermione always spent at least 15 minutes in the shower, she was never one to rush, so he had enough time to deal with his current situation. With all the things he had running through his head, he knew it wouldn't take him long.
Sure enough minutes later, with one final hard shuffle of his cock, Harry came harder than he ever had before. Images of a naked, wet, Hermione in the shower had worked a treat. Harry took a tissue from the side of his bed, and wiped up the creamy liquid that had literally shot out of his dick. He couldn't help but feel a little ashamed, but he had no idea how to control himself around her. Of course at school he got erections, which adolescent boy didn't. But now as an adult, Hermione was the only woman who could get him as hard as a rock. He cleared his head of his thoughts, and put the tissue in the bin. Tucking himself back into his jeans, he returned to the kitchen.
After thoroughly washing his hands, he started to prepare dinner for Hermione. He knew they had a lot to discuss, but the main thing was, he loved her, and she loved him.
About half an hour later, Harry had set the table for two, and even put candles out. There was a bottle of wine in the fridge, and dinner was almost ready. All he needed now was Hermione. While thinking of anything else he could've missed, Hermione walked into the room, fresh from her shower. When she saw the scene before her, her heart melted.
Her slight gasp caught Harry's attention. "Hi." he folded his arms.
"Hi." she walked closer to him.
"Feel better after your shower?" he asked.
"Much better thanks." she looked at the table and back at him. "This looks cosy."
"Yeah I thought so." he pointed to the candles. "I know its not quite dark yet, but that's romantic, right?" She bit her lip and smiled at him. Harry sighed heavily. "Hermione look… I'm no good at this ok? I haven't done the romantic thing before, so I don't..," Harry was cut off by Hermione.
"Harry relax, its actually one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me," she said.
"Really?" he asked sceptically.
"Really," Hermione confirmed. She threw her arms around him, and gave him a tight hug.
Harry kissed the side of her head. "Dinners almost done, so you sit down and I'll go get it.
Hermione sat at the table, and waited for Harry to join her. They had one hell of a talk ahead of them.
AN: I hope this chapter didn't disappoint, and that you all found some enjoyment out of it. Will update as soon as I can. Bye for now.