AN: Hi there, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've had a few problems that have took over my life this past month. All is now well, and I'm back in the flow of things. I only hope that the good people who have read and enjoyed this story are still interested. This chapter isn't particularly long, I just wanted to post it so that you know that me and my story are back. Enjoy!
Just One More Thing
Chapter 6
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Swallowing her last morsel of food, Hermione slowly put her fork down on her plate. Wiping her mouth with her napkin, she turned to Harry, who had been staring at her at her for a while now. He was leaning on a propped elbow grinning at her. Putting her napkin aside, she gazed lovingly at him, "That was absolutely delicious Harry." Leaning forward, she lay her hand on top of his free one, and started stroking it gently.
"I can see that," he said, looking down at her empty plate. "You're very welcome.
Hermione took a small sip of wine with her free hand. After placing the glass back down on the table, she glanced at Harry nervously. "So I guess one of us should start."
"You go first," he slipped his hand from underneath hers, grasped her fingers softy, and started stroking her knuckles.
"You sure?" she asked.
"I'm positive," he nodded. "Ask me anything you want."
After a few moments of silence, Hermione resigned to asking the question that had been on her mind for so long. "So…why did it take you so long to tell me…that you love me?"
Harry thought for a moment before answering, "It took me a really long time, years, to admit it to myself, let alone admit it to you." he said softly. "I saw it…as too much of a risk."
Hermione looked at him curiously, "Exactly how long, have you…felt this way?"
Harry took a deep breath, and released it slowly. "I don't know, when, exactly. It's hard to put it to a specific timeline."
"Try," she said. She loved him with everything she had, but Hermione refused to make this easy for him.
He shook his head and looked down briefly, then straight back at her. "Sometime in school."
"7th year?, 6th year?, when?" Hermione's voice raised slightly.
"More like 3rd year," he said.
"3rd year?" Hermione repeated incredulously. "You liked me since 3rd year, and you never said anything."
"How could I?" he asked quietly.
Hermione took her hand from his, and stood up. "You open your mouth and you speak."
She took both empty plates from the table in her hands, and walked over to the kitchen. She placed them in the sink, and turned on the water, letting it flow until the basin was full.
"Hermione," she heard the sadness in his voice, and turned around to see him still sitting calmly at the dinning room table. "Please."
She didn't join him at the table, but instead decided to stand, and lean against the back of the sofa. "So, explain," she said tightly, and crossed her arms.
Harry made a promise to Hermione earlier, that he would be totally honest with her from now on, no more hiding, no more secrets. He intended to keep it.
Harry moistened his lips, "You know that, I didn't know my parents that much…only what I was told about them, and after that… I managed to find a way to love them, even though they're still somewhat strangers to me. I lost them," Harry leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands tightly together. "I only knew Sirius for a couple of years…I loved him, and I lost him too." Harry stared up into Hermione's eyes. "My life seemed to have…a not so nice pattern when I was at school, especially when it came to the people I loved."
Hermione felt tears start to pool in her eyes, but somehow managed to keep them from falling.
Harry stood up, and closed the distance between them slightly. "I couldn't…allow myself to love you," he said quietly. "I couldn't be seen…to care. If he was to find out…," he trailed off. "Losing my parents and Sirius, I survived that, barely," he took another step closer to her. "Losing you…I wouldn't be able to survive that. I didn't even know how long I was gonna be alive for, so it's not like I could've offered you anything."
Hermione shut her eyes tightly as she began to weaken, and the tears cascaded down her cheeks. She knew that the ongoing war with Voldermort dictated most of his life, and she understood that, but what about after he was killed. He still hadn't said anything.
"What about after you killed him? Why didn't you say anything then?" she asked in a whisper.
"I felt unable to measure up…to what I felt you deserved in life. To disappoint you, would crucify me. So in the end, I just kept quiet." Harry scratched the back of his neck, "We got this flat, all got jobs that we adored, and everything was going great. I thought that would be enough."
Hermione wiped her eyes furiously, "What made you realise it wasn't?"
"The minute you said you were getting married," he said sadly, "My heart broke in two." Hermione continued to stare at him. "I thought that…if I saw you everyday, knew that you were happy, it would be enough."
"But I wasn't happy," said Hermione sadly. "I was miserable."
"Well I realise that now." Harry grimaced. "I've never been good when it came to timing, and I am so sorry that you had to go through what you did, although you never really elaborated on it."
Hermione shook her head in disgust. "I can't believe I put up with it for so long!"
Harry narrowed his eyes. "Hermione, he never…hurt you physically did he?"
"God, no nothing like that," Hermione assured him, causing Harry to blow out a sigh of relief. "I'm just so angry with myself."
"Why?" he asked.
"Harry, I completely lost my identity with him."
Harry cocked his head to the side, and gave her a comforting smile. "Hermione, sometimes in life, things happen to us that makes us do things we wouldn't normally do," he raked a hand through his hair. "It's easy…to get lost in what's going on around you, to try and ignore things…pretend they're not real. And it's easy to not see what's right in front of you, no matter how long its been there, be it a problem…or person. You're back now, that's all that matters." Harry started to grin. "I wouldn't want you to change a single thing about yourself."
Hermione chuckled. "That's my line."
Harry smiled at her. "I thought my heart was gonna burst out of my chest when you first said that to me, in the café."
"I meant it," Hermione started to well up again. "I love you." She managed to get out the sentence just barely, before breaking into hysterics. Harry hated to see her cry, and cautiously wrapped his arms around her/and let her sob into his chest.
Sometime later, they found themselves on the sofa. Harry was lying on his back, with Hermione lying on top of him. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the other hand stroking her face. Hermione had her hands underneath his shoulders, hugging him tightly, her head against his chest, and was being increasingly soothed by the rhythm of Harry's steady heartbeat. She had never felt so peaceful.
"Hermione?" Harry broke the silence.
Hermione smiled at the sound of his voice. "Hmm."
"You know…you never actually told me what he did to you, how he treated you.," Harry kept stroking her face.
Hermione felt his heart start to beat a little faster, he always got on edge whenever they discussed Steven. "There's nothing really to tell," she lifted her head up, and looked up at him.
"I thought we were gonna be honest?" he raised his eyebrows.
Hermione placed her head back on his chest, and left it a while before speaking, "He made me hate myself," she said softly. Harry's hand stopped its administrations to Hermione's cheek. "When I first met him, he was so friendly. I remember that Neville needed help with some research at his lab, I never could say no to a friend who needed help looking through some books." Harry smiled down at her, "He introduced us, Steven worked in the lab across from him, and Neville said he was a tip top guy."
"So he had Nev fooled too huh?" Harry started to flow his hand through Hermione's hair gently.
"We got talking and I found him to be really interesting. We liked the same things, and got on really well. At the time he made me feel as though I was the only woman in the world, even though we were strictly platonic for like 4 months, he made me feel special. Then he asked me out on a date." Hermione felt Harry's heartbeat thud even harder if that was possible, and lifted her head to gaze into his eyes. "I felt as though you were slipping away from me all the time…so I said yes," Harry let her continue. "The first few weeks were fine, then everything changed. He started to take me to these herbology functions, I never understood why until now, he needed my name, not me." Harry could feel the anger start to surge through his body once again, but Hermione found herself going on. "I would go over to his house after work, keep in mind that he invited me for dinner, and when I arrived he asked me to cook it! Didn't matter that I'd been to work all day and he'd done sod all!"
Harry traced a finger down her nose. "That bastard never cooked for you?"
Hermione shook her head. "No."
"I should have killed him for that alone," Harry then looked as though he realised something. "I thought you looked way too appreciative when I offered to cook for you."
"It's things like that mean so much." she said.
"Really?" he asked sweetly
"Yes," Hermione leant forward and up, to kiss him softly on the lips. She settled back down against him, laid a hand on top of the other, rested her chin on them, and looked up at him. When she started to smile, Harry had a concerned look pass over his face.
"Hermione, there's something…I want to ask you, and its fine to tell me to bollocks." he said stuttering.
"What is it darling?" Hermione asked softly.
"Well the thing…" Harry stopped short, Hermione called him darling. He smiled widely.
"What are you smiling at?" she asked amused.
"You called me darling."
Hermione looked a little worried. "Do you not like it?"
"No I love it, just surprised me a little that's all."
"Why?"
"No one's ever had a pet name for me like that." he said grinning.
"You've had pet names before." said Hermione.
Harry laughed. "Yeah…'Boy who lived'…'Chosen one'…'Git'…and my personal favourite, 'Scarhead', they're not exactly terms of endearment Hermione."
Hermione crept further up his chest. "So I can call it you then?"
"I'd be disappointed if you didn't from now on," he said shyly.
"Ok then, darling," she giggled. "Oh and by the way, the answer is no."
Harry looked confused. "What's no?"
"That thing you were going to ask me before," she flicked a piece of her hair out of her eyes. "The answer's no, I didn't sleep with him."
Harry was flabbergasted. "How…did you know, that's what I wanted to ask?"
"It was a little obvious darling, getting all nervous and shy," she said rubbing his chest softly. She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.
"I had no right to ask…" Harry stopped when Hermione raised her hand to silence him.
"We agreed to be totally honest with each other from now on didn't we?" Harry nodded. "Besides, it's a conversation I think most couples have at one stage or another," Hermione leaned in closer to him. "You are my boyfriend now, which means you can pretty much ask me anything and get away with it."
Harry closed his eyes in pure bliss, and inhaled Hermione's scent. "I love the sound of that," he opened his eyes to see hers staring right into his. "I'm your boyfriend, and you're my girlfriend." she smiled, gave him a lengthy soft kiss, and snuggled back into his chest.
Harry wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her forehead. "Mmm," Hermione moaned, and clutched him tighter. "I could stay like this forever."
"Me too." Harry agreed.
"I've never felt so safe before," she added.
Harry kissed the top of her head. "I'm glad," he whispered. Hermione closed her eyes and sighed in content, only for her mind to wonder yet again.
"Harry?" Hermione asked innocently.
Harry grinned, he knew what she was asking, the same thing he asked her earlier. "No." Hermione jerked her head up in surprise, looked at him, and narrowed her eyes. "Hermione I swear I'm telling you the truth."
Hermione's face relaxed, he seemed real sincere and they had promised to be completely honest with each other. But she just found it so hard to believe. "What never?"
"No, never," he replied. "Just never felt right."
Hermione raised herself up, so that she was straddling his legs, and put her hands on her hips. "But you let me believe that you were some sort of player, what about Jay? And Kate? You basically rammed them down my throat." she said in a confused voice.
Harry propped himself up on his elbows. "Look I don't feel good about it, but it was just me trying to make you jealous ok. I'm sorry baby." he took one of her hands and kissed it.
Hermione was staring into space with a dazed look. "Baby?" she smiled to herself and looked down at her boyfriend.
"Its my lame attempt at a pet name," Harry winked at her.
"I like it, but there is still some stuff I would like to know." she took a deep breath. There was one thing she still needed him to tell her about, and that was what happened between him and Kate. Even though she knew to some degree what happened, the rest of it was something that needed to come from him. "Have you ever come close?" she asked.
Harry took his weight off of his elbows and leaned back against the sofa arm. Clasping his hands across his stomach, he spoke, "Very close…once."
"When?" she asked.
"Hermione it doesn't matter, nothing happened." he started to rub her forearms with his hands in a comforting motion.
"I just want to know who it was, and why you didn't go through with it?"
Harry's hands dropped on top of her thighs, "It was Kate, we were pissed, and couldn't go through with it"
"Why?"
"Hermione, I wish I could say it was because I kept seeing your face…and kept thinking about you which I was, but I just physically couldn't. do it. My body wouldn't respond to anything, and even if it did, I may have stopped it, I don't know." Harry gave her thighs a gentle squeeze. "It would have been a huge mistake."
"Ok, I guess people who are drunk can do some stupid things." she shrugged.
Harry raised himself up so that he was almost at eye level with her, and leant on his hands. "A guy who had just been introduced to the love of his life's dick of a boyfriend, then got pissed out of his mind had the ability to be 'incredibly' stupid."
Hermione smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Thank you for telling me." she kissed him soundly on the lips, and pulled back slowly. "There was never anyone before Steven either."
"Really?" he asked sweetly. "I guess if I don't fuck up, its something we can learn together."
"I'm so glad that I waited." she smoothed a hand down his cheek. "But I'm…pleasantly surprised that you did."
Harry smirked. "Things aren't always what they seem after all."
"At least this way you wont know how crap I am at it." she laughed nervously.
"On the contrary, I've never known Hermione Granger be crap at anything," he beamed. Harry took one of the hands he was leaning on, and started stroking her back.
"Except with my taste in men right?" she said sadly, and looked down a touch.
Harry carried on stroking her back, and bent his head down just under Hermione's chin, to get her to look at him. "Which just got a million times better." he assured, and waggled his eyebrows.
Hermione laughed, and kissed him lovingly while he leant further forward, and put his other arm around her tightly. Hermione let one hand move up to cradle his head, the other stroking his neck. She let her head fall back in bliss, and moaned in appreciation when she felt Harry's lips venture to her neck. He continued to work his mouth along her neck, and felt himself getting more and more aroused,.
"Oh Har…" Hermione stopped mid sentence, and Harry froze. She brought her head forward, and looked at Harry, who had wide eyes and was breathing heavily.
He met her gaze and smiled at his grinning girlfriend. "Not again."
Hermione felt the bulge growing harder underneath her, "It feels nice," she whispered.
"Its actually quite painful for me," he said with a strangled voice.
"Is it something you would want …with me eventually?" she asked.
Harry looked perplexed at her question, "Of course its something I want with you…when you're ready. How could you think I wouldn't?"
Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "I just didn't want to be presumptuous."
"Hermione, Your sitting on the evidence, I'm absolutely crazy about you."
Hermione felt as though a weight had been lifted, he did want her that way, "I won't make you wait too long I promise."
"You can make me wait a long as you want. I'd wait forever for you." he said softly
Hermione leant in and kissed him, as she pulled back she whispered, " I love you."
"I love you too Hermione," he replied.
End Of Chapter 6