A/N: Hey everyone. WHOOT! Back for round three! Yippee…alright, I'll be posting both censored and uncensored chapters here, so there you go. I was going to just do it in livejournal, but unfortunately, the posts are much to long and I would have to have about four per chapter…I don't \have the patience. So here it is: on Portkey. Now-that does not mean I've converted to H/Hr, Ron/Luna, or D/G.
Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.
Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 1: Of Lies and Shagging
Date Begun: Tuesday, June 1, 2004
Date Finished: Tuesday, June 1, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22, 2005
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
Sir Walter Scott (1771 - 1832), Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.
……
"Shift over a bit, Lils."
Lily complied and moved over to make more room for Vincent in the closet. He resumed snogging her, this time pushing her up against the door. Lily felt the rough texture of the wood scratch her bare shoulder and opened her eyes, seeing Vince's nose and his pale lashes. Her eyes shifted to the side, where her shirt had slid from her shoulder and was handing halfway down her arm.
"Mmm," she mumbled after a moment, pulling away. "It's getting late. I'm tired."
He glared, disappointed. "Come on, Lily-"
"Vince," she said teasingly, running a hand up his arm. He growled and leaned forward to kiss her again. "Stop!"
He laughed, coldly amused, making her shiver. Occasionally he could do that. "Why do we need to stop, Lily, hmm?"
"Well, you've got to get down to the Slytherin common room and I've got to walk all the way up to Gryffindor!"
Vincent snorted, showing his low tolerance for most Gryffindors. Lily hit him on the arm and pressed her ear against the closet door. The action exposed her neck and Vincent took the opportunity to kiss it. She hunched up her shoulders at the tickling and opened the door quietly, pulling her shirt up her shoulder as she did so.
They crept slowly into the hallway. They came together for one more quick kiss goodnight, which turned into another all out snogging session, this time in the open. Lily broke away again and smiled sweetly, sauntering down the hallway and pressing herself into the shadowy corners. It would not do to be caught by Filch. As soon as she turned the corner she dropped her swaying, upbeat walk and slumped against the wall, simply resting for a moment.
She was exhausted. She was sick and altogether tired of play-acting for Vince and catering to his whims. If she had anyone else to go to she would leave him in a moment.
A noise down the hall startled her and she looked up, her hand going immediately to her wand. She saw nothing and she looked around wildly, knowing not to let it go. If she heard something, she heard something, and therefore something was there. There was no allowance for mistakes when wizards like Voldemort were beginning to gain power and overshadow the wizarding world.
A rustling sound came from behind her and she gasped, trying to turn but hitting something solid. Light, cool, silvery fabric fell over her face, smoothing her hair down and pressing it against her mouth.
"Merlin. Stupid, you're going to lose the lead I got for winning against Slytherin."
Lily squirmed and James Potter let go of her, grabbing her wrist to keep her from leaving the sanctity of his cloak, although why it was so special she did not know.
"Are you trying to get us caught?" he hissed, pulled her back towards him. "Filch just passed me!"
"Potter-"
"Sh!"
In any romantic comedy he would have clamped his hand over her mouth and she would have realized her undying love when his touch sent sparks through her body. Instead, he settled for yanking a section of her hair and pressing his other hand against her neck so she could hardly breathe. Lily tried not to choke as Filch turned the corner and headed straight for them. To her abject surprise, he passed right by them, muttering about James Potter and-and knickers?
They waited until he could no longer be heard and then James let go of her neck. He pulled off the cloak and touched his hair ruefully. "What are you doing up, Evans?" he asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence. "Gallivanting around with Malfoy?"
Lily stiffened and glared at him. "It's none of your business what I do with Vince-"
"Don't say his name, please," James rejoined tartly. "And it is my business when you walk around the halls alone at three in the morning. It's not safe, even in the castle. And-as Head Boy-I'm rather honor bound to protect the students."
She gave him a withering look and turned on her heel, heading back to Gryffindor Tower. "You know," she called back, turning to face him with her arms crossed, "as Head Girl, I have the right to not be protected by the likes of you. I don't really need your protection, and there's nothing to be afraid of." She turned from him again and did not hear him make a reply.
All the same, she stayed in the shadows and did not feel completely safe until she was back in Gryffindor Tower, with the chill of the December night chased away by the fire.
……
Lily Evans was considered a bit of a joke in Gryffindor. This probably had everything to do with the fact that she
was dating a Slytherin, Vincent Malfoy, and nothing to do with the fact that she did not like her housemates very
much.
Vincent Malfoy had first asked Lily out in her sixth year, and, as she found out later, on a bet. She had been disinclined to get mad at him or be bothered by the fact that her first date had been based on a dare, and this had apparently piqued Vince's interest. The rest, as they say, is history. Despite the fact that Lily was Muggle-born, and Vince was wildly opposed to the mixing of pure and dirty blood, he was dating her.
It was the most insane arrangement. Lily herself had not been sure of it to begin with, but here she was, after a year's relationship with Vince Malfoy, the first anniversary of which was coming up in a month. Even James Potter and Remus Lupin had tried to talk her out of dating Vince, but James had fancied her at the time and Remus was a rather strange boy, so she did not heed their advice.
She was quite happy she hadn't.
Vince wasn't the nicest or most noble boyfriend, but he was magnetic. Everything about him pulled her in; he overwhelmed her, and sometimes not in the best way. Sometimes, the feelings she got around Vince would clutch her heart so hard she could barely breathe. He never stopped; he never waited, everything moved quickly.
And yet…they had not slept together.
There was no denying Lily's physical attraction to Vince. While sometimes he sickened her with his views on people lacking pure-blood, and even though his laugh scared her, she could not help but want him to touch her. She was probably the only person in her year who was still a virgin, and while she really had no qualms about losing her virginity, she still had waited. She always wondered what that meant. Did it mean that secretly she wanted to remain a virgin? Did it mean that quite possibly, she did not think Vince was the right person for her to be with?
Lately, Vince had been pressuring her. She reckoned she was about to cave, despite the fact that she thought her feelings for Vince were changing. Lately, when he touched her…she felt nothing. There was no rush of excitement, no infusion of passion. She knew she had to run with what she had, but she could not help but think that the relationship was going to fail.
Lily woke the morning after her escapade and stretched like a cat, flopping down on her bed and sighing. It was the day before Vince was supposed to leave, because the Christmas Holidays began the following day. Lily was staying at Hogwarts this year; her parents had gone to Sweden and Lily had begged off, mostly because she did not want to watch her sister and Vernon making googly eyes at each other.
Lily rolled over and dropped to the floor, lying there for a moment and gaining a look from Elizabeth, the girl in the bed next to hers. She got up with a groan and trudged into the shower, letting the steaming hot water dissipate her aches. Her first class of the day was Potions, which, while she had it with the Slytherins, who respected her slightly because she was dating Vince, was ruined because she was partnered with Sirius Black. It was, however, the last day of their two-week long partnership.
She got out of the shower and stepped into her skirt and pulled on her school shirt, shrugging into her robes and trooping down to breakfast. She brushed past James Potter, who made a chilling remark, and rolled her eyes. She sat down at breakfast alone, reading the Daily Prophet and steadily demolishing a piece of toast with a small amount of butter on it. She frowned at the latest attack on Muggles and set the paper down with a sigh. The bell rang, signaling the beginning of class.
The potions dungeon was freezing and she pulled on her dragon hide gloves, her teeth chattering. She waited for Vince in between the two clusters of students, one of Gryffindors, and the other of Slytherins.
He finally appeared, his blond hair windswept and his clear blue eyes especially sharp. "Good morning, Lily," he said formally, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek. Professor Hamilton opened the door and they stepped into the dungeon, taking their seats. Lily avoided looking at Sirius and instead stared at the board, where a set of instructions for the Photograph Developing Potion were written. She turned to Sirius and frowned.
"Something wrong, my darling lovely house-traitor?" he asked good-naturedly.
Lily could not help but smile. For some inexplicable reason, being teased by Sirius about betraying her house did not bother her. This was probably because he himself had betrayed his own family by being sorted into Gryffindor. Lily had learned this from his younger brother, Regulus, who was a year younger than Sirius and Lily herself. Regulus was the only sixth year Slytherin she ever spoke to, albeit with clipped words, because their exchanges were normally caustic and biting.
"Nothing's wrong," she responded, sounding like a frigid bitch. "This potion's just hard and I'd rather not suffer through it with you."
"Touché," Sirius said acidly. "If it's any consolation, I don't want to work with you either. I'd much rather work with Prongs-that is, James."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "That buffoon?"
"Yes, that buffoon, who is, as you well know, Head Boy to your Head Girl," Sirius pointed out, gathering ingredients and beginning to slice them. He started the heat below their cauldron and filled it halfway with water. He threw in sliced marigold roots and then added a large handful of belladonna, following it with a beozoar to counteract the poison.
Lily rolled her eyes and glanced at James, frowning. He was most patiently helping his potions partner, Elizabeth, slice her roots-and Elizabeth was not even that pretty.
She must be putting out, then, Lily thought, ignoring Potter and turning back to her potion.
……
"Why won't you shag me, Lily?"
Lily sighed tiredly. "Not this again, Vince."
"Answer me," he snapped, and she glared at him.
"Don't talk to me like that," she retorted, rolling up her finished Transfiguration essay and sliding it into her bag. He almost always got short with her when this subject came up. Normally he apologized, but today he just waited impatiently for a response. Lily took her time.
"I never said I wasn't going to `shag you', as you so eloquently put it," she said, settling back in her chair.
Vince kicked at her chair leg. "Well you're waiting a bloody long time."
Lily merely zipped up her bag and began to clean her quill.
"Are you still a virgin? Merlin and Agrippa, Lily! I knew you were a prude, but to still be a virgin at seventeen…are you just embarrassed?"
"I'm not a virgin," Lily heard herself reply, lying through her teeth. "I'm just as experienced as you are! Just…not as much of a whore."
He took no offense. They both knew the number of girls he had shagged and abandoned was higher than the number of candles on Lily's mother's last birthday cake. "You're not a virgin?" he asked incredulously. "Who'd you lose it to? When?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "That isn't important," she said loftily. "If you must know, it was on the train last year. And for the rest of September after that."
"And who was it?" he questioned angrily. "I'm going to go blow his bloody head off for touching you-"
Who to say, who to say? Lily thought, looking around the nearly empty library. Someone Vince never talked to, someone she hardly spoke to-whom to pin the loss of her virginity on?
"Potter," Lily blurted out desperately, catching sight of him in the corner with his friends. "It was Potter, and it was before we went out."
"Potter?" he asked incredulously. "That prat?'
"It was just sex," she said dismissively, inwardly wailing. Stupid, stupid stupid! How was she going to explain her way out of this one?
"So you're pretty experienced then," he said slyly. "Potter's worse than I am when it comes to being a whore."
"Yes," Lily replied, keeping her voice even. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit!....
"So…tonight we can…?"
"After the hols," Lily said quickly. "That way…we don't have to wait to do it again. Since you know…we're both so good at this and we'll just miss each other if we shag tonight."
Vince raised an eyebrow and Lily winced as Sirius Black let out a loud laugh. Vince heard him and turned, a malicious grin slowly taken over her face. Lily knew he didn't believe her, but he wouldn't actually go up to Potter and ask-would he?
Vince began to move towards their table. Lily gasped and stood, but in an instant Vince was at James's table and the four previously laughing boys had gone silent. Lily hurried up behind him and motioned towards James, trying to get his attention. He looked at her and frowned.
"Your girlfriend is having spasms," he said coldly, leaning back in his chair. "It's disturbing."
Lily made a face at him and stopped her jumping jacks.
"Is Lily a good shag?" Vince asked suddenly, and Potter gaped and made a quick movement, then promptly fell out of his chair. The other three boys just stared at him.
"What are you-?" Sirius began, but Lily stomped on his foot and he shut up.
"Potter, I asked you a question. Since you decided it would be okay to shag my girlfriend on a train last year-is she any good?"
James struggled to get up from the floor, staring at Lily like he had never seen her before. She nodded her head and he threw her an exasperated look, giving the slightest shake.
Oh, God…I'm so fucking screwed!
He opened his mouth and then shut it, staring at Lily's dejected expression. "Er…she's great."
Lily stared. Sirius stared. Remus gaped. Peter squeaked.
"Great sex," Potter said coolly after he regained his poise, his eyes flicking from Lily to Vince. "Amazing sex, in fact."
Vince smiled icily and turned away in a flurry of black robes, ignoring Lily, who was staring at James, gobsmacked.
The four boys stared at Lily, who gulped and stared defiantly back.
"All right, Evans," said James hotly, standing up and pressing his hands flat onto the table, his eyes blazing. "What the flying fuck was that?"
Oh, hell. What did I just get myself into?
……
I've officially left fanfiction.net. This is where I'm posting this now…but after our new site is up, I'll be posting over there. Really, it's going to be AMAZING. For updates on what's going on and new about how the site is going, visit:
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=thegreatbreak
Join the community, read the intros, introduce yourself-remember to FLOCK!...
--Sarina
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