Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.
Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 12: Of Apologies and
Collapses
Date Begun: Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Date
Finished: Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22,
2005
If I've done anything I'm sorry for, I'm willing to be forgiven.
Edward N. Westcott
……
Recap:
But she could not stop. She craved this. She craved it with James Potter, no matter how mad it was.
She moaned loudly and pulled him closer by his hair, shivering when his mouth brushed the hollow of her throat.
"Please…" she said raggedly. "I need…"
James seemed to know exactly what she needed. He moved closer to her and buried his face in her neck as he hurt her in such a way that she had never been hurt before. She knew that she was weak and she was crying but James breathed hotly onto her neck, his moan vibrating through her body. He was shaping words against her skin but she had no idea what they were, only that this was killing her and it was taking forever-but it was starting to feel good, feel better, feel amazing…there were so few words Lily could find to describe what she felt at the end of that night-ecstasy, thrill, bliss…but it was James and it was just him and she was so utterly confused by what she could be feeling. It hurt to move and James tried to make it better afterwards but there was nothing he could do except lightly stroke her back and let open the window a little so she could see the stars and feel the frigid breeze on her skin, like a drop of cold water on the hottest day of August. He pulled the heavy covers up over them and made sure she fit tightly against his body before his breathing lulled her into one of the most contented and restful sleeps of her life.
……
Lily woke the next morning to the feeling of sunlight playing on her face. She opened her eyes and immediately shut them, wincing at the slight headache she had. She rolled onto her other side and buried her face in James's chest, breathing deeply. He smelled like sweat and…something else she could not quite place. She shivered and pressed closer, trying to pull the blanket up over both of them. She bit back a cry at the pain that assaulted her whenever she moved, for she was still incredibly sore from the previous night.
It had hurt terribly, much more than she thought it would. It still hurt to move, but she looked up at James and the shadows his dark lashes made beneath his eyes. She swallowed hard as a forbidden feeling of affection welled up in her chest. She blinked then it was gone. She sighed, relieved. Lily felt her face flush red and she stretched like she had seen her old cat do. James groaned and curled around her, breathing into her hair. He stirred again and his eyes blinked open for a moment before he focused on her.
"Morning," he said easily.
"Morning," Lily replied quietly, not sure how to act.
"What time is it?"
How casual he was…how little awkwardness there was. It was strange in a way, but not, Lily thought, bad.
"Seven," said a muffled voice. Lily gasped and looked up, her eyes shooting to the mirror, which was still thankfully covered with James's shirt. "Just because I couldn't see you doesn't mean I couldn't hear you, dearies," the mirror said cheekily. Lily bit her lip and bowed her head, mortified.
James laughed, though, and then pulled the covers up around them, holding her tightly. "Hello," he said cheerily, his face right next to hers.
"Hi," she said weakly.
"We should go home."
Home. Right. She nodded. "All right."
"You want to shower?"
She didn't really, but she supposed she should. "Sure."
"You go first."
She hesitated before steeling herself, rolling out of the bed and walking into the bathroom, naked, feeling his eyes on her the entire way. She shut the door and leaned against it, breathing heavily. She turned on the water in the tub and looked around, glad to see a stack of towels on the sink.
She bit her lip and stretched, aching all over, but in a good way. She felt…satisfied, as if all the frustration that had built up over the past week had finally been unleashed. She was actually quite giddy. So giddy, in fact, that she did not notice the tub overflowing.
When the water began to seep over onto the floor she gasped and turned off the tap, but it must have been old, because the handle came off in her hand with a grating sound and fell into the swirling water, which was still being poured in by the tap. She tried to cover it with her hands and got sprayed with water instead. Lily sputtered and spit some water out, now furious. If the bloody tap was so bent on her destruction, could it at least avoid getting her wet?
She winced at the pun, even though it was in her mind, and made a sound of fury.
"Evans?"
She whirled at the sound of her surname and slipped, falling to the ground and shrieking at the feel of cold water on her skin. James burst through the door in his boxers and stared at her, his eyes wide. He went back into the room and came back with his wand, and then stopped the water with a wave. "I'm going to get in trouble for that, Evans," he pointed out. "Not supposed to use magic outside of my house. What are you doing?"
She fished the tap handle out of the tub and stood shakily, handing it to him. "It broke."
"Reparo!" James said, and it was good as new.
Lily fervently wished she had her wand so she could curse the smirk off his face.
"Okay, so I think I'm pretty clean now," she said in disgust, flushing when his eyes trailed over her body.
He considered her, looking like he was hiding a smile. His eyes twinkling, he said, "I think I like you wet."
Lily's jaw dropped and she stepped back as he entered the room. "Um…"
"Well you can't expect him to not say things like that."
"I don't think I'll be drenched in water when I'm around Vince," she retorted.
"You're drenched in water around me," he remarked.
"Well you're different," she snapped. "I'm not dating you, am I?"
"No," he said quietly, "you're not. And thank Merlin for that. Maybe you should get dressed now."
She pushed past him, trying her hardest not to touch him. How come every time they argued he came out on top? She remembered a towel and heard the splash of water before the door to the loo slammed shut behind her.
She dressed herself in the clothes from the previous day and wrenched the door open, stomping down the stairs and past Tom at the bar, who looked at her in surprise but said nothing. She walked out into the courtyard and into Diagon Alley, which was still decorated in Christmas glory. It was bustling even at this early hour of the morning.
She needed a present for Mr. Potter, and one for Vince as well. She needed something for everyone, and it was ridiculous to do her shopping on Christmas morning.
With a frown, she began.
……
Half an hour later, she had a gift for everyone in her family plus Vernon Dursley, as well as a cheap but interesting-looking book she had picked out for Remus. Vince was taken care of, and she had picked up something for James's dad.
She was passing by Eyelop's Owl Emporium on her way back to the pub when she stopped and put her hand on the door handle, hesitant. Should she…?
James had told her during their walk in London that he had had a pet Kneazle before, one who had died of old age, and he had never had a pet since. Perhaps…
She stepped into the dusky shop and looked around. She bypassed the owls, knowing that James had one. She looked at Fwoopers, Puffeskeins, and countless other pets, but found none suitable. She stopped in front of the Jarvies, which were chattering on at high speed. One, however, was silent, burrowing its head in the wood chips that made up the floor of its cage.
She signaled over the clerk, who came to her with an engaging smile.
"Happy Christmas," she greeted, and Lily returned the sentiment with a smile before looking back at the cage.
"What's wrong with that one?" Lily asked, pointing to the snow white, silent Jarvey.
The shopkeeper stopped smiling. "Never talked. Not once. Doesn't even socialize. I've tried to sell it for its pelt-look at that beautiful white-but I can't get any real offers. It's only two weeks old, but Jarvies start talking the second they're born. I think it's mute or something-not a word!"
Lily watched with interest as the Jarvey raised its white head and looked straight at her with intelligent black eyes.
"I'll take it," she said resolutely. "Is it female? Or male?"
"Female," said the clerk. "Are you sure you want her? There are much better ones-"
"How much?"
The shopkeeper hesitated. "Five galleons."
"Three."
"Done."
Lily handed over the gold and waited until the Jarvey was put into a traveling cage. She left without another word and bought some wrapping paper, sitting at a table to wrap it up. She left a slit for air and felt bad about leaving it in the dark, but she needed some way to hide it from James. She had bought food as well, along with water, which she had place in with the animal.
She went to the Diagon Alley Post Office and sent off her gifts to her family so they would arrive at her home (plus Vernon) and her gifts to Vince and Remus by express mail. She hefted her packages for the Potters in her arms and trekked back to the pub.
James was downstairs when she got there, fully dressed and sipping from a bottle of…water? Yes, it was water, not vodka, or whatever the Wizarding equivalent to vodka was.
"You're back. Good. We've got to leave. Here's the key. You can go get your stuff if you want."
Lily was taken aback by his coolness but took the key from him and got the nightgown and the package with the shawl. She brought them back downstairs and slammed them on the table next to James, who was peering at the wrapped traveling cage with interest. "Is there something alive in there?"
Lily shrugged. "How are we getting back?"
"Floo. What is that?"
"What's floo?"
"Through the fireplace. Now what's in that package?"
Lily gently took it off the table and gathered her things in her arms. "Let's go."
James frowned. "Are you hiding something from me?"
"Can we please just go? We're going to be late."
James sighed. "Fine. But I'm going to find out what's in that package."
Lily could not resist smacking him upside the head. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his skull and grimaced, then glanced at her. "Oh, and Lily?"
So they really weren't back to surnames.
"Yes?"
He smiled, almost shyly. "Happy Christmas."
She found herself smiling back. "Happy Christmas, James."
……
"James, dear! Are you-oh. Hello, Lily." Sabia's voice was completely neutral and she gave Lily a bland smile that betrayed nothing of her real feelings. Her husband, who walked in behind her, settled an arm around her waist and gazed at Lily impassively. It was obvious that he had been told what Lily had said to Sabia.
Lily resisted the overwhelming urge to gulp. "Happy Christmas, Mrs. Potter. Happy Christmas, Mr. Potter."
"Happy Christmas," James said after Lily, hugging both his parents. His mother closed her eyes and held him to her tightly. She mumbled something to James, who gave her an extra squeeze and then let go. "Presents," he said cheerfully. "And I'd better have enough."
Mrs. Potter laughed weakly and nearly fell into a chair. She looked exhausted. Mr. Potter took of his cloak and eased his wife's off her shoulders. He removed her shoes and set them aside.
James had started the fire earlier and had opened the shades to let in the light. It was beautiful outside-crisp and white and breathtaking. He handed both his parents presents-presumably from him, and took one himself. Lily picked up the present she had gotten from her parents, her sister, and perhaps Vernon Dursley, which had come via the owl she had sent off earlier that morning.
They each tore into their presents. James's sprayed ink all over his face and he yelled something violent about Sirius, causing his parents and Lily to laugh. Lily herself had received twenty pounds and cloth enough to make a dress, or a set of dress robes, in a stunning cobalt blue color. She did not see what James's parents had received from him.
She opened a present from Vince that he had given to her before school let out-it was a pendant engraved with a lily. The pendant itself was green, the engraving silver. Lily sniffed at the distinct Slytherin-ness of it all and set it aside, pleased all the same. To her utter surprise, she had received something from Rebecca Rookwood, a girl in her dorm whose twin brother was a seventh year Ravenclaw. It was a silver box, round and about the size of her hand, and written on the top were these words:
Cave virum cum capillo niveo
Cave plusculus donarum dabi
It was Latin-but Lily didn't know any Latin except for spells. It was nothing to her. She opened the box and took
out a piece of paper, marvellign that girl she hardly knew had sent a gift to her.
Dear Lily,
I don't know what this is. I think I had it made-though I don't remember ordering it. But when I touched it, I knew it was for you.
Love from,
Rebecca
Lily shrugged, slightly creeped out, and set the box aside. She had two gifts left-one from James's parents and one from Remus. She was glad she had gotten something for Remus, or she would have felt very awkward. James and his parents were still happily opening their presents.
She opened Remus's and smiled. It was a book: Dark Spells and How Not to Get Sliced Into Too Many Pieces to Find and Bury, or An Advanced Guide to Thwarting Those Bastards Who Use Dark Magic.
James's parents had given her a gold bracelet, this one with an L on it in curly font. The L seemed to move, shimmering with its own light in the daytime. She set it aside reverently and looked at James's parents, who were exchanging gifts. She was so intent in her watching of them that she jumped when James tapped her on the shoulder and handed her a gift.
She accepted the package from him and the twisted to the side and handed him the wrapped traveling cage. He was flushed-much like a little boy, and his eyes were gleaming happily. His smile was infectious, so much so that Lily grinned widely back at him. He ripped into the traveling cage and Lily watched, somewhat enchanted.
"Whoa…" he said quietly, looking at the Jarvey. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had stopped unwrapping and were watching. "Wow…Lily…this is…this is really…"
"It's demented," she blurted. "I mean…it doesn't talk. It's supposed to-and it's a runt…it's too small…it's not-"
"It's great," he said. "It's really amazing. Look at the white color…I don't care if it doesn't talk…look at her eyes. It's a she, isn't it?"
Lily nodded, hardly daring to hope that he would like it so much…
"Hedwig," James proclaimed. "She'll be Hedwig. Thanks, Lily." He smiled at her and she smiled back slightly, not meeting his eyes. She reached out a hand to stroke the strange Jarvey's head, and James caught her fingers in his own and squeezed. Lily trained her gaze on the floor and refused to look at him, refused to like him.
Mrs. Potter cleared her throat and Lily snatched her hand back as if she had been burned, ignoring James and tearing open his gift. They all watched in silence as she opened the box to reveal something plush and blue and white and gray-she pulled it out and it fell open, revealing a dressing gown made of the softest material she had ever touched-showing mountains and rocks and the ocean and a very blue sky. It was incredibly realistic.
There was a heavy pause.
"Thanks," Lily said breathily, and hating herself for it.
"You're welcome," he replied, his voice just as soft.
She stood quickly. "Mrs. Potter…can I…talk to you? Privately?"
Mrs. Potter nodded and got up from her chair, walking slowly over to Lily, almost as an old woman might. Lily picked up Sabia's package, which was still wrapped in brown paper, and followed her into the dark corridor, closing the door behind her.
"I'm really sorry," she blurted, shoving the package into Mrs. Potter's arms. "I'm so sorry. You've got no idea-I shouldn't have said anything to you because you're right about it all. I shouldn't be sleeping with James-"
"I didn't say that," interrupted Mrs. Potter mildly, but wearily. "I just said to be careful-to be sure you know what you're doing-"
"And I do," Lily said fervently. "You're quite possibly the sweetest person I know, Mrs. Potter-so if you don't accept this apology I'm just going to die…"
"You can call me Bee," said Mrs. Potter. "And of course I forgive you-even though I'm not that sweet. But that's what my name means in Gaelic, you know. Sweet. Clark calls me…never mind."
Sabia was swaying, but she did not seem to notice. She began to rip open the package and she pulled out the shawl, gasping. Lily felt something warm inside her stomach-she was doing the right thing-but then Sabia turned ash white and stumbled-
She crumpled to the ground with a moan of pain, and Lily stared at her, immobile, taking in a sharp breath before running for James and Mr. Potter.
……
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=thegreatbreak
Join the community, read the intros, introduce yourself-remember to FLOCK!...
--Sarina
-->