Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.
Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 5: Of Questions and Quiet
Love
Date Begun: Sunday, June 6, 2004
Date
Finished: Sunday, June 6, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22,
2005
It's hard to describe a relationship like theirs to people, because most of us were raised to think love is fire, passion, and prolonged bouts of giddiness and strained emotions. The quieter kind of love looks kinda boring on the surface, even cool-hearted. Nobody wants that at first. Some people never learn how wonderful it is to be friends with a lover or spouse, to know that here is someone you can be yourself around, and they will love you anyway, sometimes not in spite of your worse characteristics, but because of them. That kind of lover will stay with you through thick and thin, will make you feel valued always, and will make any disastrous occasion seem less so because you are with that person.
--Tamora Pierce, on why Alanna chose George instead of Jon.
……
Recap:
He caught her wrist and slid his hand up her arm. "Don't get short with me, Evans," he warned, drawing circles on her upper arm and send shocks down her spine. "You asked me to do this-so I'm doing it."
She nodded, strangely close to tears.
"Good," he said, his voice less harsh, and he let go of her arm. Utterly spent, she crawled into her bed and pulled the covers up against the chill of the evening. She did not have the energy to find her discarded jumper.
"Goodnight," he said.
Lily did not respond. She pulled off her bra and let it drop to the floor so it did not bother her anymore. The first sob came unexpectedly, but was mercifully silent. She wiped her eyes and curled up in a ball, staring at the wall as the lights dimmed and they sped through the English countryside, and she cried simply for no reason at all.
……
He was kissing her more roughly than he had the previous night. His hands slid under her shirt and he undid her bra-easily and with no hesitation whatsoever. Lily lifted herself off the bed slightly to make it easier for him and she shivered.
"James…" she said softly, for the first time in her life calling him by his first name. His hair was a delightful texture in her hands, messy and altogether irresistible.
The kisses stopped. "What did you call me?"
Lily's eyes shot open and she saw James-whose hair was slowly turning blond and settling into order, whose frame was lengthening slightly and becoming less lean. Last, his glasses disappeared and his eyes became a cold blue. "V-Vince?"
"Yeah," he growled. "Why did you just say Potter's name?"
Lily stared at him, wide eyed. What was he doing here?
He reached out his hands and grabbed her, shaking her hard by the shoulders. "ANSWER ME!" he roared.
"S-s-stop," she stuttered out.
"Lily," he hissed, but it was James's voice, not Vince's. "Lily! Wake up!"
Lily woke with a gasp, as she always did when startled, and rolled over, her arms flailing. She hit something solid and heard a pained "Oof!" somewhere to her right. She looked around wildly and struggled to sit up. Her eyes finally focused on Potter, who was sitting on the floor.
"Did you just call me Lily?" she asked incredulously. "I don't think you've ever done that before."
He frowned. "Well you said `James' in your sleep, so I figured I'd return the favor."
Lily refused to be embarrassed.
"Evans…" he said hesitantly, and Lily wryly noted that he had returned to her surname. "Has Malfoy ever hit you?"
She threw her toothbrush (the only thing she could find) at him. It missed him by three feet-even though he was only sitting two feet in front of her-and he raised his eyebrows. "If Vince ever dared to lift a finger against me-I'd dump him on his arse so fast he'd have a bruise for a month. That is, if I can find him with my nonexistent aiming skills."
James stared at her blankly. "So you saying his name and telling him to stop in that scared little voice while I was shaking you was just…"
"Subconscious hatred towards you," she answered sweetly. "I was just dreaming of him, that's all."
"And saying my name?" he asked, his eyebrows going up even more.
Bastard, Lily thought.
"Fuck you," she said out loud. "I can say whatever I want in my sleep."
James shrugged. "Suit yourself. We're almost there. I'd say we've got about five minutes."
Just then, the bus stopped with a BANG and James grabbed the headboard. Lily, however, was not so practical and she flew off her bed again, hitting the floor with a thump and whacking James hard in the stomach. He doubled over and groaned.
The bus began to move again. "Next stop, Godric's Hollow!" Stan's voice said, reaching them easily up the stairs. "Five minutes up there!"
Lily looked around to make sure no one else was on the top floor. There was only one man snoring away in another bed. All the other beds had been converted to large, squashy armchairs.
She brushed her teeth and changed while James did the same. They were packed and ready to go only two minutes later, Lily having skirted around him to avoid contact. James merely smirked at that.
"Okay. So you're just a sad friend of mine who can't go home for the holidays. That's it. That's the story. My parents won't be home all that much because they work for the ministry, so we'll mostly have the house to ourselves until Sirius comes. Are you staying for both weeks?"
Lily nodded. Her parents were not home and while she loved being at Hogwarts with so few people, she did not relish being home alone for a week.
"That's fine. We've got the annual Holiday party we host for the Ministry, of course, so if you don't have anything to wear we'll find something. It's very possible Malfoy will be there, actually."
Lily shifted. Having James and Vince in the same room with her was uncomfortable enough when she had not slept with Potter. By New Year's Eve, she would have. Her excuse for being there would have to be perfect and sensible, or Vince would murder her and hide her body in the snow.
"And-Evans…if you both can't wait-leave my house before you shag. I don't want him naked anywhere near the vicinity of normal people-least of all me-" James face contorted into the most amusing expression Lily had ever seen. It almost made her chuckle, but she caught herself because James could not be allowed to say things like that about her boyfriend.
"Shut up," she said firmly.
She felt the bus slowing down and grabbed onto James who looked at her in surprise and latched his hands around the headboard again. The stop was especially bumpy, and while Lily was fine, James hit the headboard hard and the metal cut into his forehead, just above his eyebrow.
Lily made a sound of annoyance as they got to their feet, spotting the blood. "You're hopeless," she said, and he made a face at her, gingerly touching the cut.
"Happens all the time," he said ruefully. "My mother will fix it for me."
They got off the bus and James led her up a walkway lined with pretty flowers (magical, probably) that shone out against the white snow. Their destination was a modest two-story house with dark blue shutters and cream clapboarding. He tapped the door with his wand and the tip glowed bright blue. James pocketed it and opened the door.
"I'm here!" he called loudly. "I've brought a friend!"
"You didn't tell them I was coming?" Lily hissed, her face flushing. To have his parents look at her and not want her there, ruining their holiday…
James flapped a hand at her carelessly. "They won't mind."
Lily heard quick footsteps on the stairs and a brown-haired woman appeared. She spotted James and threw herself at him. James steadied her and laughed, kissing her on the cheek. "Hi, Mum."
James's mother was youthful. She was thin-almost too thin, as if she had recently been sick, and her face was rather pale. She had James's eyes. There was nothing extraordinarily pretty about her; in fact, she was rather plain, but she shined with confidence that made her seem ten times more beautiful than she was. Lily was shocked by James's affection. She could not picture him being affectionate with anybody.
Unless he was snogging them on a bed. That was affectionate.
"Well," James's mum said, looking up at her son, who was about four inches taller than her. "You're bleeding. Hit your head on one of those iron headboards, again?"
James winced. "As always. Mum, this is Lily Evans. She's my friend and she's staying with us."
James's mother raised her eyebrows and the resemblance between her and her son was uncanny. "James has never brought a girl home," she said with a hint of a smile, leaning forward and hugging Lily as well. Lily felt awkward; the only person who had ever hugged her were her parents-and her father not even that often.
"Mum," James said, rolling his eyes. "Evans is just a friend."
"Evans, is it?" his mother asked, confused.
"Well, call her Lily. I call her Evans. She calls me Potter. We've got sort of a love/hate thing going-as in platonic love, Mum, don't give me that look!" he said exasperatedly.
"Well, Lily," James's mother said, turning to her with a nice smile. "call me Bee-short for Sabia. I'm Irish," she said, by way of explanation. She looked at Lily's red hair and freckles. "Are you Irish?"
Lily nodded. "My dad's Irish. He caused quite a stir when he married my from-a-good-family English mother."
Mrs. Potter laughed. "Of course. Well, let's get you set up in a room!"
She led Lily upstairs to a long hallway that could not possibly fit in the house as it looked from outside. She opened a door and Lily set her travelling case down inside, catching her breath. It was done in varying shades of blue, all beautiful, all relaxing. A gorgeous mirror with an etched design hung over a dresser with a vase of fresh flowers on it. "It's wonderful."
Mrs. Potter beamed. "Oh, come downstairs. James's father should be home any minute." She led Lily back downstairs and into a kitchen painted in green and white. "So-are you in Gryffindor as well?"
Lily nodded. "Same year."
"So you know Sirius, Remus, and Peter?" asked Mrs. Potter, setting out a plate of cookies and some tea. Lily took a cookie and nibbled at it, not sure what the taste was.
"I know of them," she settled for saying. She did not really want to lie to this energetic woman and say she was good friends with the three of them.
James entered the kitchen, his cut gone and only a slight pinkness to show where it had been. "Is dad coming?"
There was a slight pause, in which both Sabia and James looked at Lily. Mrs. Potter nodded. "He should be here in a moment." She flicked a glance at Lily. "I'm afraid to say we won't be here very often. With everything that's going on with You-Know-Who…it's hard to keep up with work. We've got to work double the time and we'll probably be out for Christmas Eve. I'm sure you'll find something to occupy your time with."
Lily flushed. James again rolled his eyes.
The front door opened and a moment later an extremely tall and rather attractive man walked into the kitchen, his messy head of hair just brushing the lintel of the doorway. "James," he said, looking pleasantly surprised. "I thought you were getting here later."
The energy in the room was suddenly charged, almost overwhelmingly so. Lily looked at Sabia Potter, who was steadily washing the dishes in the sink and not looking up, while James avoided his father's eyes. Lily wondered at James's relationship with his dad.
"Nope, right now," James replied, going over and hugging his dad. "This is my friend…Lily. Lily Evans."
Mr. Potter held out a hand and Lily shook it firmly, instantly liking this man who smelled like paper and ink. "Clark Potter," he said, by way of introduction.
"Lily Evans," Lily replied.
"It's good to meet you, Lily," Clark Potter replied, letting go of her hand and going over to his wife. James sidled up next to Lily as she watched them. Sabia's back was stiff; Clark's posture was slumped.
"See? I told you they wouldn't mind," he whispered.
Lily looked on as Clark say something quietly. Sabia shrugged jerkily and slammed a dish down on the counter. Clark said something again and a small smile appeared on Mrs. Potter's face. James's parents laughed over something as Sabia relaxed. Clark touched her waist briefly and they exchanged a look-a strange look only lovers can share when they were really in love.
Tosh, Lily thought. There's no such thing as true love.
But watching James's parents, it was hard to think there was not.
She glanced at James, simply because looking at his parents was too much for her at that moment. He was watching her, bemused.
"Did they meet at Hogwarts?" she asked, after an uncomfortable silence.
James cocked his head to the side, thinking. "Well…they met there. But they really started dating after. They were in the same year though. My mum was in Slytherin, actually. She was one of the nice ones. My dad was in Gryffindor."
Lily frowned. "What a strange union."
James laughed. "Have you forgotten that you're going out with a Slytherin, you house traitor?"
Lily shook her head. "That's different."
"How so?"
"Because…because we're not in it for the long run. At least, I'm not. I'm not going to marry Vince. I doubt I'll marry anyone I know at Hogwarts."
James shrugged. "We'll see. Anything else you want to ask?"
"Yea. How formal is your New Year's Eve party?"
James paused. "Extremely. Wear an evening gown."
"I'll have to go buy one."
"I'll introduce you to some girls in the Hollow," James said. "Anything else?"
Lily shook her head, once more watching James's parents and their quiet love.
……
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