Unofficial Portkey Archive

Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.

Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 23: Of Bruises and Sorry Boys
Date Begun: Saturday, January 08, 2005
Date Finished: Sunday, January 16, 2005
Date Posted: Monday, May 02, 2005

……

[Cheek to Cheek, by the Starting Line]

……

The next morning, Lily was sitting at Gryffindor table with Rebecca when she caught sight of James down the table. He held her gaze with a glare until Lily looked away, tugging down the sleeves of her robes and shifting uncomfortably. Needless to say, she was not feeling very comfortable in her own skin at the moment. She ached all over, even in her head. Sleeping with Vince had been the worst quick decision she had made in her life, but she knew that it was entirely necessary.

"Are you okay?" Rebecca asked, worry tainting her voice.

"Yes," Lily replied, snapping back to reality. "Yes. I-I'm fine." She glanced down at James again and saw him speaking to a red-headed girl she recognized as Millie Weasley. She was undoubtedly Bill Weasley's cousin.

"Are you listening to me?" Rebecca asked impatiently, still with an edge of anxiousness. Lily looked back at her and flushed, suddenly feeling bad that she was ignoring Rebecca so much.

"Sorry-I'm a bit…preoccupied."

Rebecca smiled grimly, flicking a glance over at James. "Is that what they call it these days? It's a little more like blatantly staring at your ex-lover."

"Shh!" Lily said immediately, looking around to make sure no one was in earshot. No one was paying attention. She and Rebecca sat in the subsequent silence for a full two minutes before they were interrupted.

"How are you this morning?" drawled Vince's voice. Lily whirled around and he took a seat next to her, shocking her. He drew looks of hatred from all the surrounding students and Lily quite suddenly felt more out of place than she ever had before. It did not help when Vince kissed her, not seeming to notice the way she was rigid against him. He pulled back and sighed. "Well. Not as welcoming as I'd hope. Did you…are you alright-from last night? I might have been a little too eager. But you seemed to like it."

It looked like it pained him to actually say worried words to her, but Lily managed a small smile. "It was lovely," she told him, brushing her hair behind her ears. Aside from the fact that she had not climaxed the night before and her nerves were totally shot (she could not, as James had suggested, do it herself-it never seemed to work properly), she was perfectly fine. Her bruises were only superficial and could be explained easily.

He was being untruthful about something, she decided, looking at him. There was a strange sense of something being off, something wrong. It did not disappear, even when she forced herself to think that Vince was really just being his normal, sketchy self.

"Good," Vince said, and then he took her toast from her plate and meticulously began to eat it, somehow managing not to drop a crumb.

While he was not paying attention, Rebecca seized Lily's wrist and lifted her sleeve. Imprinted on her pale skin were five, finger-shaped bruises.

"What are those?" Rebecca hissed in Lily's ear, glaring at Vince, who remained oblivious.

"Nothing important. They don't even hurt." Lily drew her arm away, pulled down the sleeve of her heavy robes, and skillfully avoided Rebecca's eyes.

Several people, whether they were curious or concerned, had asked her whether Vince abused her physically. The simple truth was that he did not-or, better put, he could not. Vince had been brought up in a household that was surrounded by rigid ideals and a deep sense of honor, even if that honor stemmed from a disgusting and prejudiced idea. Lily knew that he had been taught by his father to never, ever hit a woman, under any circumstances. This was one of the reasons Lily had so much trouble believing he could rape about thirteen girls in four years.

However, Lily knew that he had been taught to never hit a woman who was worth talking to, and he did not consider Muggles worth anything. This disturbed her and she stopped reflecting, worried that her mind would dredge up some idea that would make her do something stupid.

Vince had finished and was staring at her impatiently. Lily realized he had said her name several times. "Oh. Yes?"

He rolled his eyes. "Lily-pay attention."

Rebecca snorted. Lily sighed and pushed some scrambled eggs around on her plate.

"I forgot to ask," Lily said, interrupting him. "How did you spend the rest of New Year's?"

Vince stopped talking and met her eyes steadily, a slow smile taking over his face and a crazy glint in his eyes. Rebecca's breath caught and Lily slid her hand back to calm her friend down. This was something new, something Lily had never seen before. "I had a lot of fun," Vince said smoothly, his eyes wide. Lily fought to keep her breathing normal.

"Um…I…well…Lance Weasley's dead!"

Something so pleased flashed in Vince's eyes at that moment that Lily felt like throwing up. Then it was gone and the guarded gaze was back. "Oh? Who told you that?"

"It was in the Prophet three days ago. They found his body in Berkshire," Rebecca cut in quietly. "That's quite near your home, isn't it, Vince? You live near the border of Wiltshire and Berkshire, don't you?"

"Are you accusing me of something, Rebecca?" Vince asked, a grin on his face.

"Would I dare, Vince? I'm just saying…you might have seen something. Since you live so close. There might have been someone you recognized that might have killed him."

"Might have been you," Vince said airily. "After all, I heard the sounds from my brother's room that night-and Narcissa was most definitely not there. Were you in the area as well? I saw your brother that night."

Rebecca flushed and Lily bit back a gasp of indignation. Rebecca gained her composure back and smiled. "Might you be calling me a whore, Vince? That's what it sounds like."

"I would never," Vince said, giving a little bow. "But you had best keep your pretty little clairvoyant head away from the subject of Lance Weasley. Who cares, anyway? The bastard deserved to die a worse death than he did!"

His words were audible all down the table and Lily winced as half of Gryffindor turned to look at the three of them in anger. Millie Weasley got up and walked past them out the hall, turning dead eyes on Lily as if to say, How could you kiss him? She disappeared through the doors and Lily stood up.

"That's enough, Vince. You don't talk about someone who's dead like that. Let's go." She put her hands down on the table and stared into his face, then grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the hall. She led him outside into the bitingly cold air and stood, shivering, her gaze fixed on him. "You can't say things like that, Vince. You need to stop."

"No," he said softly. "Because it's true. Do you know Camilla Weasley? She doesn't seem to like you, judging by the look she just gave you."

"It's probably because I'm dating the bloke who just insulted her dead father," Lily said, just realizing that Millie was a nickname and that Camilla was her real name.

"Who cares? Another will be born. The Weasleys breed like bloody rats. Come here." He pulled Lily forward and kissed her deeply, ignoring her gasp of indignation. She was startled when he suddenly pulled away violently, and she almost fell forward when she saw James behind him, wrenching him back by the neck of his robes. A sound of protest escaped her mouth when James punched Vince right in the jaw. The cracking sound of bone breaking echoed in the frigid air.

"Stop-" she began, but she met James's rage filled gaze and fell quiet, stepping back to mutely let Vince get what he deserved. Vince was staggering backwards but he steadied himself against the castle wall and swung at James, who dodged the throw and stepped backwards. Vaguely, Lily saw blood on the snow, but she was too riveted on James and Vince to register what that meant. Vince managed to delivered a right hook to James's stomach and he doubled over, clutching at his belly and gasping for breath. In a move too fast for Lily to follow, Vince chopped down with his hand at the back of James's neck, but James darted out of the way just in time.

Christ, Lily thought, so startled she went back to her old faith. He was going to break James's neck.

"You sick little bastard," James gasped. "Take that shit you just said back-right now."

Vince stood implacably, his stance ready for another hit. "No, Potter."

Lily started to step forward but the look James shot at her was filled with such venom that she halted, unable to do anything but stare. "This isn't right," she tried, but James cut her off.

"Nothing's right at the moment," James hissed, and then he whirled, running forward and ramming his head into Vince's stomach. Vince, for all his readiness, fell to the ground with James on top of him, bucking to get the taller boy off of him. Again, Lily stepped forward to separate them, but this time sheer fear of being beaten to death by the brawling boys made her back up even further.

"Apologize!" James panted, pinning Vince's arms down to the ground. Their robes were damp and covered in snow, tangling in their legs and arms James held Vince down and Vince tried to get out from underneath him. Lily could see the muscles in both boys' arms straining as they fought against each other.

"NO!" Vince bellowed, finally overpowering James and shoving him off him. He tackled James to the ground and they grappled with each other for a hold on the other. Lily lost control of who was hitting whom, but quite suddenly, they were on their feet and Vince had his dark wand pointed at James.

"You move one step," Vince said softly, "and I'll blow your fucking brains out."

Shakily, Lily, who was still much unnoticed by the two boys, drew her own wand. She took a tentative step forward and then another when neither noticed her.

"If you ever talk about one of those poor people you killed again in front of me, I'll blow your brains out, Malfoy," James said in reply, his hands inching to his pocket. Vince noticed and his wand arm tensed. "Ah ah ah," James said quietly, still breathless. "I wouldn't curse me if I were you."

"I'll curse you all I bloody want," Vince answered.

"You better not," James stated firmly, or as firmly as he could without the ability to breathe properly. "You're going to go into the bleeding castle and formally apologize to Miss Weasley, or I'm going to have to take action as Head Boy. It's not like Evans over there will do her duty and make you stop."

Lily bristled and took another step forward. This time, she got so close both boys noticed her.

"Go away, Lily," Vince said, his eyes gleaming with a maniacal light.

"No," Lily said. "You're going to kill him, and that'll be stupid."

Almost as if she were watching from a different viewpoint, Lily saw Vince's arm tensing as he prepared to cast a nasty curse on James. At the same time, James pulled his arm back to slam Vince with his fist. Lily grabbed Vince's arm and shoved it down to stop him from cursing James, but James threw his punch and nailed Lily dead-on. He had been aiming for Vince's chest, but he hit Lily's shoulder instead

While Lily was not a delicate girl, she most certainly was not strong enough to withstand a punch from a boy who had been playing Quidditch as a Chaser much of his life. Her left arm dropped, useless for the moment, and a searing pain settled in her shoulder. She stumbled backwards and caught sight of James's horrified, panic-stricken face.

A tiny moan escaped her lips as Vince froze, shocked, before coming to life. He raised his wand and screamed something at James, but James had already rushed forward and pressed his fingers against Lily's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he managed, his hands shaking so badly he could hardly find purchase against her robes. "Damn it-I'm so sorry."

Lily pressed her lips in a tight line and tried not to cry out in pain when he explored her injured arm with his fingers. "I think it's broken," she said tersely, but he shook his head.

"No-it'll be fine with some magic from Madame Pomfrey. Shit-I'm sorry-"

Vince pulled James away by the upper arm, and the pain worsened at the suddenness of the pressure-change. Lily grabbed her shoulder and breathed through her nose. James had managed to hit her right on one of her bruises from the previous night; Lily bruised very easily, and she shuddered to think what her shoulder would look like in a few hours' time.

"Fuck it-Malfoy, I just hit a bloody girl," James said, a high, hysterical note in his voice. "Let me bloody take care of it-it's my fault!"

"Don't touch her," Vince growled, raising his wand. James gave Lily an exasperated look that she caught only out of the corner of her eye. She was too busy taking off her robe and unbuttoning the first few buttons of her shirt. It was nothing either boy had seen before, she reasoned to herself, pushing her shirt to the side and examining the back of her shoulder. The bruise was huge and dark purple, covering several of the finger-shaped bruises Vince had given her the previous night. Both boys-even Vince-winced when they saw the result of James's blow. Not looking at either, Lily leaned down and scooped up some snow, taking it in her frozen fingers and holding a large amount to the bruised skin.

James leaned closer, his brow furrowed. Lily saw his gaze fix on one of the worse bruises from Vince that was still visible. Lily shook her head the slightest bit and James curled his fingers into his palms, pressing his mouth shut and looking away.

"I'm going to go to the hospital wing," she announced. "Are you going to stay here and fight like little boys or are you going to go to lessons?"

Neither answered her and she rolled her eyes, walking the three feet or so to the front doors and slipping inside. She realized she had forgotten her robe outside and she decided against going to get it. She was afraid of what she might see.

Lily walked through the hall and attracted many strange looks for her appearance. The snow had long since melted in her hand and there was a wet patch on her shirt, which was buttoned wrong. She had no robes-and she was the Head Girl. Lily could only imagine what they thought she might have been doing, and with whom.

The hospital wing was empty when she entered and Madame Pomfrey immediately came to her. She hissed in sympathy when she saw Lily's bruises and asked no questions, although her disapproving look said everything. She muttered under her breath about irresponsibility and she tapped her wand on the bruise and then smeared on some ointment.

"It'll be sore, since you bruise so easily," the nurse explained. "It'll also be a little red as well."

Lily nodded absently and sat as the ointment did its work for fifteen minutes. Madame Pomfrey washed the sticky purple ointment off with warm water and then returned Lily's shirt, which was quite suddenly clean and pressed. Lily slid it on and winced at the soreness in her shoulder when she moved. She buttoned it quickly and paused.

"Do you think it would be alright if I stayed here for a little while? I think I had a reaction to the spell-I'm very tired all of a sudden."

Madame Pomfrey fairly burst with pride that someone wanted to stay in the hospital wing and bustled around, preparing a bed for Lily as she sat and stared out the window at the white sky. Lily got into the bed and laid back against the pillows, looking up at the ceiling and listening to the sound of Madame Pomfrey's shoes as she retreated to her office.

Lily did not think she would ever forget the feeling of James hitting her.

She ran the pads of her fingers over her sore shoulder and frowned, thinking hard. No one had ever hit her before-ever in her life. Of course, her mother had smacked her from time to time, but it was only in a disciplinary fashion and Lily understood that. No boy-Vince included, had ever laid a hand on her in such a manner before.

At least, Lily thought, he didn't mean to do it.

He had not meant to do it, Lily enforced. He did not mean to hit me. His sickened face afterwards told her that much. Lily reversed their positions for a moment. If she was a boy like James and she had hit a girl, she would want to punish herself like a house elf.

Lily had been thinking about what James had said quite a bit. She had wondered endlessly whether Vince was just using her to an end she did not foresee, but if he was, then his reaction was rather strange. He should not have cared whether James hurt her or not, but he…had. He had cared.

No, Lily realized. It was not that Vince had cared. He just did not like James touching Lily, whom he thought of as property. That was an extremely disturbing thought.

The sound of quick footsteps startled her out of her reverie. The nurse was rushing out of the wing and Lily let a small, dry smile touch her lips. "That'll be James and Vince," she said to the empty air after the door shut, and settled back so she could pretend to sleep.

Just the fact that she was smiling when she was deeply distressed made her wary, cautious of the way she was growing so jaded. Lily had never come to Hogwarts expecting to lose her innocence quite the way she had. She remembered herself as an eleven-year-old girl who was still wide-eyed with the love of doting parents. She still had that love, but the feeling of hopelessness remained.

Lily did not want to feel hopeless. Perhaps for the past year-ever since she had begun dating Vince-she had expected herself to be as cynical as him. Lily missed herself when she was fifteen years old, when she had never compromised her pride and beliefs for anything.

What had she become? How had she sunk so low? If Lily was to be honest with herself, she could safely say that she did not give a damn about Vince. She truly wished he would go away and leave her be, simply so she could have James.

Yes, she wanted James.

An ache was building in her throat. It felt like she was going to cry, but Lily knew with certainty that she would not. Her tears were blocked; she had cried herself out during her time with James. She wanted to be sixteen again. She wanted it to be late December of her sixth year, and she wanted to say `no' when Vince Malfoy asked her out. She wanted to change things-she wanted to say yes to James, to have been able to kiss him for an extra year. The weight of morbidity and death was pressing down on her chest; of course there was only so much time left. People were dying left and right, boys were fighting over horrid comments about dead people. Lily wanted her world to be simple.

Lily wanted a friend she could talk to right at that moment. She wanted to vent, wanted to cry, and wanted to be eleven and young and fresh and yes-she wanted so badly to be naïve. It was her heart's desire at the moment. Lily wanted to be naïve, she wanted someone else to make her choices, she wanted to hold on to the essence of childhood.

"Shh-you're going to wake her!"

Lily gasped and sat up, looking around and seeing nobody. Now that she had heard a voice, the presence in the room was so obvious she wondered why she had not noticed earlier.

"Who's there?" she demanded, peering into the corners and seeing nothing..

Suddenly, shimmering folds of something appeared near the foot of her and Remus Lupin and Sirius Black appeared before her eyes. Lily stared with wide eyes at the cloak in their hands and both shrugged.

"It's James's," they said in unison, taking chairs on opposite sides of her bed.

"What're you doing here?" Lily asked, staring at her hands and not telling them she already knew about the cloak they were holding. She thought she heard a strange sigh from Remus but when she looked up he had an eyebrow raised and was staring right at her. Sirius chuckled.

"We can't visit our best friend's-girlfriend?"

"I'm not James's girlfriend," Lily muttered.

Sirius waved a hand to dismiss her comment. "Girlfriend, schmirlfriend. Either way, you've been shagging and you both want to be together-dunno how that works but you make it work. Where is James, by the way?"

Lily coughed uneasily. "Er…last I checked he was about ready to introduce his right fist to Vince's chest."

Remus choked on his laughter and Sirius frowned. "Oh, dear. That could be a problem. Did you just decide to leave them to it, then? Came up here to sleep?"

Lily rolled her eyes, knowing she could never tell the truth. "I slipped and banged my arm against a rock so I came up here and left them. If they want to act like ten-year-olds that's fine with me."

Sirius snorted and sat back in his chair, crossing his legs. "Oh, Lily. You're so prickly. Do you honestly think James-James!-could let Malfoy off without even a slap on the wrist for all that shit he said about Millie's dad? Lance Weasley-I've heard about him. He's-sorry, he was a great person. James's parents know the Weasleys very well and even though James himself only knows them slightly, he still can't stand anyone talking like that. Especially Malfoy."

Lily sighed. "I know."

"Banged your arm on a rock, Lily?" Remus asked suddenly, turning away from the window to look at her.

"Yes," Lily said apprehensively.

"Dunno-there aren't many rocks around since there's about a foot and a half of snow on the ground. Where are your robes?"

Lily laughed nervously. "You sure do ask a lot of questions," she said to Remus, twisting her fingers in her lap.

"I've got this talent. I can smell that lie on you. Why really happened?" Remus paused and he and Sirius locked eyes across the bed, then turned to Lily, their faces masked in awkwardness.

Sirius hesitantly said, "Malfoy didn't…."

"No." Lily rolled her eyes. "Honestly. Everyone seems to think I'm some miserable little girl who just keeps going back for more to an abusive boyfriend. I'm not."

Relieved, Sirius inspected his nails and looked like he was trying not to smile. "James wouldn't love you like he does if you were like that."

Lily made a sound of disbelief and shook her head, flopping back against the pillows. "You never know. James isn't like any person I've ever fucking met. He's-" Lily stopped talking and shrugged, unable to find any word good enough to describe James. There was a heavy, tense silence as the three of them contemplated just what those words meant.

Remus finally cleared his throat. "So-ah-do you think James and Malfoy are done pounding the shit out of each other?"

Lily was desperately relieved that they had forgotten about her absolute lie about falling into a rock. As if on cue, the door flew open and Madame Pomfrey walked in, screeching, a stretcher levitating behind her carrying Vince and James by her side, limping.

Lily's breath hitched in her throat and she gripped the sheets as James stared at her, his right eye black and blue, his lip split and bleeding, his hair a mess of snow and blood. He was cradling his right hand to his chest and everywhere Lily looked, she saw blood.

"Mate…." Sirius breathed, his eyes incredulous. None of them had been expecting it to be that bad. "What'd you…how'd…Merlin and Agrippa-"

James clutched his side. "Bastard broke three of my ribs," he wheezed, sitting down carefully as Madame Pomfrey's shrill voice rose and fell like a brash symphony.

"…never, in all my years have I see such irresponsibility and childishness! You should be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Potter! You've been in here before but this is even worse than last year's incident…!"

James, Sirius, and Remus exchanged furtive, dark looks before averting their eyes from each other.

Lily had avoided looking at Vince, but when Madame Pomfrey set him on the bed next to her she had to look. He looked almost as bad as James. His white hair was stained red in some places and his pale white skin contrasted sharply with the darkness of his blood. Lily took a deep breath and looked away. James was across from her staring at the floor. Every breath he took was accompanied by a pained rattle that made Lily wince in sympathy.

"You just wait until I tell the Headmaster about this! You boys should be studying, not brawling on the grounds like alcoholics who drink their mornings away!"

"Oy vey," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes and the nurse began performing a series of quick spells over Vince's prostate form. Lily stared at her sheets, at her hands, the wall, the few split ends in her hair-anywhere but at James, Sirius, Remus, or Vince.

"If we have to pay to send him to St. Mungo's you'd best expect a harsh report from me, Mr. Potter! Stop breathing so deeply or you're going to puncture a lung!"

"Might have already done that," James whispered tightly. "Could I please be sick?"

"No, you may not!" the nurse cried. "Sit still! Don't move an inch or I'll write to your parents myself!"

James went so pale Lily thought he was about to keel over and die right there. Madame Pomfrey spent ten more minutes over Vince before walking briskly over to James and cutting his shirt off with a sharp pair of scissors she had in her basket. James winced as she pulled his sleeves off his arms and pressed lightly on his side. He bit his split lip so hard it started bleeding again as the nurse handed him a vial of potion. He drank it down and swallowed grimly, looking almost like he wanted to gag.

"Serves you right," Madame Pomfrey said self-righteously. She turned and caught sight of Sirius and Remus on either side of Lily's bed. For the briefest moment her mouth opened in speechless surprise, but she soon gained her voice back. "OUT!" she shrieked. "Out-out-out! Miss Evans needs rest-out!"

Sirius and Remus stood and grabbed the cloak. "Er-we'll see you, Lily," Remus said. "And-of course, you James. Since we live with you. Erm…."

Sirius grabbed his arm and, with a last look at Lily, dragged Remus out of the wing. When Lily looked up, Madame Pomfrey was advancing with a potion. "Drink this," she ordered. Lily was about to protest when she saw the look of steel on the nurse's face. Obediently, she drank it down. Immediately, her eyelids grew heavy and the world started to spin. Her last conscious thought was of James, clutching at his side and staring at her.

……

She woke to the irritating feel of someone shaking her from deep slumber. The last vestiges of sleep slipped reluctantly from her mind, relinquishing their hold as she turned over and saw James's face, devoid of his glasses, above hers. Most people's eyes looked smaller when they took their glasses off but James's were even larger. He was breathing heavily as he stared down at her and Lily sat up. Her shoulder felt much better, and she hoped it would stay that way.

With a quick glance at Vince to make sure he was still asleep, Lily looked up at James. "James-what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," he said immediately, his voice a cracked whisper that sounded painful to hear. "I'm so, so, so sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Lily said, her stomach twisting into knots as she felt him lean entirely against the bed. His eye was mostly healed and the color had gone, but he looked as tired as Lily's mother after two days without sleep. Lily looked at the distance from her bed to his and noted the way his hand was pressed tightly against his side. "Should you be out of bed?"

"I'm guessing not, considering how my ribs hurt like a bitch right now," James answered, sitting on her mattress.

Again, Lily shot a fearful look towards Vince, but he did not stir. "What…what happened after I left?"

James looked down. "I went at him," he said. "Shit, Lily-you keep on saying he doesn't hit you…but then what were those bruises on your arm?"

Lily looked up at the ceiling and shrugged. "Nothing too bad, James. It's not the way it looks. Really. Last night…I don't think he even realized…"

She expected him to be angry or hurt that she had finally slept with Vince, but he just looked and her levelly before sighing and turning his gaze out the window.

"Oh. I thought for a second-well, I went mad, I guess. I hurt him worse than he hurt me, but he was on top of me for a second and it was-Merlin, Lily, he's crazy. You should have seen the look in his eyes. It was like bloodlust." James coughed and winced, reaching out a hand and brushing it over her shoulder. She was still in her button down school shirt and he hesitated before unbuttoning the first few buttons and pushing her shirt to the side. He bent down and kissed the red skin on her shoulder, breathing hot, moist air onto her flesh. Lily's eyes fluttered shut and she told herself to pull away; she did not, too overcome by the renewed, raging desire that had not been satisfied last night.

His lips traveled up her neck and he stopped kissing her, his mouth stayed against the spot behind her earlobe. "I'm-"

"I know," Lily interrupted. Vince made a sound in his sleep and they both turned, sucking in sharp breaths and waiting. He did not wake. "Go back to your bed," Lily sighed.

James nodded into her shoulder and kissed it again. Lily wondered whether he would have a fixation with her shoulder for the rest of their lives. "Go on," she murmured, stroking his hair. He pulled away gently and smiled.

"I'm stupid," he said, his voice utterly self-deprecating.

"No, you're not," Lily corrected. "You're just unlucky. Me, as well."

"At least that's one way we're together," James quipped, struggling to stand. He managed and slowly walked back to his bed, his slipper-clad feet making a shushing sound on the stone flags. Lily ran her fingers over her shoulder as he walked, still feeling his hot breath on her skin. She shivered and settled back against her pillows, glancing out of the window. Night was upon them, cloudy and ready to burst. Lily had no doubt they would have snow the next morning.

A thought occurred to her. "James?" she called out in a stage whisper.

"Yeah?"

She did not turn her head from the window. "Was there blood on the snow when you left?"

He was silent for a long moment. Then, "Yes."

Lily strained to see outside, almost as if she could see the red on the white. She shook her head, closed her eyes, and went to sleep.

……

Lily was out of the hospital wing by noon the next day. She really had no reason to be in there in the first place and she could think of no excuse to stay. Vince was awake when she left and she kissed him very lightly before she went. James, on the other hand, was sleeping fitfully. Lily bit her lip on her way out and tried not to look back at him, hoping he wouldn't say something incriminating in front of Vince.

They had been thrown back in preparation for their N.E.W.Ts with a vengeance and Lily already had three assignments late. She ran around frantically asking for extensions, wondering how James and Vince were going to keep up. She decided not to think of either boy and did her work diligently, concentrating so hard her head began to hurt again.

Vince and James were out of the hospital wing by dinner. Lily sent a secretive smile at James, which he returned before returning to his conversation with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. In turn, Lily began talking to Rebecca.

By a strange twist of fate, or perhaps on purpose, Lily, James, and Vince all left the Great Hall at the same time. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were just two steps behind as Vince and James both paused.

"I haven't forgotten that you still need to get what you deserve, Potter," Vince said, his voice low.

"Go shag your cousin or something," James retorted, pushing past with his friends. He brushed against Lily and her nerves jumped, but she kept her face blank.

Vince gripped Lily's wrist and began pulling her down a hallway. "Where are we going?" she demanded, trying to dig her heels into the stone floor to halt their progress. It did not work.

"The owlery," he growled.

"Why?" she asked her voice still belligerent. "I've got tons of homework, Vince. We are not-"

"We're not shagging in the owlery," Vince griped. "I need to send a letter to my brother."

"What for?" Lily asked, her voice rising to an intolerable pitch. The bottom of her stomach was gone.

Vince laughed grimly, horrifying her. "You'll see tomorrow."

They reached the airy room and Lily stood, shivering. She was not dressed for the glassless room. Vince was taking parchment, quill, and ink from the generic supply stacks in the corner of the room. Looking at the mess, the rational part of Lily's mind filed the information away to bring up at the next Prefect's meeting.

Vince quickly wrote a letter, his quill slashing at the parchment in an angry fashion. Lily watched him, wondering what on earth he could be doing. Looking at the mad expression on his face, she decided she did not want to risk it. She shivered again.

Vince performed a drying charm on the ink and rolled up the parchment, whistling for his eagle-owl. Lucifer landed on his arm with a muffled thump, casting a cruel eye on Lily. Lily glared right back. She had seen Vince's owl (named for the devil) tear apart mice while they were still living and then leave them, not even consuming his kill. Vince attached the letter to the owl and whispered something in his ear. He threw Lucifer into the night and the bird took flight, his wings wheeling against the sky in a whirlwind of black and brown feathers.

"Vince, what've you just done?" Lily asked him, her voice quiet.

"Something I should've done a long time ago," he hissed, turning to her. "And if you tell anyone I just did that-you don't want to know what I'll do."

Lily swallowed hard and nodded, vowing to tell James what she had just seen.

Somehow, Lily made it back to Gryffindor Tower and got her books from her dorm so she could do her homework in the common room. She spread them out on a table and tried to work, but she looked up every minute or so to see whether James had appeared. She did not see him for a long time and was about to return upstairs when Rebecca came down from the dorms and stood by Lily's table, just staring at her.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, frowning and shutting her Potions book.

"Have you seen James?" Rebecca asked, her voice low. Her hair was mussed and her clothes were wrinkled; she looked thoroughly bedraggled.

"No, I haven't," Lily answered. "Are you alright?"

Rebecca did not answer in any way. She looked at the fire across the room. "I want to see James."

"What for?" Lily asked suspiciously.

Rebecca turned back to Lily but did not get a chance to answer. Sirius, Remus, and Peter chose that moment to enter the common room amidst a flurry of snowflakes and droplets of shining water. Sirius and Remus waved, and after a moment, Peter did as well. Lily beckoned them over.

"Where's James?" she queried, stacking her books on one side of the table.

"He's right behind us," Remus yawned, collapsing on a couch nearby. He looked around and concentrated on a chess game two fourth years were playing.

Lily nodded and settled back in her chair. Sirius and Peter took seats near Remus and began egging on one of the fourth year girls in the game. Lily rolled her eyes at their perverseness and looked at Rebecca, again opening her mouth to ask if she was okay.

After a split-second of contemplation, Lily decided not to ask, for James clambered through the portrait hole and drove rational thought from her mind. He sat down stiffly in an armchair next to the couch the other three were sprawled on, running a hand through his damp hair and sighing. He sent Lily the smallest of smiles and she felt the words she wanted to say die on her tongue. Telling him what Vince had done would be useless, she realized. There was nothing James could do, nothing James would know that could determine what the consequences of Vince's actions would be.

Rebecca stood staring at James for a full minute. She glanced at Lily and then haltingly walked over to James, stopping in front of him.

He looked up, bemused. "Rebecca? Is something-wrong?"

Rebecca tilted her head to the side and knelt before James, looking up at his face. She leaned up and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly and pulling him down to her level. A part of Lily grew jealous while another part of her screamed with terror. Something was so very, very wrong.

"I'm sorry," Rebecca said into the silent air. Startled, Lily looked around and saw that everyone was watching as James hugged Rebecca back, still looking perplexed. "I'm so sorry, James."

She pulled away and stood, steadying herself against the arm of the red chair. She looked down at James, her face a curious mixture of confusion and remorse. She turned and passed Lily, dragging her fingers lightly over some parchment before disappearing into the dorm.

Remus finally broke the incredulous silence with the question they all wanted to ask. "What the fuck was that?"

……

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