Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.
Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 11: Of Gifts and Giving
In
Date Begun: Monday, June 14, 2004
Date
Finished: Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22,
2005
Sex should be wild. Unfettered and free. We're animals, aren't we? And, basically, we're all wolves in sheep's fur. I always wanted more. Not frequency, I am not talking about frequency; although that would have been great, too. I wanted more intensity. I wanted to be out there, outside myself, outside my skin. I wanted sex to be like robbing life out of the jaws of death!
Robin Green, Northern Exposure, Goodbye to All That, 1991
……
Recap:
Lily glared at him. "There's a girl in my dorm named Rebecca who I'm friends with. I'll see you at the fucking party, okay?"
Vince stalked off without another word and Lily shut the door, drained. She heard a step on the stairs and looked up, seeing James in only his boxers.
"Oh," she said dispassionately. "It's you."
"No, it's the other bloke you've got up there that you're hiding from your boyfriend. He's a little control freak, isn't he?"
Lily was going to deny it, but Vince acted so much like a spoiled child sometimes that she had to agree.
"You just…shut up," she said lamely. "And hand me my knickers. I see you holding them." He threw them to her and she slipped into them, smoothing her skirt back into place. She looked up at him. "So now what?"
James grinned slowly. "You want to get my mum an apology present?"
……
Lily and James walked slowly through the streets Muggle London, talking occasionally and sipping from cups of steaming hot chocolate which they had bought at a kiosk down the road. Every so often they would stop outside a shop and look in, before passing by and resuming their stroll in most comfortable silence. Lily did not know about James, but she thinking about how close Vince had been to finding James with her in her bedroom. She did not feel the least bit guilty about it, for some reason, but she was terrified of what could have happened. There was no telling what Vince could have done.
"So you've really never stayed at the Leaky Cauldron?" James asked her incredulously, bringing up what they had been discussing ten minutes ago.
"Well, I've never had a need to, have I? I mean…my mum's always picked me up right after I get my supplies and I've got no friends to visit…so yeah, I've never gotten a room there."
James shook his head. "You're so very strange. Staying at the Leaky Cauldron every summer is…something me and my friends have to do every year. It's tradition. It's great. We just explore the Alleys for a week and stay there…drink…Tom loves us, I swear."
Lily shrugged and gulped down some hot chocolate. "That actually sounds like fun."
James snatched her hat off her head and tossed it in the air, catching the white scrap of fabric again effortlessly. "It's great fun," he told her teasingly, turning quickly so she could not get her hat back.
Lily gave up and let him have it. As soon as she gave up chase, he settled it back on her hair at a jaunty angle, smoothing it away from her face. Lily smiled into her cup. "So," he began. "Anything interesting?"
Lily shook her head. "I think I should just get magical presents. We can go to Diagon Alley and stay at the Leaky Cauldron, perhaps."
A glint appeared in James's eyes. "You know, you might be onto something there."
Lily's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Nope. I was kidding. Don't you have to get home?"
James shook his head and avoided her eyes. "My parents are out tonight. They'll be back by about nine tomorrow so I have to be back before then so we can do presents and such."
Lily frowned. "Your…they're out on Christmas Eve? Without you? Are they at a party?"
James sighed and threw his empty cup in a nearby trashcan. It made a forlorn clanging sound. "They're working," he said shortly.
Lily nodded slowly, her frown deepening. It wasn't right for James to miss out on being with his parents on Christmas Eve. His previously light air had gone, and now he was brooding, his hands shoved in the pockets of the coat she had lent him. Lily nudged him and smiled playfully. "Let's get a room. It's got to happen sometime."
He looked at her sharply, his eyes locking onto hers with an almost animal intensity. "Want to get it over with, do you?"
Lily paused, throwing out her own empty cup in a nearby trashcan. "Well…I just rather want to see what it's
like," she told him quietly, the sound of traffic almost drowning out her words. James tugged her closer by the
hand and watched her face closely. Lily held her breath but he merely nodded and said, "Come on. It's not far
from here."
After a brisk fifteen minute walk, they entered the dingy looking pub that many Muggles kept walking past. The air inside the pub was smoky; there was a fire roaring in the corner and people were crowded around every surface. Every stool, table, and chair was occupied. James grabbed Lily's arm-not her hand, she noticed-and led her through the mass of people until they had shoved their way up to counter in front of a man with a bright smile.
"Hey, Tom," James said. "We need…two rooms please."
Lily kicked him in the leg and he winced but did not look at her.
The man's bright smile never dimmed, it seemed. "Sorry, only got one left. And that was almost about to go, as it is. It's mad here, of course. Always is on Christmas Eve."
"That room's fine," said James. "What number?"
"Eight," the bartender replied, handing him a key. He glanced at Lily. "Will you be wanting anything to drink?"
James shrugged, toying with the key. "Send up some Firewhisky around midnight, I guess. Thanks, Tom."
Tom was already gone, pouring a vile looking green-colored drink into the cup of a scruffy looking wizard, who sent Lily a sly look, one she returned by raising her eyebrows at James. James pocketed the key and they got through the throng, going out into the courtyard and gratefully breathing in the fresh air. James tapped the brick above the rubbish bins and the archway appeared: the entrance to Diagon Alley. James led Lily through and she gasped.
It was absolutely beautiful. Lights that seemed to move hung from every shop sign and every available space. There were miniature Christmas trees all around, decorated magnificently with elaborate ornaments. Snow dusted the tops of signs and shimmered in the light from the shop windows. Its packed with people rushing to and fro, but nothing could dim the absolute brightness of the starts. Lily saw James watching her and she gave him a small smile. "It's really…"
"It's rather breathtaking, isn't it?" asked James. "Haven't you ever been here at Christmastime?"
Lily shook her head slowly.
"It's great. Come on."
And so the search for The Present began.
They looked at books ("You're apologizing, not trying to kill her with Russian classics."), at jewelry ("You're not going to bloody propose."), at stationery ("Can't you be a little more original?"), at kitchen supplies ("You're supposedly her son's girlfriend, not her seventy year old friend!")
"Well then what do I get her?" Lily asked desperately, and then stopped walking. James, who was idly brushing lint of his coat, bumped into her and opened his mouth to complain. He shut it promptly.
They were standing outside the window of an extremely small dress shop. On display was the most beautiful shawl, and it was the perfect color to accentuate Mrs. Potter's warm eyes. It was a tawny color, marked with black beads and black embroidery around the side. Small flowers bloomed and then turned into buds again at the corners. The entire thing shimmered with magic. In a haze, Lily entered the shop, distantly hearing the bell and the sound of James's voice behind her. She picked up the shawl and gasped as warmth flooded her body.
"Ah, I see someone's been chosen."
Lily looked up at the sound of the melodic voice. An old woman stood in front of her, almost a head shorter than her, with white hair that touched the floor and pointy ears. Her eyes were…purple.
"That's a very special shawl," the woman continued in her beautiful voice. "It's made from the essence of a lethifold, as well as-"
Lily dropped the shawl in horror. James caught it before it hit the floor.
"-the essence of a Patronus," the woman finished. "It chooses the buyer, you see. I won't sell it until I'm sure it's going to the right person. You've got a good reason to buy it, I suppose."
Lily shook her head. "Lethifolds-"
"Don't be silly," the woman said. "It's used to keep away darkness. It's not entirely proven what it does or how it works, and it's the only one like it in the world, but you've got a reason to buy it, so you will."
Lily was not at all put off by this speech. She obediently reached into her bag and drew out ten galleons, handing them over without another thought and gazing woefully into her bag, sad at the loss of so much money. She would not be able to buy sweets for the rest of the year to pay this purchase off.
It was worth it, if she could give it to Mrs. Potter as a gift.
They left the shop and the woman with the shawl carefully wrapped it up in brown paper, as well as the frilliest nightgown Lily had ever seen, so she could have something to sleep in. The walk back was silent and it had begun to snow while they were inside, light flakes that were rather perfect. They reached the pub and went in, thrown by the blast of noise that met them on their way up to their room.
James forced his way through the crowd-this time holding Lily's hand, she noticed with a barely suppressed grin-and up a dark staircase. He opened the door to room number eight and they entered. He shut the door and locked it, throwing the key on the dresser. There was a slight snoring sound coming from something-the mirror?
Well, that could turn out to be rather disturbing. And kinky.
Now that they were away from the smoke and noise, away from the snow outside, things were different. Lily was suddenly acutely aware of what was likely to happen tonight, in this room, and it scared her witless. She set the package down on the dresser, in front of the snoring mirror, and frowned. She took off her coat and draped it over the chair, watching James avoid her eyes.
"This is really stupid," she said, snapping the tension in the room with an almost audible sound. James grinned.
"It is at that."
"So…should we just do this?"
James nodded. "Later. After the drinks…oh, they're up here. I told him to come up at twelve."
Lily glanced at her watch. It was half-past ten. "Oh, well. Pour it. I'm changing."
She stepped into the small loo and took off everything, hesitating only at her knickers before pulling them off too. She took out the old-fashioned nightgown from the old woman's shop and she pulled it on. It was white and rather see-through, but that could not be helped.
She stepped out into the room, leaving her clothes in a heap on the floor, and James looked her over extremely slowly. Lily held still under his gaze and then met his appreciative eyes, feeling at ease for the first time that night. She sat down on the bed with him and took a glass, sipping it happily. It had been so long since that night in sixth year when she had drowned herself in a bottle of Firewhisky after Vince...don't even worry about it, she told herself.
"Is this really necessary?"
"What?"
"The alcohol," Lily asked.
"You're a lot more likely to enjoy this if you're slightly tipsy, Evans," James said quietly, chewing on his bottom lip.
He poured her another glass when she was done, hardly taking any himself. Lily's head was buzzing from the strength of the alcohol, and James poured her one more glass before setting the bottle aside. Lily was tipsy now, but she was sober enough to know what was going on. James was a smart boy; he had given her the perfect amount of alcohol to make her pliant, but not enough to get her anywhere near the point where she did not know what was going on.
She shifted and took his hands, pulling him down until his body covered hers. Lily kissed him deeply, her head swimming but the sensations ten times more intense then they had been earlier that day. For some reason, he was not as calculating this night-all the anger she had felt earlier was gone, replaced by the most indescribable feeling of…James.
She unbuttoned his shirt slowly, taking her time and trying to work her clumsy fingers. She pulled the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, throwing it to the side and seeing it drape over the mirror, glad that it wouldn't be able to see them-if mirrors could see, that is.
James broke away from her just long enough to lean down and grab her nightgown at the ankles, pulling it up to her waist. He kissed her neck gently and she moaned, arching up against him and reaching for his belt buckle. She undid it with trembling fingers.
James said nothing, as she pushed his trousers and his boxers down over his hips and then dragged her nails up his sides and onto his shoulders. James's body tightened over hers at the sensation and she leaned up to kiss him, at the same time pushing his trousers and boxers down lower, then working them off with her legs. She heard the clink of his belt buckle as it dropped to the floor and with a shock, looking down, realized that James was naked.
She stared for only a second before James ran his hands up the front of her body and up her neck, lifting her chin-and her eyes-when he tipped her head back. He kissed the hollow of her throat and suckled at her pulse point. Lily threaded her hands into his messy hair-knowing it was the one thing that was sure to please him-and sighed, gasping with surprise as he pulled her nightgown over her head in one movement.
They were both naked, now, and one thought was running through her mind.
Is that supposed to fit in me?
James grabbed Lily's hands, intertwining his fingers with hers and lifting them above her head. He gently let go of her hands, tickling his fingers down her arms, her shoulders, her collarbone. He suckled gently on her skin, his warm moist mouth focused on her upper body. She felt…insane. She could not pinpoint just what it was that she was feeling, but insanity was part of it. When he pulled away from her, she shook her head dizzily and tried to pull him back.
"Let him do what he wants," James whispered in her ear, making her jump from the suddenness of it. "Just let him do what he wants." It was his first allusion to the fact that this would probably be happening with Vince, and she snapped out of her daze and realized that James had just ruined it, whether intentionally or not.
There was nothing else she could do. She nodded to show that she understood.
"Lily…"
"Mmm…?"
"You're gorgeous."
How utterly romantic, Lily thought. Her mouth fell open the slightest bit in her own version of shocked-as shocked as she could be when James was kissing her neck like that, but she had not a second to think about it, because James's hands were grasping her hips hard. She met his eyes and then felt his hand move between her thighs.
"Oh, Jesus," she gasped. "Oh…"
He stroked her slowly, the feeling he created so marvelous Lily could not think. He was moving lazily-almost not moving at all. Lily fisted the sheets in her hands hard and pushed herself against him. He was touching her in the most intimate way possible-in the most sinful way possible…she was angry with herself for enjoying this, angry with herself for enjoying him…
But she could not stop. She craved this. She craved it with James Potter, no matter how mad it was.
She moaned loudly and pulled him closer by his hair, shivering when his mouth brushed the hollow of her throat.
"Please…" she said raggedly. "I need…"
James seemed to know exactly what she needed. He moved closer to her and buried his face in her neck as he hurt her in such a way that she had never been hurt before. She knew that she was weak and she was crying but James breathed hotly onto her neck, his moan vibrating through her body. He was shaping words against her skin but she had no idea what they were, only that this was killing her and it was taking forever-but it was starting to feel good, feel better, feel amazing…there were so few words Lily could find to describe what she felt at the end of that night-ecstasy, thrill, bliss…but it was James and it was just him and she was so utterly confused by what she could be feeling. It hurt to move and James tried to make it better afterwards but there was nothing he could do except lightly stroke her back and let open the window a little so she could see the stars and feel the frigid breeze on her skin, like a drop of cold water on the hottest day of August. He pulled the heavy covers up over them and made sure she fit tightly against his body before his breathing lulled her into one of the most contented and restful sleeps of her life.
……
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