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Lust or Love by Sarinileni
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Lust or Love

Sarinileni

Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.

Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 8: Of Shopping and Shocks
Date Begun: Wednesday, June 9, 2004
Date Finished: Wednesday, June 9, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22, 2005

……

Recap:

James nodded. "Lily, this is Catherine. Catherine, Lily."

Catherine raised her other perfectly plucked eyebrow at the way James introduced them. No doubt she was used to having people introduced to her first. Lily bit back a grin and smirked at the other girl.

Catherine nodded to Lily and stood on her tip toes and kissed James quickly on the mouth, then did the same for Remus, before turning and ambling away, raising a hand to say good-bye over her shoulder.

"Well, that just made my jolly day," Remus muttered, causing Lily to laugh, although she was staring at James and wondering what he was thinking. He was staring after Catherine, a look on his face that made Lily wonder whether he had ever been involved with her. He sighed and shook his head, then turned to Lily.

"Ready?"

……

After Lily said yes, James again turned from her and looked back to where Catherine had disappeared, not continuing or telling her where to go. Lily looked at Remus uneasily, who gave her a little smile and a shrug. Lily looked back at James.

"So I'm supposing there's no one to take me dress shopping," Lily ventured after a second.

James started and looked at her. "Oh, right. Can you do that by yourself?"

Lily rolled her eyes and nodded. "I need to find a shop first." She smiled at him, but he gave her no response.

He only sighed. "Okay. Come on. You have money?"

Lily nodded again. "I've got a hundred pounds. It's all my Muggle pocket change," she added, "for about three years."

James winced and grimaced. "Okay then. So here's the thing-men have to wear dress robes and the women are supposed to wear dresses. The feminists out there are all wearing robes now, so if you want to, you can too and we don't have to go through this ordeal."

"I didn't bring my dress robes with me," Lily said hesitantly.

James swore. "I hate shopping. Remus-you want to help her?"

Remus held up his hands and chuckled. "Not me, mate. She's all yours for this one."

Lily flinched when she heard the innuendo but met Remus's eyes squarely. "Scared of a few dresses, Lupin?"

"And proud of it," he said back, just as sweetly. "Come on. Let's go."

James dragged his feet along until they came to a small store called Kimberly's Boutique. Lily bit her lip and looked at the frilly dresses in the windows, not sure it was really her style.

James grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, causing her to gasp at the gesture of familiarity. He tugged her into the store, a little bell jingling as they stepped into the shop.

What? He's not familiar with you?

Lily flushed and avoided his eyes. "My mum raves about this place," James said to her as they waited for Remus to gather enough nerve to cross the threshold. "Don't be put off by the dresses in the window."

Remus finally stepped in and winced at the bright colors. Even though James was probably the most familiar with the store, Lily sighed and began to lead them through the racks. The front was terrible, but once they got to the middle of the store Lily grinned and pointed to two chairs near the mirror, indicating for James and Remus to sit there. They obeyed and she began to look around. The heat was blasting so she took off her cloak and her jumper and put them on James and Remus's laps, respectively. She refused to touch James, even when his eyes lingered on her chest, revealed by the tightness of her shirt.

"May I-oh, it's you."

Lily looked up and frowned. It was the girl-Catherine. She had a measuring tape around her neck and sported a nametag that identified her as the assistant manager.

"What do you need a dress for?" Catherine asked, rather rudely.

"A party," Lily answered slowly, as if she were talking to a stupid person.

"Well I'm the only person here, so if you need any help just tell me. I'll be at the till."

Catherine walked off and Lily frowned, wondering whether she had the energy to put in a complaint and get the girl fired. She forced herself not to care that Catherine was once more talking to James-and Remus-and went back to browsing. After thirty minutes, she had gathered five dresses but was quite reluctant to go into the fitting rooms, leaving Catherine to pounce on James and Remus.

"Ridiculous," she muttered. "You're not jealous."

She didn't look at Catherine and James and stepped into the rooms, throwing an apprehensive look at the two boys, who were flirting easily with Catherine. Frowning at their attitudes, she chose a cubicle and slipped into it.

The first two dresses she flung aside before they were halfway on, hating the colors once they were actually against her body. The next one was too big and they did not have it in a smaller size. She picked up one of the remaining ones, which was navy blue, and shimmied into it.

It was backless, halter-necked, and she liked the way it looked on her. She peeked out of the room and saw Catherine still standing with James and Remus, ready to drop down into James's lap. Lily bit her lip and then threw caution to the winds, stepping out of the fitting rooms and standing in the corner. Normally she would walk right up there and push Catherine out of the way, but for some reason she was nervous.

Was it perhaps because she actually cared what James and Remus thought-that she actually cared whether she looked nice in front of James?

Remus caught sight of her and poked James in the arm. He looked away from Catherine and at Lily and frowned, shaking his head. Lily looked down at the dress and shrugged. In the end it was her decision. She turned to go back in the fitting rooms and heard a low whistle emit from behind her. She turned around and saw James standing and Remus smirking, both of them having caught sight of the lack of fabric on the back.

"Wait-" James said. "Come back here."

Lily shook her head, smiling brightly, and slammed her way into a fitting cubicle, locking the door quickly and grinning. Let James think about what he had missed out on.

The only dress left was black. She pulled it over her head and adjusted the straps, then hit herself on the head, realizing it was supposed to go off-the-shoulder. She pulled the straps down and looked at herself in the mirror. The skirt puffed out the slightest bit, making Lily wince. She hated dresses that puffed out. She smoothed the fabric down over her stomach and lifted up the long skirt, taking tiny steps so she would not trip.

James and Remus looked up when she came back out. Catherine disappeared into the fitting rooms and Lily stood there anxiously, waiting to hear what they thought.

"Turn," James said sullenly. Lily did, slowly, and when she was facing front again James met her eyes with the most unidentifiable emotion ever. She sighed at her inability to read him and instead looked at Remus, who gave her a discreet thumbs up. She shrugged; it did not matter to her anyway which dress she chose, as long as she had something to cover herself.

"What about this one?" Catherine asked, holding up a confection of pink and green fabric. Bits of taffeta stuck up from the bundle in her arms, which she held out to Lily, a sweet smiled on her face.

"Oh…" Lily began, "no thanks."

"Come on. At least try it on." Catherine smiled sweetly.

"No," Lily repeated firmly. "I don't think so."

"I think," James said slowly, "that we're done, alright? Catherine, just leave her alone."

Lily winced when Catherine threw her a particularly nasty look. "What's your name?" she asked again.

"Can we go now?" James asked quietly, his voice firm.

"As soon as I pay for this dress. And my name is Lily," Lily said, her eyes not leaving Catherine's. She swept by the other girl into the fitting rooms and began to take off the dress. When she saw the door knob turn she hastily pulled it back on again, not wanting a repeat of that morning.

Of course it was James. He slipped into the room and shut the door. Lily anxiously played with her hair, twisting it, turning it, and finally clipping it up messily.

"I'm not sleeping with her," James said suddenly. "I never have."

Lily met his eyes dispassionately in the mirror, hiding her surprise. That was the vibe she had been getting from Catherine: Stay away from my property. She just had not been able to identify it. "I don't see your point, James," she remarked innocently.

James laughed. "Yes, you do, Lily."

"Well then I don't care," Lily said, clenching her fists. To hell with James. Let him look. She began to pull off the dress. To her amazement, James's eyes never left hers in the mirror.

"Lily-is it possible that you're jealous?"

She laughed aloud at that.

…simply because it was true-but she would never admit it.

Really. This was all going to end when she got back to school, so it was better not to tell the truth.

"The day I'm jealous of you," she bit out through clenched teeth, "is the day I fuck Snape's brains out."

He looked a little surprised at her vehemence and he shrugged. "I'm still not sleeping with her," he repeated. "And I never have. I just thought you might like to know-"

"Well, you thought wrong," she snapped, remembering that she was hardly wearing anything. She pulled on her trousers and reached for her shirt, but in the process her hair fell from its clip.

Apparently James had not noticed her lack of clothing, because he groaned when his eyes followed the trail of her hair down to her black bra and her heaving chest. Lily closed her eyes, knowing what was going to happen and readying herself for it.

"James, if you-"

He cut her off by putting his hands on her waist and pulling her closer. His hand slid upwards to cup her breast and she sagged helplessly against him. This was all useless. She did not need him to touch her to learn how to fuck her boyfriend.

But it felt lovely all the same.

Then again, this was just making her more attached to him than she had to be.

"Stop," she said, as he bent his head to kiss her neck. "Stop."

He paused and looked shocked. "Lily-"

"Don't force it," she told him, "please. I'll scream…."

"If I-forced-Merlin, you're psychotic, Lily. I can't believe you just-you've been willing this whole time," he finished hotly.

"Remus doesn't know that," she replied.

His mouth dropped open. "You bitch. You wouldn't."

She hesitated. Of course she wouldn't. She bit her lip. "Try me," she said quietly, not liking the look that put in James's eyes.

"You know what?" he said viciously, throwing her shirt at her, "I don't want to try you anymore."

……

Lily pushed the door open so hard it slammed into the outside wall with a resounding crash.

"Have a nice day!" Catherine called out gaily. Lily clenched her fists and stalked up the road away from the town, with Remus and behind her and James behind him. She reached James's house in record time and tried to open the door. She yelped as pain lanced up her arm and through her body. She stumbled backwards and fell, wincing as the hard ground made contact with her bum.

"Stupid," James said quietly. Remus shot him a look and hauled Lily up. James took out his wand and touched it to the door. Again, the tip glowed blue and James opened the door. "Be more careful," he said gruffly, as Lily groaned. "There's a powerful protective spell on the house."

"I didn't notice," she said hoarsely, swallowing. She needed a glass of water.

"Come on," James sighed, opening the door. Remus helped her inside and over the step, and James's mum appeared.

"Did you try to open the door? Oh-I should have told you about the hex. I'll charm your wand if you want so you can get in as well."

Lily could only nod.

"Go get her some water, Remus," Mrs. Potter said briskly. "Take her to her room, James. You should have told her-she'll be in and out for the rest of the day now."

James only slid an arm around her waist and pulled hers over his shoulder, supporting her as they walked-or stumbled-to her room.

He pulled off her cloak and her jumper, along with her shoes and socks, and he set her down on the bed. Lily swayed, her eyes drooping, and he cursed and tugged the bedclothes out from under her, sloppily tucking her in and crouching beside her bed. She rolled over until her arm dangled off the edge of the bed and her face was right next to his.

He kissed her lazily, tipping her chin up with his finger. Lily reached a hand out and wove it thorough his hair, kissing him back. She pulled away lethargically and stared at him.

"Get out," she whispered. "Get out."

"Why?"

She breathed in the scent of the pillow and relaxed. "Because you're conf-f-fusing me," she said through a yawn.

"What about?"

She rolled over on her back. "Everything," she said sleepily.

She heard another person enter the room and Remus set down a glass of water. She tried to get up but she felt like she was covered in honey-which was weighing her down and keeping her on the bed. She made a sound of frustration, hating being so helpless.

Remus grabbed one arm and James grabbed the other, and they pulled her up. James picked up the water and handed it to her. She drained the glass and gave it back to James, who set in on the night table.

"James-you-" she said, "are paranoid. No one needs protection spells that strong."

With that, she passed out against James's shoulder.

……

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