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Lust or Love by Sarinileni
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Lust or Love

Sarinileni

Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.

Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 3: Of Sirius and Slipups
Date Begun: Wednesday, June 2, 2004
Date Finished: Thursday, June 3, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22, 2005

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

……

Recap:

"Do we have a deal, then?" she said, lifting her chin and meeting his eyes, feeling like she was looking at the devil incarnate.

The slightest smile touched his lips. "We do."

Lily reached out her hand…and he shook it.

……

Lily had never seen what was wrong with still being a virgin. The more she thought about it, the more sure she was of her sexual state of being. Her body was her own, and if people did not want to accept her because she had not had sex yet…then that was their problem. Lily knew that the moment had not come, and she was truly fine with that.

Then again, it was not okay to be a virgin if one told her boyfriend that she wasn't.

Lily was hastily throwing things in her trunk. She had set out most of her homework and she hoped to finish it before she left, but she could always throw it in at the last minute if she wanted. Her roommates watched her hasty movements with raised eyebrows and surprise, although Lily tried her best to ignore them.

"Aren't…you staying here for the holidays?" a girl, Rebecca, hesitantly asked.

Lily shrugged and frowned, wondering why she didn't have enough space in her trunk for her clothes.

"I heard a rumor that you're going to Potter's," added Mary, the seventh year Gryffindor floozy. She was kind to her friends but she was an incredible bitch to Lily, although Lily did not know why. She suspected it had something to do with the fact that James had bestowed his affections on her for the past few years and not Mary. Mary had most probably been hurt, considering the fact that she was extremely pretty and at the top of most of the "Hottest" lists that adorned the walls of the boys' loos. Not having James was something of a sore point for her. It was hard for Lily to admit that Mary had a soul at all, but she had seen her doing nice things for her companions.

"Oh, they always have the best Christmas parties," sighed Elizabeth.

"I'm not going to Potter's," Lily said quickly. "I'm going to my parents', but I'm going day later."

Before her roommates could ask why, Lily dived at her trunk and pulled out her copy of Hogwarts: A History. She threw it on her bed and began to thrust knickers and bras into her trunk. Satisfied that she was finished, she sat down and began her holiday homework and ignored the three girls until they left, speaking amongst themselves.

She looked up a few hours later and set her quill aside with a sigh. She had finished both her Transfiguration and her Potions essays and had begun her Defense worksheet. All that was left was an essay in Herbology, one in History of Magic, and some questions for Care of Magical Creatures. There was nothing for Astronomy, Arithmancy, or Ancient Runes.

She set her completed work aside and put the rest in her trunk to do over the holidays. She lay down in her bed and looked up at the canopy, sighing.

What was sex like, anyhow?

She knew it would be uncomfortable-that much she had picked up from the girls in her dorm-but she also knew that they thought it was wonderful. Why else would they do anything possible for it?

Suddenly, the door opened quietly and she held her breath. She fumbled for her wand and inwardly cursed when she could not find it. The footsteps were too heavy for her roommates and besides, they would not sneak around. She grabbed the nearest thing-a box on her night table-and sat up and pulled the curtains aside, hurling the box in the direction of the noises.

Damn Potter and his Quidditch reflexes. He jumped to the side and the box missed him, hitting a lamp full force and breaking it. It immediately fixed itself, but it was no less embarrassing. James shot her a look and then went over and picked up the offending object. Lily's mouth opened in embarrassment as he examined the box of tampons.

"Give those back!" she cried, and he flung them at her immediately. She ducked and they hit the wall behind her and fell to the bed. She covered the box with her pillow and hastily stood. "What is it? How did you get up here?"

"I shook the right railing," he said cryptically. "Merlin, do you ever come down to the common room? I've been waiting there for an hour!"

"I never come down," she said with a sweet smile. "I'm so sorry you had to wait."

He growled-actually growled-and then shook his head. "I'm just telling you that I'm staying here and we're taking the Knight Bus together. Dumbledore said you shouldn't go alone because you're Muggleborn-"

"You asked Dumbledore? Did you say why I'm going with you?"

James stared at her. "Let's think, Evans. `Hello, Professor. Do you think Lily could come over to my house instead of staying here because I need to teach her how to fuck Malfoy?'"

Lily winced. "Good point."

He shook his head. "So that's it, okay?"

She shrugged. "Fine. Go, before one of my roommates comes in and flips out."

He shrugged as well. "As long as it isn't Mary." He paused, almost as if remembering something. He gave a mock shudder and then sent a cheeky grin her way, tipping an imaginary hat to her before walking jauntily out of her room.

Lily rolled her eyes. She truly did not understand him.

……

Lily sat at the breakfast table the following morning, dim and early, consuming toast smeared with honey in large amounts. She was on her third slice and counting when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She swallowed, wiped her mouth, and looked up. It was Vince.

She blinked and went back to her toast.

"Lily?"

"Sorry," she said, not looking up from her Defense worksheet, "but my boyfriend never comes over to this table, and he's never awake at seven. You must be someone else." She reached for her orange juice and took a large swallow, then stared at the glass.

Yum. Freshly squeezed.

"I don't want you going near fucking Potter ever again," he said, squeezing her shoulder hard.

Unfortunately, Lily had just taken a large gulp of the fresh juice, and even more unfortunately, James Potter had just slid into the seat across from her. At the mention of his name in collaboration with the sight of him, and even further, the word `fucking' used near James's name, she spit out her juice across the table.

Because her life was a soap opera, she only managed to spray Potter, and missed Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, who had just come up behind James.

"Ew," James said after a moment, before taking off his glasses and blinking at her. "It's early. I'm going to go shower again."

He got up and left the table. Lupin slid into his seat. "Malfoy," he said darkly. "Anything in particular you're doing here?"

Vince did not even deign to answer him. He just looked down at Lily. "You hear me? Stay away from him, or we're through."

Her heart skipped a beat in fear but then she shrugged coolly. "Fine with me. I don't have any desire to be near him anyway."

Vince turned and went back to his own table.

"To be near who?" Black asked.

Lily went back to her worksheet without answering. She finished it half an hour before the bell rang and set down her quill, blowing on the ink to dry it. Sirius stared at her.

"You…really do your homework?"

Lily made an exasperated sound and reached for her Care of Magical Creatures work.

Halfway through the first questions, Sirius interrupted her. "Why did Mary have a little lamb?"

She looked up and saw that the seats surrounding them were empty. Most people had left to get ready for their classes. "What did you say?

"Why did Mary have a little lamb?"

"Why did Mary-Black, where did you hear that rhyme?"

He did not answer, but posed another question. "You know how we get milk from cows?"

Lily decided to be brave. "Yeah…?"

"Well, why'd we start getting milk from cows? I mean, did some explorer man suddenly say, `Hey, I think I'll go squeeze the pink dangly things under that black and white animal, and then I'll drink what comes out'--?"

Bravery was overrated.

Lily went back to her questions. She finished two before Sirius asked her something again.

"Are zebras black with white stripes-"

"Shut up!"

"-or white with black stripes?"

Lily ignored him.

"Why does lipstick always come off?"

"I don't care."

She finished the third, but her handwriting was getting progressively messier. There was only one more left.

"What do you call male ballerinas?"

"I don't care."

She scratched out an answer to the last question, almost ripping through the parchment with the force of her writing.

"If you're in hell and you get hacked off with someone, where do you tell them to go?"

"I don't-Black, I don't know!"

"But do you ever wonder-"

"God, I'm so glad you're not coming to Potter's too," Lily burst out, and then immediately clapped a hand over her mouth. "Wait! Black…"

Sirius was staring at her as if he had never seen her before. "Do you mean…my Potter? James?"

Lily shook her head vigorously and looked around to make sure no one else had heard.

"You do!" Sirius cried. "You're taking the mickey! You wouldn't go to James's house!"

"I'm not-"

"You have ten seconds to meet me in the broom closet in the Entrance Hall," Sirius said quietly, standing up and leaning in close. "Go."

Lily frowned. "Are you trying to be intimidating?"

He was intimidating, but she could not let him know that. She would be ruined.

Sirius reached out a hand and pinched her arm.

"Ow!"

"I'm not afraid to hit girls either, especially if they're bitchy," Sirius smirked.

Lily got up and walked out of the Great Hall. Instead of going into the broom closet she stood just outside the doors and waited for him. He came out two minutes later and grabbed her arm, hauling her down the corridor.

Lily dug her heels in and held, but he just dragged her along further and she stumbled and almost fell flat on her face. She gritted her teeth and was all set to slap him, but they stopped walking in front of an alcove and he raised an eyebrow at her. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" he asked sweetly.

Lily shook her head fiercely.

"Really?" he asked, taking a menacing step forward. "I think there is. Are you really going to James's for the holidays?"

She glared at him, keeping silent.

"Don't screw with my best friend, Evans," Black hissed, bringing his face close to hers. "You mess him up, and I'll get you back."

Lily opened her mouth furiously, but running footsteps down the hall stopped her from speaking. They both turned and looked out into the corridor.

"Sirius? Evans?"

"We're here, Potter," Lily said after a moment of silence.

"Thank Merlin," he gasped, moving towards them and pushing them hard against the wall. He pulled something out and shoved it at Lily. "Cover yourself with that. Malfoy's coming-he heard that you're coming to my house and saw you leave with Sirius. Honestly, you could be more careful-

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled the cloak over her head. She twitched it to make sure nothing showed-assuming it would keep her invisible. Sirius stepped out into the hall and he and James began a casual conversation about Quidditch.

"Black! Where's my girlfriend?"

Sirius turned slowly, taking something out of his pocket and handing it to James without Vince seeing.

"I don't know."

"You walked out of the Hall with her. What're you two up to?"

Even James looked genuinely startled. "Aren't you being a little controlling?"

Vince sneered. "Shut up, pretty boy." He turned back to Sirius. "So?"

"She just wanted to give me some potions notes," Sirius said.

"Give them to me."

Lily stifled a gasp. Honestly. Vince was too full of himself sometimes.

"What? I don't have to show you anything. And I forgive you for asking."

"I'm serious, Black. I want to see them. Give them to me."

Sirius grabbed a sheaf of paper from James, and suddenly Lily realized that James had just performed split second transfiguration.

"This isn't any of your business. I'm not showing them to you, you worm. And your girlfriend headed for the main doors" Black hissed, turning on his heel and disappearing. Potter still stood there, staring at Vince as if he was from another planet.

"Seriously-Lily Evans lets you treat her like that? Even I knew not to be that overprotective when I was fifteen, stupid, and in love with her."

Vince raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And who's the one dating her?"

He pushed past James and disappeared around the corner. James stood there and then turned to the alcove. He snatched the cloak off of Lily and then set off briskly down the hall, furious, leaving Lily staring after him, wordless and angry.

……

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