Title: Lust…or Love?
Author: Sarinileni
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Not at all. In the slightest.
Mature Subject Matter
Chapter 9: Of Tempers and Throw-outs
Date Begun: Thursday, June 10, 2004
Date
Finished: Thursday, June 10, 2004
Date Posted: Wednesday, April 22,
2005
Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.
……
Recap:
"Get out," she whispered. "Get out."
"Why?"
She breathed in the scent of the pillow and relaxed. "Because you're conf-f-fusing me," she said through a yawn.
"What about?"
She rolled over on her back. "Everything," she said sleepily.
She heard another person enter the room and Remus set down a glass of water. She tried to get up but she felt like she was covered in honey-which was weighing her down and keeping her on the bed. She made a sound of frustration, hating being so helpless.
Remus grabbed one arm and James grabbed the other, and they pulled her up. James picked up the water and handed it to her. She drained the glass and gave it back to James, who set in on the night table.
"James-you-" she said, "are paranoid. No one needs protection spells that strong."
With that, she passed out against James shoulder.
……
Lily woke with a splitting headache.
"Rise and shine," said a sardonic voice from her side, and she threw out her hand to hit James. She fell short and her arm dropped to the bed. Lily struggled to sit up, feeling much better than she had the previous evening. "You must have been pretty pissed off," James remarked.
"What the fuck does that have to with anything?" she growled, stretching. He handed her a potion and she took it warily, downing it in one gulp, surprised at the pleasant taste. She immediately felt more alert and the ache in her bones subsided slightly.
James sighed. "First, your wand has to be charmed with the spell for you to get in without getting a shock. And if you're thinking harmful thoughts about anyone included in the spell and then you touch the door-this happens," he explained, motioning to her.
Lily yawned. "Wh-what time is it?"
James checked his watch. "Half past three."
"In the morning?" Lily asked, sitting bolt upright.
James nodded and pointed to the window. Lily saw that it was black as pitch outside.
"And you just-"
"Couldn't sleep," he finished firmly, meeting her eyes.
Lily's breath caught and she paused, trying to decide which way to go. She could either ask why he was up at three in the morning right next to her if he wasn't watching her sleep, or she could not ask him.
She picked the safe route, and the first thing that came out of her mouth was, "I'm still angry with you."
If it were possible, Lily would have Avada Kedavraed herself right there and then, because his gaze turned stony. "Are you, now?"
"I am," she said, dignified.
"Well from where I'm standing, it looks like I'm the one that should be angry."
So he had a point. Screw him anyway.
"Well-you're-you're sitting, not standing!"
He looked at her disbelievingly and then laughed. "Is that the best you can come up with?" he asked.
"Unfortunately, yes," Lily said angrily. "And I suppose I'm sorry about suggetring I'd lie to Remus-where is he, anyway? Did he leave?"
"Of course-yesterday night. Tonight's-" He stopped and looked at her intently. "Tonight's Christmas Eve, Lily. He's gone to spend some time with his family. Oh, wait." He took out a piece of parchment and handed it to her. "He told me give that to you."
Lily unfolded the note and looked at the words scratched out messily on the parchment.
December 31.
Lily thought hard, and then crumpled the paper up into a ball and stuffed it under her covers, her eyes wide. Imagine having a birthday on December 31st-and apparently hating it, as James did.
"What did it say?"
Lily snapped out of her daze and shook her head. "It said `Happy Christmas'."
"Bollocks," James said dismissively. "What'd it really say?"
Lily shook her head and dove under the covers, hiding from him. She felt energized-awake. It was a delightful contrast to how she had felt earlier. James ripped off the covers and she rolled with them, keeping them over her head. She had not been this playful in years.
"Fine," James said. "But you asked for it." He crawled onto the bed and reached under the covers, grabbing her and pulling her up. Lily dropped the parchment to the floor and let herself be found.
James checked her hands. "You didn't eat it, did you?"
Lily shrugged and puffed out her cheeks, swallowing. James made a face. "Parchment tastes disgusting," he said.
"How would you know?" Lily asked.
"I'm James Potter, Lily. You think I never ate parchment when I was a kid?"
"Good point," she said.
James smiled at her and her traitorous heart skipped a beat. They were sitting up, both cross-legged, facing each other. James's hands rested lightly on her hips. He gently pulled her forward and she twisted, sitting in his lap and resting her head back against his shoulder.
"Lily?"
"Yeah?"
"Did Remus tell you when my birthday was?"
Lily did not dare to breathe.
"I'm not going to get mad or anything. I just want to know if he told you in that note."
"Well…yes, he did. New Year's Eve."
She felt James nod; his chin bumped into her head.
"So…" She trailed off, not willing to break the comfortable, rare silence by antagonizing him.
He leaned back gently to the bed, until they were lying next to each other, her head pillowed on his chest. His hand idly ran up her side and down again, up, and then down again. Lily sighed contentedly and relaxed.
This is wrong, she thought suddenly. This is…so very wrong. She looked out the window. It was snowing. I shouldn't be here-not on a bed with James-not comfortable. We're rivals-we hate each other.
And yet-we can't seem to stay away from each other.
While she had been thinking, James had undone the button and zipper of her jeans.
Lily tensed up and James made a shushing sound. She leaned back and met his eyes, then involuntarily lifted her hips when he slid off her trousers, to make it easier for him. He grabbed her shirt by the hem and drew it over her head slowly, dropping it to the ground. Lily grinned up at him and he rolled over on top of her, kissing her gently. He unclasped her bra clumsily and she shrugged out of it, throwing it onto the arm of his chair.
He drew circles on the cold skin of her stomach and his hand moved to her knickers. She gasped into his hair, throwing her arms around his neck. He stopped-hesitantly, tentatively, adorably. He met her eyes and kissed her lightly, his fingers hovering delightedly close to the waistband of her knickers.
He kissed her neck gently and Lily heard a step outside her door. James rolled off the bed with lightning quick speed and pulled the covers over her, before collapsing into the chair and shutting his eyes. Lily pulled the covers over her head and tried to calm her rapidly beating heart.
The door opened slowly and Lily heard light footsteps on the floor. "James?" a voice whispered. It was Mrs. Potter. "What are you doing here?"
James didn't answer. Cloth rustled and James made a strange, incoherent sound.
"Good, you're up. What are you doing here?"
"I was just making sure she was okay. She woke up and I gave her that potion. Then I fell asleep-"
James cut himself off and sucked in a sharp breath.
"Get up, Lily," Mrs. Potter said, her voice soft but leaden with anger. "Both of you-I want you in the hall in two minutes. Exactly."
The door shut with a snap and Lily pushed the covers off, sitting up and dragging the sheet up around her chest. She
shivered and crossed her arms over her chest, looking for her shirt. "What's wrong? How'd she know I was
awake?" she asked quickly. "Why's she mad?"
As Lily pulled her shirt over her head and tugged on her jeans, James wordlessly pointed to her bra, hanging mockingly over the arm of the chair. "Oh, God," Lily said, closing her eyes. "I'm…I'm stupid…"
"It's fine," he said raggedly. "Don't worry about it."
They trudged into the hall and stood before James's mother, who was devoid of the ridiculous robe she usually wore. She looked pale and gaunt and her hair hung lank around shoulders, looking like it needed a good wash.
"I was under the impression that you two weren't dating," Mrs. Potter said quietly, her eyes blazing.
Lily opened her mouth to protest that they were not, but James shook his head every so slightly, and she looked at the ground.
"I can't stop you from sleeping together at school," she said next, "but it won't happen in this house, and if I ever walk in on you again I'm going to lock you in the basement and keep you alive on tripe. Do you hear me?"
James nodded. Lily did as well.
"Go to your room, James. Lily, I want to talk to you."
James slowly walked away, his feet dragging. Mrs. Potter stared at Lily, her expression suddenly weary. "You-are not what I expected for my son."
Lily's head snapped up, and she wondered whether this seemingly warm woman was going to tell Lily that while she was a wonderful girl, but her blood was not pure enough for James.
"I envisioned someone-blonder, with bluer eyes. Someone…lighter…you're just…different…"
Lily hung her head, feeling shamed.
"But somehow…you seem to fit better than anyone else. I can't imagine a different person now."
Lily looked up, her throat tight.
"Lily-I don't know how often you-you sleep with James, but-"
"We haven't!" Lily said hastily. "We wouldn't…we haven't…"
"Well your self-control seems a bit shoddy, doesn't it? You're not very far from the actual act!" pointed out Sabia, her eyes lighting up. "Both of you. If you get pregnant-if something happens-then what are you going to do?"
Lily opened her mouth in horror. She had not even thought…
"You shouldn't be doing the things you're doing in my house, Lily. But it seems that the both of you are attached at the hip-oh, ignore the pun-and if you dare do anything like this under my roof you'll have to leave."
"I…" Lily clenched her fists in anger. Sabia had had a point with their carelessness-but she did not have any right to talk to her like this-like she was Lily's mother. Lily had a mother, a very good one.
"I'm just concerned," Mrs. Potter went on. "You're both only seventeen-"
The side of Lily that had emerged at this house-the kinder side, was dwarfed by her regular self. Suddenly everything she had been holding back burst out. She had been away from Vince to long-she was turning weak. Every time James so much as looked at her she felt as if her knees would buckle. She was confused; she was angry. She was going to take it out on someone.
"You are not my mother," Lily hissed. "Don't pretend to be! And don't treat me like…like…a child!"
Mrs. Potter looked as though a slap in the face could have hurt less. She opened her mouth and then shut it.
"Come on, Mum. Go back to bed," James said, suddenly appearing from the shadows.
He took his mother's arm and led her down the hall, past Lily. Lily held absolutely still and heard murmured voices, then the sound of a door shutting quietly. James appeared at the end of the hall and he began to walk towards her.
It seemed to take an age. He stopped in front of her and looked down at her, his arms falling limp at his sides.
"I really thought…you had perhaps…I don't know what I thought, Evans," he snapped.
Oh shit shit shit! Lily thought.
"My mother hasn't been a thing but welcoming to you. She is the best person I know-the best mother I know…you are just a bitch-"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it…James," she finished.
"Get out," he said, throwing her own words back in her face.
"But-"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
She stumbled backwards, towards the kitchen and towards the door. He stopped yelling suddenly, his face pale, and she opened the door quickly as he left her sight. She slammed it shut angrily and kicked the side of the house.
She was wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt, and it was below freezing. She wasn't even wearing a bra.
She quickly felt in her pocket and sighed when she recognized the feeling of her wand in her hand. She walked down the road a little ways, looking back at the house, perhaps to see whether James had changed his mind or not.
She hoped so. He had her favorite bra.
She chanced one more look at the house and began to worry. Surely he would come out and say yes, he was very angry, but she could come back in?
With nothing else to do, Lily fished some silver out her pocket and held out her wand hand for the Knight Bus.
……
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