Authors' note: Thanks so much for the great response to the last chapter! We appreciate it more than you know and if you guys have questions, please ask in the reviews and we will try to answer as much as we can. Tonight's chapter will involve Saffron/Andrew and their children as well as Ethan and Maddie. Please read and review!
Saffron was enjoying a day off from practise and was just settling down onto the sofa with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. With two children under the age of five, it was rare to have a moment's peace so Saffron was going to take it where she could.
She heard footsteps on the stairs and hid a smile when she saw her four-year old daughter appear. Ellie Kirke stuck her lower lip out and stomped her foot.
"What's wrong with you, Little Miss?" Saffron asked.
"Edward has my teddy bear," Ellie said, her eyes teary.
"I thought the two of you were playing together," Saffron said, patting the space beside her on the sofa.
"We were," Ellie said climbing onto the sofa beside her mother. "But then he took my teddy bear!"
"Well," Saffron said. "He's only one-year old, baby."
"He has his own bear," Ellie's lower lip trembled.
Saffron set her book down. "Well, let's go upstairs and see what we can do, then."
Ellie took her mother's hand and they went up the stairs to her bedroom.
Edward was sitting on the floor cuddling Ellie's bear. "Hi!" he exclaimed when he saw them.
"Hi baby," Saffron smiled at her son. "What have you got there?"
"El bear," Edward said happily.
"Ellie's bear," Saffron said kneeling down. "Your sister wants her bear back."
Edward shook his head. "Mine."
"No," Saffron said. "This is your bear."
"Grandma gave me that one," Ellie said reaching for the bear, but Edward held on as tight as he could.
"Edward Kirke," Saffron said. "Where's Mummy's good boy?"
Edward grinned up at her.
Saffron resisted the urge to smile. "Give Ellie back her bear..." she carefully pried the stuffed toy out of the little boy's arms.
Edward let out a cry. "Mean El!"
Saffron picked him up as Ellie hugged her bear to her. "Ellie is not mean." She kissed his cheek.
Edward put his arms around Saffron's neck.
"It's okay baby," Saffron reassured her son. "Here's your bear."
Edward reached for it. "Kay."
"And I think it's time for both of you to have a kip," Saffron said firmly.
"Yeah," Ellie said pointing her little finger at Edward. "Time for you to kip!"
"And you as well," Saffron replied. "You two should have been down a half hour ago."
Ellie pointed a finger at Edward. "Yeah!"
Saffron shook her head as she set Edward down in his crib. "Come on, El."
Ellie took her mother's hand. "Where's Daddy?"
"He's at practise," Saffron said. "He'll be home soon."
Ellie yawned. "Thanks for getting my bear back, Mummy."
Saffron helped her daughter into bed. "You're welcome, love."
Ellie cuddled her bear to her. "Will you stay with me?"
"I could never turn that down," Saffron said.
Ellie grinned. "Tell me a story."
"What did you want to hear about today?" Saffron asked. "The princess or the dragon?"
Ellie thought this over. "The princess."
"Once upon a time," Saffron began with a grin. "There was a beautiful princess named Elinore Kirke who was locked in a tower..."
"And she had really long beautiful hair like Rapunzel," Ellie continued.
"Gorgeous long brown hair," Saffron detailed. "And the prettiest brown eyes in the world."
Ellie grinned. That was what her father told her all the time.
"And she was very bored up there in the tower," Saffron continued. "Because she had no new books to read!"
"Ooh, Mummy!" Ellie exclaimed. "Don't forget about her royal puppy! Puddles!"
Saffron laughed. "Of course. Her royal puppy Puddles liked to try and help her figure out ways to get down to the bottom of the tower so she could go to the library."
Ellie smiled. "...'cause she liked Puddles and books more than anything in the whole wide world!"
"Well her parents missed her very, very much." Saffron said. "And when they found out where she was, they went to rescue her."
Ellie grinned. "Queen Mummy."
Saffron laughed. "You know I love being the queen."
Ellie giggled.
"When the royal puppy Puddles came and found them to lead them back to Princess Ellie, the king and queen were so happy," Saffron said. "King Andrew climbed up the tower without using Princess Ellie's hair and used his magic to lower her down."
Ellie clapped her little hands.
"And when she got home, Ellie not only had the royal library, but one of her own that was bigger than this house. And she never got bored by having to read the same book ever again," Saffron finished.
Ellie closed her eyes. "Like Grandma's library!"
"That's right," Saffron smoothed Ellie's hair back and kissed her forehead. "I love you, baby girl."
Ellie smiled and a few moments later drifted off to sleep. Saffron sat there for a few minutes just reveling in the moment.
She loved her children more than anything else on the face of the planet. Ellie was a dream come true and Edward had been such a surprise.
Saffron slowly stood up so as not to wake Ellie. She tiptoed into the nursery and smiled as she looked at her son.
Edward James Kirke had just turned a year old and she was proud of how smart he was. He was already talking quite a bit and Ellie loved reciting books and stories to him.
The incident with the teddy bear aside, Ellie and Edward got along quite well.
They loved their cousins, which was good since Ethan and Maddie had managed to have quite a brood. They adored Ashley and Katie as well and Ellie was already making plans to see them. She loved drawing with Ashley and dancing with Katie.
Saffron crept quietly out of Edward's room and headed back downstairs where Puddles sat on the sofa.
"Royal puppy," Saffron said, scratching behind his ears.
Puddles licked her hand, his tail thumping on the cushions.
The fireplace roared to life and Saffron grinned when she saw Andrew.
"Hey," he smiled when he saw her.
"Hey, you," Saffron said watching as he set his duffle bag down and dusted off the soot.
"It's quiet," Andrew said.
"Kip time," Saffron said standing up.
"I see," Andrew put his arms around her and gave her a kiss. "What's up?"
Saffron told him about the teddy bear fight.
"And it begins," Andrew said dramatically. "RJ's probably egging them on."
Saffron followed him into the kitchen. "I told you we shouldn't let him baby-sit."
"The kids love him though," Andrew replied. "I'm starving."
"I made some soup for lunch," Saffron said.
"What kind?" he asked.
"Vegetable," Saffron said with a grin. She knew it was his favourite.
"You know me too well." Andrew slid his arms around her.
Saffron gave him a kiss. "Oh, am I on the menu now as well, Mr. Kirke?"
"You're always dessert on my menu," Andrew nuzzled her ear.
The baby monitor crackled to life with Edward's cries.
"Uh oh," Saffron said. "That was a short kip. I'll be right back."
Andrew gave her a kiss.
She left her husband in the kitchen and hurried up to her son's room. "What's wrong, love?"
Edward reached for her. "Mummy."
Saffron lifted him out. "You know your daddy's home, don't you?"
Edward's eyes lit up. "Daddy?"
Saffron kissed his soft little cheek. "Come on."
Saffron carried him downstairs into the kitchen. Andrew grinned. "There's my boy!"
"Daddy!" Edward exclaimed, reaching for him.
Andrew took him and hugged him tightly. "I missed you today!"
Edward laughed as Andrew tossed him up in the air.
"I was thinking maybe we could go and visit Ethan and Maddie later this week," Saffron said as she warmed a bowl of soup for her husband.
"Sure," Andrew nodded. "Whatever you want. I'd like to see how they're doing."
"They have their hands full," Saffron said.
"Yeah, they do." Andrew nodded. "And to deal with what they've had to deal with on top of it..."
Saffron nodded wordlessly.
"To lose a child..." Andrew shook his head. "I don't know what I'd do if that happened with Ellie or Edward."
"I don't even want to think about that," Saffron said looking fondly at her son who was healthy and happy in his father's arms.
"Me either," Andrew agreed, giving Edward a small spoonful of his soup.
Saffron wondered how Ethan and Maddie were doing today. Ethan had taken some time off work as had Maddie.
"It's been eight months, but I'm sure it still hurts," Andrew said thoughtfully.
Saffron nodded. "I just wish there was something I could do to help."
"Just being there for her helps," Andrew advised. "I think she likes having you there to talk to."
"You really think so?" Saffron asked.
"Sure," Andrew replied.
"Drew helped her too," Saffron said thoughtfully. "I mean, she went through that with Hope."
"Yeah," Andrew nodded thoughtfully. "Still... I don't know what I'd do if it was us."
"I know," Saffron agreed. "Which is why we should never take what we have for granted."
"No way," Andrew said, hugging his son to him.
"Daddy!" Ellie exclaimed, hurrying into the kitchen.
"El!" Andrew said. "How's my girl?"
Ellie stretched her little arms and yawned. "Good!"
"Were you both good for Mummy today?" Andrew asked.
Ellie climbed into Saffron's lap. "Yes until Edward stole my bear."
"No," Edward replied.
"Did too!" Ellie argued.
"No one stole anyone's bear," Andrew replied. "Edward just likes teddy bears."
"Mine," Edward said grinning at his sister.
"No!" Ellie wailed.
"You each have your own bears," Saffron said.
"I just want my bear," Ellie said, tears springing to her eyes.
"Because Grandma gave it to you?" Saffron asked, kissing the top of her head.
"Yes," Ellie sniffled.
Saffron smiled. Hermione had given that bear to Ellie when she was just a few months old.
It was Ellie's favourite toy.
"Don't worry," Saffron reassured her. "Edward doesn't want your bear he just wants his."
Ellie nodded and wiped at her eyes.
Saffron hugged her daughter tightly, burying her face in Ellie's soft hair.
"You okay, Mummy?" Ellie asked.
"I'm fine, baby girl," Saffron said as tears sprang to her eyes. Her conversation with Andrew made her really think of what it would be like if one of her children were gone. The mere thought nearly tore her apart.
"Don't cry," Ellie said softly.
"I won't," Saffron promised, hugging her again.
Andrew smiled at Saffron.
Meanwhile, over at Ethan and Maddie's, Ethan was trying to do his best to rouse his wife out of bed.
"Mads?" Ethan asked gently.
"I'm tired," Maddie said pressing her face into the pillow.
"It's two in the afternoon," Ethan pointed out. "Kiera's helping with the babies and so's Gwyn..."
"They're such good girls," Maddie said quietly.
"They are," Ethan agreed. He put his hand on her shoulder. "And they miss their mum."
Maddie turned to look at him and Ethan had to conceal his shock at her appearance. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair dirty and limp, and her face was pale white.
"Sweetheart, please," Ethan said. "The babies..."
"I can't," Maddie whimpered. "I know it's been awhile, but I can't let it go."
Ethan put his arms around her. "I know."
Maddie sobbed into her husband's shoulder. "I carried them... for nine months. And I never knew that he wasn't there."
"It's not your fault," Ethan tried to reassure her.
"I should have known," Maddie cried. "And I could have done something."
"There was nothing you could have done," Ethan told her. "Nothing. I miss him too. Every single day."
"Our little Gregory," Maddie let out a shuddery sigh.
Ethan hugged her tightly. "I know, love."
"I just feel like my whole life has fallen apart," Maddie said. "I know I need to be there for my other children but I can't... I can't..."
"You need to talk to someone," Ethan said gently. "Maddie, I don't know what else to do or what to say..."
"I've TRIED that already," she snapped, suddenly angry. "It doesn't work!"
Ethan put his head in his hands. "Maddie..."
"You don't understand," Maddie said harshly. "None of you do."
Ethan sighed. Slowly, he stood up. He was just as sad as Maddie, but he also realised that their daughters and sons needed him. He gave his wife one last look before heading back downstairs.
He went into the sitting room and managed a small smile at his two young daughters who were sitting with their four siblings.
Kiera looked hopefully at her father. "Daddy? Is Mummy going to eat lunch with us?"
"I don't' think so, sweetheart," Ethan said heavily. "She's tired."
Kiera nodded. "Oh."
"Want to see her," three year old Gwyn squirmed.
"Maybe later," Ethan said reaching for her.
"Now," Gwyn said firmly.
Ethan wondered if maybe that would help. "Um, Kiera? Can you watch your brothers and sisters? I'm going to take Gwyn to see your mum."
"Yes Daddy," Kiera replied.
Ethan took Gwyn's hand and led her upstairs.
"Mummy," Gwyn called ahead of them. "I'm coming, kay?"
Ethan had to smile at this.
He pushed open the door and Gwyn stumbled inside. "Mummy," the little girl said.
Gwyn launched herself onto the bed. "Mummy! Wakey wakey!"
"Mads," Ethan said softly. "She wanted to see you."
Maddie turned and saw Gwyn. "Gwyn..."
"Hi," Gwyn said, reaching for her.
Maddie wiped at her eyes. "Mummy's really tired."
"Even for me?" Gwyn asked.
Maddie shook her head. "No, um, come here..."
Gwyn smiled as Maddie drew her into her arms. "I love you."
Maddie swallowed the lump in her throat. "I love you too, Gwyn."
"Don't be sad," Gwyn said anxiously. "We all love you."
Ethan sat down on the edge of the bed, watching his wife and daughter.
"Baby," Maddie hugged her daughter tightly. "I'm sorry."
Gwyn smiled. "Love Mummy."
"Kiera was really hoping you'd come down and join us to eat," Ethan said. "Come on Mads. It will help, I promise."
"Nana made it," Gwyn told her.
"Nana was here?" Maddie asked.
"She's been helping with meals," Ethan told her. "And so has your mum and dad..."
"Of course," Maddie murmured.
"Kiera and me help too," Gwyn said.
For the first time in a long time, Maddie felt the corners of her mouth curve upwards.
Ethan playfully mussed Gwyn's hair. "She and her sister have been a big help."
Maddie looked up at her husband as Gwyn giggled.
"Why don't we let you get freshened up and we'll go downstairs and set the table?" Ethan asked her.
"Will you help me?" Maddie asked.
"Sure," Ethan replied.
"Go tell Kiki," Gwyn pushed herself off the bed.
"Good girl," Ethan said.
"Can do it myself," Gwyn said when Ethan went to help her. "Big girl."
Ethan held up his hands. "Yes, you are. Miss Independent."
"She's like Saffy," Maddie said softly.
Ethan nodded. "Don't I know it."
Maddie took Ethan's hand that he extended to her. "I can't promise anything right now, Ethan."
"I know," Ethan said giving her hand a squeeze.
Maddie allowed herself to be enveloped in her husband's arms. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I know you're disappointed in me."
Ethan shook his head. "No, Maddie. I'm not disappointed."
"You aren't?" she asked.
Ethan rested his forehead on hers. "Never."
She closed her eyes, trying to stave off more tears.
"I know you're hurting," Ethan said. "But, those children downstairs love you more than anything and they need you too."
"I know," she said quietly.
Ethan kissed her forehead.
"I'm just going to splash my water on my face." she said. "I'll just be a moment."
Ethan nodded. "Okay."
Maddie disappeared in the loo and Ethan heard water running for a few minutes.
Ethan straightened things up in the bedroom. Perhaps this would be a turning point, but then again, he had thought that before.
She came out a few moments later. She still didn't look completely like herself, but she looked better than she had in months.
"What--what did Nana bring over?" Maddie asked.
"Your favourite," Ethan said. "Shepherd's pie."
Maddie reached for his hand. "Sounds great."
Ethan squeezed her hand. "Kiera's going to be excited that you're coming down."
Maddie did not know what she should say or do for her children. She had felt like she let them down.
She followed her husband downstairs and into the sitting room. "There's Mummy," Gwyn said happily.
Kiera beamed at her mother. 'Mummy, you're here!"
"Hello my loves," Maddie knelt down and her daughters rushed into her arms.
Ethan smiled. "Anyone here ready for some lunch?"
"Me," Gwyn replied. "I can eat by myself."
Maddie kissed Gwyn's cheek. "You really are independent, aren't you?"
Gwyn smiled at her.
Kiera giggled. "Come on. Let's eat."
Ethan levitated the seats with their four infants into the kitchen. Maddie followed, studying all six of her children intently.
Kiera looked at her mother. "They're all fine, Mummy. Natasha has a bit of a cold, but other than that, they're all fine."
"Tasha has a cold?" Maddie asked.
Ethan nodded pouring the older children a glass of juice. "She's had the sniffles is all."
Maddie lifted the tiny girl out of the seat and held her closely. "Hi..." she whispered.
Natasha's little nose was red and Maddie patted her back gently.
"I'm sorry I haven't really been here for you," Maddie said softly.
Ethan and Kiera shared a look.
"Sammich, please." Gwyn looked up at her father.
Ethan laughed. "Oh, you'll let me make it for you, then? I thought you wanted to do EVERYTHING yourself."
"I'm not big 'nuff." Gwyn said innocently.
Ethan stood up. "Okay then. Peanut butter and jam?"
"Yes," Gwyn nodded. "Peas..." she remembered to add.
Maddie smiled wistfully at Gwyn. She was so grown up now and very sweet. It struck
Maddie just how much she had missed these last few months.
"Mummy?" Kiera asked. "Want juice?"
Maddie nodded. "That would be lovely."
Kiera smiled at her. "I'm glad you came down, Mummy."
"Me too," Maddie said softly.
Natasha let out a little cry and sniffed.
"It's okay, Tasha," Maddie soothed.
She reached for a tissue and wiped carefully at her daughter's nose.
Kiera smiled and put a glass of juice in front of her mother.
"Thank you, sweetheart," Maddie used her free hand to draw her oldest daughter close to her.
"You're welcome, Mummy," Kiera said happily.
"You remind me of your cousin Caroline," Maddie said softly, tugging at Kiera's sleek blonde hair.
Kiera beamed at her. "Why?"
"You're very sweet, beautiful and helpful," Maddie told her. "Daddy and I couldn't have done it ourselves these past few months."
"I love helping," Kiera reassured her. "I love my brothers and sisters."
"I know you do," Maddie kissed the top of her daughter's head. Kiera had also taken it a bit hard when Gregory had been stillborn. Her unusual ability of predicting a pregnancy and being able to communicate with unborn children fascinated her.
"Mummy, guess what?" Gwyn asked suddenly.
"What, love?" Maddie asked.
Gwyn giggled. "Nothin'."
Maddie had to smile and Ethan chuckled. "Are you cracking jokes without me, Gwyn?"
Gwyn giggledbefore taking a bite of her sandwich.
Maddie gently set Natasha back in her chair. "I'll ask my mum for a potion for her."
Ethan gave his wife a kiss on the top of her head as he set a plate of Molly's Shepherd's Pie before her.
Maddie's stomach rumbled and she realised she hadn't eaten in a few days. "This smells wonderful," she admitted.
"There's loads of it," Ethan told her. "And she sent over some biscuits."
Maddie nodded and dug into the pie. "Ethan? Can you ask Drew to come over?"
Ethan looked at her in surprise. "Yes...of course."
"Just later this afternoon sometime," Maddie said. "I want to talk to her... again."
Ethan grinned. "I'll owl her right now."
"Thanks," Maddie said softly. She had talked about what had happened with her sister extensively, but she didn't feel like she'd gotten everything out yet.
And it was like Ethan had said, if anyone could understand what she was going through, it was Drew.
Kiera sat next to her brother. "Christian," she giggled. "What have you got there?"
Christian stared back at her, his green eyes twinkling.
"He's got that look, doesn't he?" Maddie asked softly.
"Just like Daddy," Kiera giggled.
"Yes," Maddie agreed. "He does look just like your father."
"Ah, he's cuter," Ethan said with a grin. "I'll be back in a minute. Going to write to Drew."
"Thank you," Maddie said gratefully.
Maddie watched as Gwyn happily ate her sandwich. It had been eight months, she realised. Eight months of grief. Ethan was right. She needed to start picking up the pieces of her life and move on. Her children needed her.
She thought about how hard this was on Ethan. She had not leaned on him at all during this and she had not really been there for him. He had lost a son, too.
It had been the worst day of her life. Everything had gone fine during the pregnancy- they were so excited to expect five children, even if it was all at once. And then, after the other four had been born, Gregory arrived.
No cries had accompanied his arrival into the world and Maddie and Ethan's immense joy had turned into intense worry.
His little face and body were so pale, whereas all the other babies were pink. His tiny eyes were screwed shut.
"Why isn't he crying?" Maddie had asked hysterically. "What's wrong with him?"
"I'm afraid..." the healer looked stricken. "I'm afraid your son is stillborn."
Maddie looked at Ethan. "No---"
"How?" Ethan demanded.
"How could this have happened?" Maddie asked.
"Sometimes the other children absorb all the nutrients," the healer explained. "It's possible that--"
Maddie vehemently shook her head and looked up at Ethan. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"We did everything right!" Ethan said angrily, staring at the little body in front of him. "How the hell could this happen?"
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Potter," the healer said.
"Ethan," Maddie wailed.
Ethan was still in shock, but he managed to put his arms around his wife.
"No," Maddie sobbed. "Not our son. Please not our son."
In the present, Maddie could still see her son's small, lifeless body. Tears welled up in her eyes once more at the memory.
"Mummy?" Kiera asked in alarm.
Maddie stood up. "I'm---I'm sorry. I can't do this---"
Ethan appeared in the doorway. "Maddie... sit."
Maddie froze.
"We aren't going to do this again," Ethan told her. "I feel the same way you do, but--"
"He should be here," Maddie whispered.
"Yes he should," Ethan said. "But we have six other children who need us."
Maddie turned and looked at her scared oldest daughters and the four babies.
"We need you to pull it together," Ethan told her gently.
Maddie wiped at her eyes. She nodded. "I'm trying."
"I miss him too," Ethan said. "And we'll always love our son. But we have to keep going."
"Please?" Kiera asked.
"I'm trying," Maddie said again.
Ethan put his arms around her and held her tightly.
Gwyn forgot about the rest of her lunch as she ran over to her mother. "I love you."
Maddie knelt down and hugged her. "Thank you, baby. I love you, too. Don't be scared."
"I never heard him in there," Kiera offered quietly.
Ethan put his arm around her.
"I tried to," Kiera said. "I talked to everyone else but him."
"It's not your fault," Ethan said looking at her. "It wasn't anyone's fault."
"I wish I had heard him," Kiera said. "I wish I had."
"It's not your fault, sweetheart," Ethan said firmly. "Not at all."
"Your daddy is right," Maddie said.
Kiera looked over at her mother.
"There was nothing anyone could have done," Maddie said softly. "It's been so hard for me to accept that, but it's the truth."
Ethan regarded his wife warily. He wanted to believe she was finally starting to snap out of this, but he wasn't sure.
Kiera hugged her mother. Maddie buried her face in her daughter's hair. "I'm sorry, baby. I don't blame you for not hearing your brother in there. None of this is your fault."
"It's not yours either, Mummy," Kiera said quietly.
"I should have--" Maddie began.
"No," Ethan interjected. "No, Maddie."
"Ethan--" she began again.
"No," he said firmly. "You're not going down this road again. We can't."
"I want you to be happy again," Kiera said. "So does Gwyn."
"And Blue," Gwyn chimed in.
"Of course Blue does," Maddie said, wiping at her eyes.
Kiera laughed. "He's missed you."
Maddie sniffed. "I've neglected him."
"Today we're all starting over," Ethan said putting his arm around his wife. "Right?"
"I want to try," Maddie nodded.
Maddie looked at her children and realised that she meant that. Perhaps talking with Drew would help.